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  2. Checking In - January 2018

    If anyone ( @Felina, @Nicnak) is wondering about that Propanalol article, it's here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2113477/Propranolol-make-addicts-forget-want-drink.html
  3. Checking In - January 2018

    @Felina My doc gave me 80mg straight off and said she could up it later in. She gave me a choice of ones that you take advantage and when you need it or slow release ones you take everyday and I chose the later. Anyway by the middle of the third day the hallucinations were almost gone so I took a third capsule and have had no more nightmares or hallucinations
  4. Checking In - January 2018

    Quick drive-by. I've been out of town for a few days and missed a lot of posts. 1. So sorry for your situation, @Jetsman32but I'm glad you have the faith and resolve to get through it. 2. WTG @MJM - that is seriously impressive! 3. @Nicnak - how many mgs of Propranalol did your doc prescribe? You may be overdosing. I started out taking 5 mgs. A lot of doctors will prescribe 20-40 mgs at a time.
  5. Last week
  6. Alcoholism Survivor

    Eh, you can still believe in moral failings if you'd like. In all seriousness, I think one of the positive aspects of AA is the focus on self-improvement - I don't think it helps one to stop drinking, but working on being a "better" person is great. And one of the nice things about not NEEDING a drink is that, well, you don't need to drink Not sure if you follow Moderation Management (kind of an anti-AA AA group), but their big thing is a 30 day abstinence period before starting to work on moderate drinking. And I also think that's a useful tool - go out, go to parties, whatever, but get used to being out and about without booze and then see if you even feel like working it back into your life as a "social" thing. That's my two cents for now, and welcome!
  7. Checking In - January 2018

    @Jetsman32 Sent you a pm
  8. Checking In - January 2018

    Wow, well that sure didn't waste any time @Nicnak. Was going to say I had heard of it, but didn't because I only remember one newspaper article and now guess it wouldn't be helpful anyway. Sorry that's not going to work. Sounds like you're doing pretty well otherwise, though! And congrats on the lost weight. That's one of my priorities for this year, sigh.
  9. Alcoholism Survivor

    Thanks!
  10. Checking In - January 2018

    Well the propranolol bombed after just 2 days.Nightmare and very vivid dreams and hallucinations day and night and although I know they are not real they really frightening.I can even “feel” theses throngs brown things lightly stinging my legs like a little electric shocks
  11. Alcoholism Survivor

    Congratulations! I never bought into the whole AA thing. I always thought of my alcoholism as a disease, not as a moral failure so I can’t say I understand how you’re feeling. I just wanted to say that I’m very happy for you!
  12. Checking In - January 2018

    Happpy January everyone x A little retail therapy stuck? Haha well I ended up my Xmas trying “once again” to titrate up and got to 240 with no switch.Very very constipated again so that really must be it this time. I thought I’d go down the naltrexone route (again) but I’ve never really given this s chance because I always wanted that “switch” Im off bac now about 4 days and did it quite fast and have been having very strange vivid dreams and hallucinations but I’m not scared off them because I know what they are.Well this just happened last night. I decided just like that one day to stop that drinking that day 2nd jan and start dieting.Ive drank i day a week which I call my day off.Ive lost 11 pounds and the cravings are very low,much lower than on 240.So I’m just keeping my fingers crossed. Also went to the docs yesterday for more blood pressure meds and brought up propranolol for my anxiety and she agreed to prescribe them.Ive been researching them because I’ve got quite strange taste in my mouth,kind of bittter like if you’ve stuck your finger in your ear and tasted it(by accident of course).I found some literature about it being used for alcohol cravings but that was back in 2012 and it said it was going to be a 5 year trial. I found the article in mail on line (sorry @Molly78 ) Anyone heard anything about this!
  13. Alcoholism Survivor

