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  2. Checking in — November 2018

    Hi everyone- long time no post. I hope you are all doing well. I wanted to check in and give an update on what's going on with me. I've been completely off baclofen for about 3 months now. My indifference to alcohol is still active but not nearly as strong as it was when I was on the drug. Amazingly I am now able to be a social drinker and when I get the idea to buy alcohol in my head I can easily resist and say no which I could never do in the past. I believe that being indifferent to alcohol via baclofen for almost a year did a "reset" on my brain. I'm not sure if there are any studies on this but I can testify from personal experience that it happened. My family is doing great. My wife got a promotion to assistant manager at work and I'm still doing corpoate recruiting working from home. This is an exciting time for us as my 17 year old son is a senior in HS and is actively visiting and applying to colleges. His dream school is Dartmouth and I believe he has a good chance to get in. if not he's looking at Northeastern in Boston, University of Chicago. Due to the fact that he is going to a prestigious HS and has excellent grades and test scores he has already been told he can get a full academic ride to Clemson. However, he really wants to move back to the Boston area where we are from- even if means student loans. Kid wants to be a doctor and I think he can do it. I've also started a side business and have just hired a coach to help me scale it. If you'd like to check it out my website is thebarksmeow.com My company sells cat and dog items exclusively. I chose this because our family has 3 dogs and 2 cats and we just love animals! I do need to admit that I am using some drugs recreationaly but I've been careful. I smoke weed about 3 nights a week and on days where I just don't have any pep I take large doses of gabapentin. The feeling I get from gapapentin is amazing. I become so much more social and I'm far more focused than normal. This is great because I am truly an introvert and never really feel comfortable in meetings or crowds. The gabapentin erases this completely. I'm making it a point not to abuse it though and only on it 2 days per week. I still have a tub of phenibut but I learned my lesson with that and only use it once every couple of weeks. Yes, I know using these drugs are bad but I feel great and I'm doing well. I feel like I'm truly in control and it's an awesome feeling. I've missed posting in these forums. Everyone here is what I consider "good people". Without this forum and the education on baclofen I'd probably be in rehab for alcohol right now! I'd love to hear how you all are doing and I'll make it a point to check in more often.
  3. Checking in — November 2018

    I belong to a Facebook page called TSM warriors and a lot of people assure me it will work eventually as long as I’m compliant. There are people on there that have taken 14/15 months and eventually reached extinction so I’m still hopeful x
  4. Checking in — November 2018

    @Nicnak For me it's partly because of all the years of feel bad about me and my drinking. Constantly worring about what I did/said. I don't have nearly so much of that now I'm sober, although it rears its ugly head from time to time. Would TSM have started to work by now if it was going to be effective for you? I know in my wife's case when she took it the amount of AL she consumed was drastically cut. She didn't feel like more than a glass or two. However when she tried Bac it didn't work at all, and she got up to about 300mg with bad SEs.
  5. Checking in — November 2018

    Hi @MJM I’m very passive and am a complete people pleaser.I wish I was stronger and use my voice more. But on the other hand I feel we should all be like that and the works would be a better place Im 7 months into TSM and still drinking as much but keeping the faith
  6. Hello there, nothing much to say really, just a quick hello. I have been sober for almost 2.5 months on 150mg of Bac p/day. No cravings at all this time. My wife is trying sobriety off and on. That's a start. I continue to get random lower back pain that no-one can really explain. It might be the Bac but then a physio is certain that it is at least partially joint related. I have a history of arthritis in my family and I get the feeling that I have it. My finger joints and knee joints are becoming painful too. So in other words, I'm pretty sure it's not Bac doing it. Even if it were, I am not going to stop using it. Facing some realities about my character and it's not comfortable. Need to go see a shrink again I think to get it out and see what I can do about it. Always been passive, need to find ways of not rolling over so much. The path of least resistance isn't always the best path. I hope you are all well and getting on with facing this terrible addiction. It isn't so terrible wonce you do, and for me esp with using Bac. Remove cravings and you have a chance, a really good chance to be rid of alcoholism.
  7. Happy October! Checking in

