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  2. Checking in - September 2018

    @Molly78 That is terrible re the car crash but it sounds like it was a big one - I'm glad that you are okay... you very easily might not have been. It's a good thing that your son is facing his addiction. Many don't. And good on you for giving your other son a home after his divorce. Depending on how you view having adult children living with you, it could be great... or not so much! I know if I was in his shoes I would be very grateful. I was in the same boat after my first marrage went south. Not much to report here. My wife is depressed and so is angry with me again. I can't do anything right. I can't argue with her or explain my lack of doing the jobs she complains that I am not because she isn't rational. I feel like running away and hiding because otherwise I am on a state of alert all the time. I'll cook an elaborate meal, do most the washing up from the afternoon and the meal and she says she'll do what's left. Then an hour later, seemingly still fairly sober, rolls her eyes and huffs around shaking her head because I haven't washed those things up. It does my head in. Incredibly, no cravings or even thinking of AL. In fact, I feel grateful for being sober this week. Have has intermittant sleep with back problems (and a few nights of binge-watching a series on Netflix, Suits) and so have woken up feeling pretty tired. During the day I've started to feel really good. That would not happen on a hangover. I rode my bike down to the shops yesterday, something I have not done for at least 3 months. Riding up the hill back home would usually have my legs feeling like lead and my lungs on fire. This time I just motored on up, not slowing. I was breathing heavily when I got home but it felt good. I must be getting fit!
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  4. Checking in - September 2018

    Hi @MJM. I wonder why it's so quiet. It's not as though the incidence of alcoholism is going down as far as I know! You would think many more people would be searching for help online & therefore finding their way here or at MWO. It's a puzzle. Impressed that your psych doesn't want you to take ADs! I agree with him entirely. You would be adding a potential poison into a situation that just needs to be resolved. Somehow. Sorry, no good advice to offer about that, except maybe a "trial" separation? See how you feel when you're not dealing with a drunk person on a daily basis? For myself, I have had a miserable summer despite the brilliant weather. One son divorced & came back to live with me, another one in rehab with drug/alcohol problems (now out & doing OK but a lot of trauma along the way), finishing things off nicely with a serious car accident 2 weeks ago, car a write off, insurance company saying I am liable (can't prove the other driver was speeding) all the paperwork & stress that goes along with that kind of event. My alcohol intake crept up, so baclofen now back up to 120 mg daily & starting to stabilise again - only 13 units this week. Keep being told I am lucky to be alive given the force I was hit with, so I guess I am. Only bruises from the airbags. I hope this last few months is all my bad luck coming at once, maybe fate will leave me alone now & piss off & bother someone else. Fingers crossed.
  5. How is everyone? This forum is very quiet. I went over to have a peek at MYO the other day and it wasn't a whole lot better. I hope people become more involved here. Saw a shrink who thinks I am depressed because of my home situation, and that unless I decide what I am going to do about my wife's drinking (rather than staying in a holding pattern) then I am going to continue to be. He doesn't think anti-depressants will really work until I resolve things in my mind. It's an interesting approach for a psychiatrist. The ones I've seen before are very keep to prescribe ADs. He has prescribed an AD, but actually said he'd prefer that I didn't fill it! Also got an Antibuse script, as a backstop to the Baclofen. I don't know what to do abt home life. It ranges from just accepting my wife drinks and pretend everything is okay to simply asking her to leave and everything in between. It is not an easy thing to work through. I keep wanting to run away from it, deny it's even happening. It's been a stressful week with my wife and also teenage kids, who have had some dramas as well. No cravings though. I have given up on the 16-hour diet. I got up to 2 weeks on it consistantly with about another 2 weeks before that on and off. It doesn't seem to work for me - I'm not losing weight and occasionally end up really tired after lunch, needing a nap. I know that it might work if I go on a low carb diet and do a few other things but I think with everything that's going on that I am not going to make life harder. I'm still getting 3-4 exercise sessions in a week.
  6. Checking In - August 2018

    PS. @StuckinLA, how are things with you? I was thinking of you as my kids are back in college as of last week.
  7. Checking In - August 2018

    Hi everyone. It’s interesting what you say about the after affects of AL @MJM. I found that the longer I took Baclofen, the worse I would feel after drinking even though I was drinking very little and not often. I eventually got to the point where I could barely function the next day. Combine that with the delayed kindling and I have all the incentive I need to stay AF! I hope the Antabuse works well for you both. That would also be good incentive
  8. Checking In - August 2018