    Hiya All My name is liam deveney and over the last 21 days i have worked up to a maintenance dose of 120mg of baclofen daily. i have had several nights drinking during this period and for the first time since i was 16 i feel satisfied with a few drinks. i am in a state of shock right now as 1 drink would send me into a 7 day round the clock binge requiring detox. One emotion i have noticed which maybe some people can relate to is i feel guilty as someone who has been in AA for 14 years. its almost like I'm indoctrinated into believing I'm a evil man if i drink but all ive ever wanted to do is drink in social situation without risking my life. I also feel a disconnect with AA Friends as if i talk to them thier conditioning will probably assume I'm deluding myself. i am having an identity crisis right now as if I'm not liam the alcoholic who am i? if I'm not the person who hurt everyone who loved him through choice but through a diseased brain then what happens to my self image of a cruel selfish person? hope some one identifies with my I'm just introducing myself as i feel everyone in my world is skeptical and i need to someone to validate me that what I'm feelinging is others experience.
  14. Checking In - January 2018

    That is the very best thing to here, MJM. Really hoping things sort themselves out for you, and congrats on the sober-time! Completely empathize with the "forgetting" you're an alcoholic. Well, not much to report but since I'm here... Nope, nothing. Back in school, first week down teaching at both places again plus once-a-week tutoring. M/W is fine, commuting across town and teaching and office hours and tutoring, fills the day. Still struggling with T/Th, as my classes don't start until 3:30pm - really want to do more with the morning. Hell, the whole day really, but it's difficult to get myself organized when I know that I'll have to go start work and I end up wasting the whole day just sitting around staring at the internet. Discipline, discipline, discipline. I need some. Other than that, throwing money around like a drunken sailor. Paid off my credit cards and at this rate my balances will be right back up to what they were before the new year. But a huge industrial bookshelf! And Belgian linen bedsheets! And maybe a sofa! And I have my eye on a $200 leather-bound King James Bible... And, and, and. I swear, I really ought to take handfuls of this money and instead just go waste it at a strip club in Vegas. Come to think of it, I'm actually surprised I *haven't* done that yet. Oh well, that's about it. Hope ya'll are doing well out there.
  15. Checking In - January 2018

    Happy New Year everyone! I hope that this year brings the sort of indifference to alcohol you desire. That sounds corny, sorry. But you know what I mean. Whether staying sober or drinking in moderation, no-one wants the hell of full-blown alcoholism. I've been sober since 28 December, on 150mg Bac. I am hopeless at checking in here, and usually only to top-up on my miserable, woe-is-me thread. I want to change that in 2018. Part of what leads me back to drinking is that I 'forget' that I am an alcoholic. I did have a bloody awful Christmas/New Year period, probably the worst ever. From early December, every week I was hit with at least one drama if not two. Drinking every couple days did not help. It's interesting to see how the freshly sober mind works. I still walked around for a few days cringing, as though I had a target on my forehead. I was so worried about something else going wrong. Now I feel more positive, even about my debt levels. I used money I put away for my tax bill to pay the plumber (who fixed a broken sewer pipe). I am not so worried now; either I will save all or most of the money in time or go on a payment plan with the tax office. It won't be fun, for sure, but it'll work out. Jetsman I am so sorry to hear about your predicament. Life can be tough but it sounds like your faith will pull you through. Good for you.
  16. Just Starting - Super Tired

    @satchel Hi and welcome! I split my pills while titrating without Ill effect. If SEs were bad, I would go up 5mg per week sometimes. There are so many different responses that ymmv no matter what. I think it’s a great sign that you’re already seeing a decrease in desire. Although you can drink while titrating (I did) if you don’t have to, you may get a better and faster result if you don’t? I would certainly give it a try
  17. Checking In - January 2018

    So sorry that things aren't going very well @Jetsman32. Thinking of you and hoping for the best.
  18. Earlier
  19. Checking In - January 2018

    Hi @terryk thanks for the reply and the info. The taper chart is very helpful and I will do as you said and see if anyone has any extra bac they are not using. Also- going to try not to use the phenibut except maybe in extreme cases of withdrawal. Much appreciated.
  20. Checking In - January 2018

    Jetsman, I strongly recommend that you do not taper off too rapidly, nor cross-taper to Phenibut,. Here's a piece I wrote about what to do if you are running out, or low on Baclofen: http://www.theendofmyaddiction.org/topic/126-baclofen-withdrawal/?tab=comments I think that you might find that there are people out there with extra Baclofen around, maybe because they bought a bunch and found that it didn't work for them, or they just accumulated it over time after titrating to a maintenance dose while still receiving a threshold dose prescription. It wouldn't hurt to ask... I would try over https://www.mywayout.org/community/forum52 too. -tk
  21. Checking In - January 2018