    Hi all been doing TSM for 6 months and had 2weeks of no cravings 4 months ago but now drinking as much as ever (1.5-2 bottles a day)....but belong to a Facebook page about TSM and know it can take up to 1.5 years so just staying compliant and praying it works before I get liver damage :((
  8. Happy October! Checking in

    Hello! Glad to see some new posts. My life is pretty boring so no news here I’m glad you’re both doing well. @MJM I hope your wife continues to stay sober. Has she tried Bac or Nal? I can’t remember. Ive been off Baclofen for a couple of months. I’m not tempted to drink because of kindling so it’s not difficult to avoid it. I did have some anxiety but it’s under control now. I take l theanine when needed. I do love this time of year. The trees are starting to turn. Hopefully I’ll stay away from the Halloween candy. I’ve gained weight since quitting Bac!
  9. Happy October! Checking in

    Hello Felina, I'm glad there's someone else posting here! I have been checking every once in a while and feel sad that this site has become so quiet. I don't see addiction slowing down any out there. Great to hear you're going well on the Bac and Antibuse as a back-up. I won't go into detail but we reached crisis point with my wife's drinking last week. I confronted her and she has stopped since, so fingers crossed she will stay stopped. It is such a horrible addiction, to see both sides of it has been... an eye opener to say the least. I have been sober for over a month now and have been going well despite some pretty big stressors in my life. I'm finding that exercising isn't as easy as it was 20 years ago - I get tired a lot more quickly and running more than 3 times a week seems just impossible - I just feel like I'm running into a headwind. I have been feeling run down so ran yesterday for the first time in a week. That felt really good. With all the blather about evidence-based medicine being the only way to go, I despair at how backward addiction treatment is. In Australia treatment centres still use AA as the primary recovery tool. It makes sense - it doesn't cost a cent. Very efficient cost-wise. The shame is that for the 95 per cent of alcoholics that AA does not work for - well, they just don't want to get sober enough, do they? That seems to be all the 'evidence' needed, which is simply pathetic. If my wife needs more help down the track - ie an in-house treatment programme - it's going to involve a lot of AA whether she likes it or not (she doesn't). Bloody hopeless.
  10. I feel bad seeing the lack of activity on this forum the last few months. I miss seeing everyone checking in. @StuckinLA, where are you? I'm doing really well, at least medication-wise. The combination of baclofen (120 mgs/day, possibly going down to to 100 soon) and low-dose antabuse is working great for me. I hope a few familiar faces check in this month. Here's to a happy Sober October!
  11. Checking in - September 2018

    @Molly78 That is terrible re the car crash but it sounds like it was a big one - I'm glad that you are okay... you very easily might not have been. It's a good thing that your son is facing his addiction. Many don't. And good on you for giving your other son a home after his divorce. Depending on how you view having adult children living with you, it could be great... or not so much! I know if I was in his shoes I would be very grateful. I was in the same boat after my first marrage went south. Not much to report here. My wife is depressed and so is angry with me again. I can't do anything right. I can't argue with her or explain my lack of doing the jobs she complains that I am not because she isn't rational. I feel like running away and hiding because otherwise I am on a state of alert all the time. I'll cook an elaborate meal, do most the washing up from the afternoon and the meal and she says she'll do what's left. Then an hour later, seemingly still fairly sober, rolls her eyes and huffs around shaking her head because I haven't washed those things up. It does my head in. Incredibly, no cravings or even thinking of AL. In fact, I feel grateful for being sober this week. Have has intermittant sleep with back problems (and a few nights of binge-watching a series on Netflix, Suits) and so have woken up feeling pretty tired. During the day I've started to feel really good. That would not happen on a hangover. I rode my bike down to the shops yesterday, something I have not done for at least 3 months. Riding up the hill back home would usually have my legs feeling like lead and my lungs on fire. This time I just motored on up, not slowing. I was breathing heavily when I got home but it felt good. I must be getting fit!
  12. Checking in - September 2018