    @Felinathank you for your kind words. My GP has suggested Antibuse too. I'd forgotten about that and it is a good idea. I'm seeing her in about a week. I'll give it a go. I have to go to another city for work today and can still feel the effects of drinking two nights ago! It's not as bad as yesterday where I hardly could do anything but it still really knocks me around now. The interesting thing is in days leading up to drinking, I'd think about booze in passing, but then think it through - ie remember how terrible you felt last time. And that would be that. So while I might not feel great beforehand to be honest I just don't see the drink coming. It just seems to pop up, I don't seem to be able to read the signs. Antibuse will knock that on the head.
  9. Checking In - August 2018

    @MJM, I'm glad you're not beating yourself up. There's no shame in it. Get back on the horse and continue on. So glad to hear that the depression is lifting! I have been trying to reduce my baclofen dosage, but every time I do it I find that I drink more. I just recently found a possible solution: Alldaychemist is having a dirt-cheap sale on antabuse (yes, antabuse): https://www.alldaychemist.com/dizone.html - I just started taking it in low doses (125 mg every other day), and find that it dovetails well with baclofen. I don't have any cravings, and I know I can't drink out of boredom, so it's pretty effortless. I plan on experimenting with lowering my bac dosage. If I find myself besieged by cravings, I'll just go back up to my usual bac dose (140 mgs/day). Even if I can't reduce the bac, I might keep taking the antabuse for a while. I love being completely sober. Whenever I do decide to drink (rarely) I feel like shit. And I like having that little extra assurance that keeps me from even considering it. Maybe that would work for you?
  10. 6 years later, back where it all began

    @guardian I am so sorry. Please be careful with your dosing. Please get rid of the gun as well! You can rebuild, for your own sake and for your son's. Please keep posting here. We all support you.
  11. Checking In - August 2018

    How strange. I drank last night. We had people over, and I had whisperings of cravings in the afternoon and I wondered about taking some of my evening Bac dose early. I had been feeling down, thinking about my Mum (who died 3 yrs ago). I got on my exercise bike for 35min and felt much better so I am a bit taken aback by this. I didn't drink a lot - perhaps a bottle of wine, if that. I really feel the effects today though. Clearly the Bac alone isn't working. Yes, it's doing a fantastic job of warding off cravings most of the time, but that isn't enough for me. For me it's abstinance. That's what I want. I won't give myself a hard time about this, I want to look forward not back. My GP suggested that I go to an outpatient support group (not AA) and I'm thinking I might take her up on the idea. My wife's drinking is not good. She said a few odd things last night. It's no wonder we don't have company all that much anymore.
  12. Very quiet around here... I hope everyone is okay. I think I've been sober for about a month. My depression is lifting - life seems a lot less dark than it did. A major change is my concentration has improved. I can't believe how much I missed, it was like a had blackouts all the time - when sober. Bac is doing its job - 150mg a day, no cravings. Seeing a shrink, who might put me on ADs but for now thinks my depression might be because of circumstances. Those circumstances seem to be changing, so that helps.
  13. 6 years later, back where it all began

    Hey @guardian hang in there. You can do this. Getting out of the hole we dig for ourselves isn't easy, but you're already on your way to doing it. I've fucked up too many times to count; many of us have. Sounds like you've had a shit of a time but now isn't the moment for recriminations. You know where the starting point is, you just have to stick with it this time. I'm of the opinion that being sober on Bac is the only way to help re-wire my reward system so I can eventually not feel that getting out of it will fix me. That and dealing with any other problems - eg anxiety and depression. That's just me. Whatever works for you. Of course you care about your boy. You will have a chance of being a good father to him. Just give yourself that chance.
  14. 6 years later, back where it all began

    Good luck. Be careful. It took a long time to get here so give yourself some time to titrate up safely.
  15. 6 years later, back where it all began

    This is it. I'm doing it the way I did it the first time. I'm ruined by this alcohol. I earned and saved a million dollars and burned through it. 6 years it took me. I lost my angel. Threw her away. I have a 5 month old boy I've never seen. My first. I know guys aren't supposed to care; I do. I'm shattered. I haven't worked in 4 months. I have a gun by my side that I'll never use on myself because I'm a coward. I'm an immature little boy in a titan's body. Everything I had was destroyed. Ian starting dose: 100. Current dose: I don't fucking know, I'm just poppin pills..
  16. Checking In - July 2018