    Hi Molly, The ACA is here but it is.....terrible. The plans are extremely expensive and limited. The majority of hospitals/Dr's in my area don't even accept the bronze plan which is the lowest one. The middle plan (which would be closer to company paid health insurance) is $1800 per month. Rates on the ACA plans nationally doubled and tripled in some cases in 2016 even while President Obama was still in office and every state/county has different plans- with some area's only offering 1 option. I don't want to play politics at all but this country still has a long way to go to figure out how to provide sustainable healthcare for all. I don't blame President's Obama or Trump for this, mainly because I don't like to argue over politics and secondly because I personally don't know what the right answer is. A common misconception is that not everyone in the US is entitled to healthcare. This is only partially true. Every emergency room is required to treat any patient that walks in the door, regardless of citizenship, age or if they have insurance. On the back end of that though you get a system over flowing with people using the ER for things like the flu or a stomach ache which puts our hospitals in debt (because people don't pay) and prices go up for everyone. A major issue (as is my case) is with prescriptions. I make too much for medicade so there is no help for me to get the meds I and or others need. In any case I appreciate your response. Don't worry, I'm going to take it as slowly as I can with the meds I have on hand and I will keep everyone updated.
  22. Checking In - January 2018

    @Jetsman32 what a sad story & how dreadful that there seems to be no access to healthcare in the US without spending a lot of money. Surely the current occupant of the White House hasn't managed to repeal the ACA yet? Are you not eligible for that? I do fear for you tapering down so fast, especially as there is no knowing the exact equivalence of baclofen & phenibut, but my thoughts are with you. Keep us posted with your progress.
  23. Just Starting - Super Tired

    Thank you. I was doing a whole bottle an evening 1.5 years ago. Then I started drinking kava in the evenings and it went down to half. But I'm still stuck there. I may go back to kava. But I got to the point of no longer liking the taste. I'm at 20 now and I've noticed my muscles relaxing. Maybe too much. I started coughing when eating dinner and drinking water. I think my esophagus relaxed too much lol. If that's possible.
  24. Just Starting - Super Tired

    The ones I ordered are Liofen from all day chemist. In fact, I should probably make another order soon so I don't run out. Once I reach my indifference point, then I will know how to calculate better amount needed in future. That's a good poll. When I started, I did wonder if the amount one drank during the day or evening had to do with the amount of Baclofen to reach indifference. I guess I shall see. Now I'm up to 20 for the past 3 days. Will make the switch to 30 hopefully soon. Did you lose weight after baclofen? I can't remember after reading this, but was your choice of drink white wine? I remember when I did the white wine phase, it piled on the weight.
  25. Checking In - January 2018