    Hi @MJM. I wonder why it's so quiet. It's not as though the incidence of alcoholism is going down as far as I know! You would think many more people would be searching for help online & therefore finding their way here or at MWO. It's a puzzle. Impressed that your psych doesn't want you to take ADs! I agree with him entirely. You would be adding a potential poison into a situation that just needs to be resolved. Somehow. Sorry, no good advice to offer about that, except maybe a "trial" separation? See how you feel when you're not dealing with a drunk person on a daily basis? For myself, I have had a miserable summer despite the brilliant weather. One son divorced & came back to live with me, another one in rehab with drug/alcohol problems (now out & doing OK but a lot of trauma along the way), finishing things off nicely with a serious car accident 2 weeks ago, car a write off, insurance company saying I am liable (can't prove the other driver was speeding) all the paperwork & stress that goes along with that kind of event. My alcohol intake crept up, so baclofen now back up to 120 mg daily & starting to stabilise again - only 13 units this week. Keep being told I am lucky to be alive given the force I was hit with, so I guess I am. Only bruises from the airbags. I hope this last few months is all my bad luck coming at once, maybe fate will leave me alone now & piss off & bother someone else. Fingers crossed.
  13. How is everyone? This forum is very quiet. I went over to have a peek at MYO the other day and it wasn't a whole lot better. I hope people become more involved here. Saw a shrink who thinks I am depressed because of my home situation, and that unless I decide what I am going to do about my wife's drinking (rather than staying in a holding pattern) then I am going to continue to be. He doesn't think anti-depressants will really work until I resolve things in my mind. It's an interesting approach for a psychiatrist. The ones I've seen before are very keep to prescribe ADs. He has prescribed an AD, but actually said he'd prefer that I didn't fill it! Also got an Antibuse script, as a backstop to the Baclofen. I don't know what to do abt home life. It ranges from just accepting my wife drinks and pretend everything is okay to simply asking her to leave and everything in between. It is not an easy thing to work through. I keep wanting to run away from it, deny it's even happening. It's been a stressful week with my wife and also teenage kids, who have had some dramas as well. No cravings though. I have given up on the 16-hour diet. I got up to 2 weeks on it consistantly with about another 2 weeks before that on and off. It doesn't seem to work for me - I'm not losing weight and occasionally end up really tired after lunch, needing a nap. I know that it might work if I go on a low carb diet and do a few other things but I think with everything that's going on that I am not going to make life harder. I'm still getting 3-4 exercise sessions in a week.
  14. Checking In - August 2018

    PS. @StuckinLA, how are things with you? I was thinking of you as my kids are back in college as of last week.
  15. Checking In - August 2018

    Hi everyone. It’s interesting what you say about the after affects of AL @MJM. I found that the longer I took Baclofen, the worse I would feel after drinking even though I was drinking very little and not often. I eventually got to the point where I could barely function the next day. Combine that with the delayed kindling and I have all the incentive I need to stay AF! I hope the Antabuse works well for you both. That would also be good incentive
  16. Checking In - August 2018

    @Felinathank you for your kind words. My GP has suggested Antibuse too. I'd forgotten about that and it is a good idea. I'm seeing her in about a week. I'll give it a go. I have to go to another city for work today and can still feel the effects of drinking two nights ago! It's not as bad as yesterday where I hardly could do anything but it still really knocks me around now. The interesting thing is in days leading up to drinking, I'd think about booze in passing, but then think it through - ie remember how terrible you felt last time. And that would be that. So while I might not feel great beforehand to be honest I just don't see the drink coming. It just seems to pop up, I don't seem to be able to read the signs. Antibuse will knock that on the head.
  17. Checking In - August 2018

    @MJM, I'm glad you're not beating yourself up. There's no shame in it. Get back on the horse and continue on. So glad to hear that the depression is lifting! I have been trying to reduce my baclofen dosage, but every time I do it I find that I drink more. I just recently found a possible solution: Alldaychemist is having a dirt-cheap sale on antabuse (yes, antabuse): https://www.alldaychemist.com/dizone.html - I just started taking it in low doses (125 mg every other day), and find that it dovetails well with baclofen. I don't have any cravings, and I know I can't drink out of boredom, so it's pretty effortless. I plan on experimenting with lowering my bac dosage. If I find myself besieged by cravings, I'll just go back up to my usual bac dose (140 mgs/day). Even if I can't reduce the bac, I might keep taking the antabuse for a while. I love being completely sober. Whenever I do decide to drink (rarely) I feel like shit. And I like having that little extra assurance that keeps me from even considering it. Maybe that would work for you?
  18. 6 years later, back where it all began