    Gorgeous picture, @MJM. Sorry about the drinking. Well, as July winds down to a close, things are still things here. No definite job but several interviews lined up, and a pretty decent line on some fall classes at one of the schools I worked at last year. I've gone from abject panic to simmering annoyance. Otherwise everything just feels slow and unproductive and distracted. Kind of a lame update, but it's what I got.
  17. Checking In - July 2018

    Hi Phoenix I definetly think naltrexone works with other addictions,since being on it my I’ve had no trouble dieting although that could be the lack of wine 😏
  18. Checking In - July 2018

    Beautiful picture MJM sorry to hear you are so down and hope you find some sort of solution soon. Im still on the naltrexone route,after 3 months in it I had 2 weeks alcohol free and now have been drinking once or twice a week.I still drink to much on those occasions but in between I have hardly any cravings,unheard of for me to go days without alcohol for quite a few years.Still taking the pill one hour before drinking and I truly believe this is working I know you’ve got enough in your plate but have you thought about trying TSM?
  19. Checking In - July 2018

    Hello all, It's great to see so much activity here after such a quiet period. Long may it continue! I have not been doing so well. I wish that I could manage to pull myself out of the loop of alcoholism, but it seems I cannot. I have been on a busman's holiday for 3 weeks. I have driven about 6500km in that time, half of that distance and most of that time with my family in the Red Centre of Australia. Bittersweet memories of that time... the key thing is that the drinking has returned. Every few days. God, it's so damn boring. It is linked to my depression, I think. I have been flat for ages and will organise a medication review with a psychiatrist asap. I will have to go back on meds, because exercise, meditation and fresh air isn't doing it. Any suggestions on what else I can try before I hit the anti-depressants again? At least I'm not smoking. Maybe I should start again, just to mix it up a little. For fuck's sake. What a mess. I have thought about increasing Bac from the current 75mg am and 75 pm to 75mg am, 25mg 3pm and 50mg pm (bedtime) or just bump up the daily dose. Of couse, Baclofen is like taking cod liver oil these days - like, no GPs around here have any idea how to treat people like me. There are other problems, like my wife's drinking and mental state. I don't know what to do there. I aso realised I don't have any friends. None. Is that normal? Like, the only people who I really talk to are you, here on a vulnerable piece of coding. Here's a pic I took of whan camping near Ularu (Ayers Rock) a few weeks ago. Enjoy.
  20. Checking In - July 2018

    Hi there I'm just popping by, it's coming up to my 5 years AF date. For anyone who doesn't know I did TSM for almost 2 years which got my intake right down, before I decided it was time to quit totally. Not had a single drop since 21st July 2013. In that time I've gone back to uni, done a post grad to qualify as a psychotherapist, decided to take further specialist training in eating disorders and obesity. It's not uncommon for EDs and food issues to go hand in hand with addiction/substance abuse - which I know through my own experience (and suffering). Now hoping I can offer the sort of help I didn't receive. I've also been able to do very well in the sport I wanted to be involved with, and very interested/involved with various alternative health practices - yoga, cold water therapy, various other things I use to help reduce anxiety and handle stress.
  21. The French position, fighting back

    It's a shame the prescription of bac has to be associated with all the psychotherapeutic/psychosocial stuff, since it is a stand alone treatment as many of us can testify. Still, it's progress & yes, good news!
  22. The French position, fighting back