    Hello all. I owe you all an apology for not being on the forum in so long including @Ne1 and @Mom2JTx3 and @Baclofenmanand others who I don't see on this particular thread. The last 4 months for me have been incredibly tough. My company laid my off in August after being acquired. This was extremely hard on my family- especially from a financial/insurance perspective. I was able to pick up a remote contract gig with a company in Boston for a few months then was on unemployment for awhile. I believe I shared this with all of you in the past but my company moved me from Boston, Ma to South Carolina 3.5 years ago. The area I live in is very poor and their are no jobs here that pay even half of what I was making on my Boston salary. On top of that, we can't move because my son is in a state-paid residential prep school and if we leave the state he can't go anymore. This is an award winning school- I would not relocate and take that away from him for anything in the world. I am now working for a technical staffing agency out of Boston full-time remote from my home office. I like this job but it pays 35% less than what I was making before (although I can earn commission but that won't hit until at least mid 2nd quarter) and they don't offer insurance of any kind (4 person company). For that reason I am buying a family plan that is incredibly basic out of pocket for about $600 per month. It doesn't even include emergency care and they only pay $200 per month for prescriptions and I found out yesterday that to fill my baclofen prescription would be almost $300. The issue therein is that I have other prescriptions that I must take for other health issues that my $200 insurance payment must go towards so I would have to pay the full $300 for the baclofen if I wanted it. I'll be the first to say this is totally on me- my wife and I did a horrible job of budgeting in the case of a layoff. We honestly thought our savings could carry us for much longer than it did. With my current salary and the insurance I have, we are barely squeaking bye. I'm not saying this for pity, I have a strong belief in God and know things will improve but for now, I need to taper off of baclofen very quickly. Right now I have enough baclofen for 27 days at my full dose. I also have roughly 40- 300mg gapapentin, 10- 750 lyrica, 2 bottles of passion flower and a full unopened bottle of phenibut. I am at a point where I must make all of these meds work together for a fast taper. I know this is dangerous and frankly, I am scared. My regular dosing scheduled for bac is 140 in the AM and 100 in the PM. I took my regular morning dose this morning and this evening only took 80. If I get any withdrawal feelings I am going to take a gabapentin later tonight. Starting tomorrow I am going to start moving more quickly by substituting phenibut for baclofen in the mornings. I am only going to take 120 tomorrow morning and 1500mg of phenibut. Phenibut has a very similar chemical composition to bac and is an anti-anxiety drug so I am hoping that this will work. From then on I will come down 20-30 every 4-5 days using my other meds to offset the withdrawals. If my math is correct, the total taper should take 38-42 days. I believe with the plan I have will work but I will still have some wicked withdrawals. In the end I'll be addicted to phenibut but then I can start a slow taper off of that because 1000g is only $20. Some of you are going to think I'm crazy (and I know it is) but I am in a situation that calls for immediate action. If any of you remember, I was addicted to Phenibut when I started baclofen and that was why I was easily able to start at a high dose of baclofen very quickly without extreme side-effects- although I did have some. As far as drinking again goes, I hope that doesn't become a problem again. I know many of you aren't Christians but my 2018 agreement with Jesus at church was that I will not drink at all anymore and I am going to have a candid conversation with my Pastor this Wednesday night and lay it all out on the table. I also haven't really been drinking much at all anyway except the occasional beer so this should make it easier. And although I hate to say this, if I do get the urge to pick-up, there is an AA building across town that always has it's doors open. However, anyone here that knows me understands how I feel about AA (I hate it), I WILL go if it comes to it. I won't mess with any of the steps but I'm sure sitting in meetings and hearing about how alcohol has destroyed the lives of others will remind me of where I came from and provide an additional support system. My wife is also supportive and I know she will have my back through this. This forum helped me get sober and I am grateful to each and every one of you for that. I would truly appreciate any thoughts or suggestions that will help me with this taper.
  26. Just Starting - Super Tired

    As far as hitting the switch early, wasn't it Red from MWO who did that?
  27. Checking In - January 2018

    Update on kratom. I tried the same strain (Red Bali) again. It worked so well the first time and of course, I thought 1 tsp worked well. how about a 1-1/2 tsp(!) and made it into tea with honey. Big mistake! I had the euphoria and pain relief, but then went on to jitters and a lingering anxiety. I don't even care about the euphoria, just help me get pain relief. When I was getting my dental implants in Mexico, their pain reliever was Dolac, described as an analgesic but did the trick for pain relief and it was non-narcotic. I asked my dr. about it and she had never heard of it. The analgesic pain relief is very similar. I also tried the maeng da which is the white kratom for energy and focus. All I got was itchy skin. Maybe that's just me, I become homicidal if the label on my shirt touches my skin. I need energy and focus badly. I have untreated ADD., but will pass on this. I may just continue with a weakened Red Bali, but that would become pretty pricey. I also found a blog and there were some horror stories, first time users using 10X the recommended dose and it went badly, of course they were abusing it. There were also many who thought it a wonder product for arthritis. The best big pharma has done on that front is to kill a lot of people and the side effects of existing drugs is stroke, death, etc. Cure is worse by far than the symptoms. Well, that's my 2018 experiment! Thoughts to you all who have experienced freezing weather. Here in TX we were down to 19 deg. Hopefully, will kill fire ants and airborne colds.
  28. Checking In - January 2018

    Those girls are always the most fun, though. For a while ::sigh::
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