    @guardian I am so sorry. Please be careful with your dosing. Please get rid of the gun as well! You can rebuild, for your own sake and for your son's. Please keep posting here. We all support you.
  19. Checking In - August 2018

    How strange. I drank last night. We had people over, and I had whisperings of cravings in the afternoon and I wondered about taking some of my evening Bac dose early. I had been feeling down, thinking about my Mum (who died 3 yrs ago). I got on my exercise bike for 35min and felt much better so I am a bit taken aback by this. I didn't drink a lot - perhaps a bottle of wine, if that. I really feel the effects today though. Clearly the Bac alone isn't working. Yes, it's doing a fantastic job of warding off cravings most of the time, but that isn't enough for me. For me it's abstinance. That's what I want. I won't give myself a hard time about this, I want to look forward not back. My GP suggested that I go to an outpatient support group (not AA) and I'm thinking I might take her up on the idea. My wife's drinking is not good. She said a few odd things last night. It's no wonder we don't have company all that much anymore.
  20. Very quiet around here... I hope everyone is okay. I think I've been sober for about a month. My depression is lifting - life seems a lot less dark than it did. A major change is my concentration has improved. I can't believe how much I missed, it was like a had blackouts all the time - when sober. Bac is doing its job - 150mg a day, no cravings. Seeing a shrink, who might put me on ADs but for now thinks my depression might be because of circumstances. Those circumstances seem to be changing, so that helps.
  21. 6 years later, back where it all began

    Hey @guardian hang in there. You can do this. Getting out of the hole we dig for ourselves isn't easy, but you're already on your way to doing it. I've fucked up too many times to count; many of us have. Sounds like you've had a shit of a time but now isn't the moment for recriminations. You know where the starting point is, you just have to stick with it this time. I'm of the opinion that being sober on Bac is the only way to help re-wire my reward system so I can eventually not feel that getting out of it will fix me. That and dealing with any other problems - eg anxiety and depression. That's just me. Whatever works for you. Of course you care about your boy. You will have a chance of being a good father to him. Just give yourself that chance.
  22. 6 years later, back where it all began

    Good luck. Be careful. It took a long time to get here so give yourself some time to titrate up safely.
  23. 6 years later, back where it all began

    This is it. I'm doing it the way I did it the first time. I'm ruined by this alcohol. I earned and saved a million dollars and burned through it. 6 years it took me. I lost my angel. Threw her away. I have a 5 month old boy I've never seen. My first. I know guys aren't supposed to care; I do. I'm shattered. I haven't worked in 4 months. I have a gun by my side that I'll never use on myself because I'm a coward. I'm an immature little boy in a titan's body. Everything I had was destroyed. Ian starting dose: 100. Current dose: I don't fucking know, I'm just poppin pills..
  24. Checking In - July 2018

    Gorgeous picture, @MJM. Sorry about the drinking. Well, as July winds down to a close, things are still things here. No definite job but several interviews lined up, and a pretty decent line on some fall classes at one of the schools I worked at last year. I've gone from abject panic to simmering annoyance. Otherwise everything just feels slow and unproductive and distracted. Kind of a lame update, but it's what I got.
  25. Checking In - July 2018

    Hi Phoenix I definetly think naltrexone works with other addictions,since being on it my I’ve had no trouble dieting although that could be the lack of wine ?
  26. Checking In - July 2018

    Beautiful picture MJM sorry to hear you are so down and hope you find some sort of solution soon. Im still on the naltrexone route,after 3 months in it I had 2 weeks alcohol free and now have been drinking once or twice a week.I still drink to much on those occasions but in between I have hardly any cravings,unheard of for me to go days without alcohol for quite a few years.Still taking the pill one hour before drinking and I truly believe this is working I know you’ve got enough in your plate but have you thought about trying TSM?
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