    That's great news!
  23. The French position, fighting back

    It seems that the French have decided to allow the use of baclofen in the treatment of alcoholism. After hearing from baclofen users and supporters the scientific commission set up to consider the issue decided that baclofen treatment needs to continue. Here is a report of the recommendations of the commission, I've underscored the important passages: "Following the filing of a marketing authorization application filed by the Ethypharm laboratory concerning the specialty Baclocur® (baclofen in the treatment of alcohol-dependence) following the modified RTU which limited to 80 mg / day the maximum dosage of baclofen in this indication, the CSST (Temporary Special Scientific Committee) mandated by the ANSM had delivered a negative opinion on the benefit / risk of this treatment because of various signals of concern regarding the safety of use of this drug especially high doses. The concern of the patients concerned, their entourage and caregivers was therefore major because this opinion could lead to the refusal of the AMM, the termination of the RTU and thus the withdrawal of baclofen in this indication! An unbelievable new episode in the already (too) animated saga of baclofen. However, following the mobilization of patient associations, prescribers and professional federations and aware that baclofen met a real expectation and that the problem posed a real societal dimension beyond the conventional evaluation of a drug, the Director General of the ANSM decided for the first time to create and convene a "Joint Ad Hoc Committee", bringing together members of the three regular commissions of the ANSM to give an opinion on the evaluation of the use of baclofen in the treatment alcohol-dependent patients. YES to baclofen! This commission, chaired by Professor Nicolas Authier, met on 03 and 04 July, the day of 03/07 being devoted to the hearing of stakeholders, associations of patients, prescribers involved, learned societies, professional federations of which the Addiction Federation represented by Drs. Aram Kavciyan and Xavier Aknine (under MG Addiction). These hearings and the rich debates that followed allowed this commission, despite the CSST's opinion, to decide in favor of the use of baclofen in alcohol-dependent patients and therefore against the withdrawal of this drug. in this indication. NO to the AMM "Baclocur", in the state On the other hand, the Commission is against the marketing authorization application proposed by the Ethypharm laboratory. Unlike a RTU for which a mere presumption of effectiveness may be sufficient, a marketing authorization requires that the benefit / risk ratio be established, which, in the opinion of the Commission, was not the case solely with regard to elements produced in the dossier submitted by the laboratory. YES to a refurbished prescription setting: Following the hearings and the latest international data, the Commission proposes that the use of baclofen may continue, in particular under the following conditions: in the indication of alcohol use disorders after failure of available therapies with the objective of reducing alcohol consumption to a low-risk consumption level; prescription by any doctor up to the dosage of 80 mg / day. Beyond this dosage, specialized multidisciplinary management should be systematically proposed, given an increase in the frequency of serious undesirable effects with increasing doses; no contraindication in case of associated psychiatric disorders but need guidance for advice or follow-up to a psychiatrist; the prescription of baclofen must be associated with psychotherapeutic and / or psychocorporeal and / or social, systematic management; the prescription of baclofen must be accompanied by a booklet for monitoring and promoting the proper use of baclofen. Advances In the end and despite the negative opinion concerning the AMM dossier for "Baclocur ® " , the Commission is calling for the continued use of the baclofen indication in alcohol use disorders and even proposes to make the possibilities more flexible. prescribing the current RTU by no longer limiting them to 80 mg / day and not retaining the contraindications for psychiatric disorders proposed for example in the laboratory file . Lastly, it recalls the need for a global approach, not exclusively for medicine, to deal with such a complex problem. A consensus on baclofen, is it possible? Faced with this health problem of such a large scale and the difficulties of specialized access in certain territories, the Addiction Federation had for its part proposed a greater involvement of primary care medicine on the basis of ad hoc training. and strengthened links with addictology structures, reserving specialized intervention for complex cases regardless of a dose threshold. Similarly, the use of a specialized device beyond the dose threshold of 80 mg / day can only be done in compliance with the therapeutic alliance created with the patient. Nevertheless, it welcomes the real progress achieved by this important work of consultation, especially as the convergent positions of all the professional organizations, including the Addiction Federation, helped to influence the debates in order to better meet patients' expectations. . It is now up to the ANSM to make a decision, we do not doubt that it is part of the dynamic consensual thus launched!" https://www.federationaddiction.fr/communique-commission-baclofene-a-lansm-un-pas-en-arriere-deux-pas-en-avant/
  24. Checking In - July 2018

    Logged on just now, and so happy to see all this activity! @Nicnak it's nice to hear that things seem on an upswing, and congrats on your week! You know the first days and weeks are the toughest, but 7 days is a big deal and I'm glad you're not oppressed by cravings. @Molly78 your son sounds like he's in a tough place. I remember when bac (or in his case, nal) promised to be a miracle cure and at the same time permission to go all out and drink as much as I could. Beginning to think even that may be part of the long, ongoing process. Hope he finds his way. And here's to you, and your concern. Genetic dispositions are a b*tch but try not to carry too much guilt for it - no one ever makes anyone else drink. @Felina you are rockin' it these days. Awesome about your job, the challenging and rewarding part. And @Reggie! Good to see you, brother. Hope you're doing well. Would be great to hear from Ne, last I heard she's still alive but that's all I know. Miss her and worry about her. Sober is till going ok more or less for me, just the way things are. Still counting the months when the 8th rolls around, which is today, which is 19 months. Went to a wedding yesterday, and that was fine. I still think about drinking almost every day, but not exactly cravings. It's been so, so hot here the last couple days and I remembered the misery of sweltering hot days when I was in the depths of booze, how much it sucked to be sweaty and lethargic and still needing to pour buckets of liquor into myself. Man, glad it doesn't have to be like that today. To deal with stress I've been getting high every night for the last few weeks - since school ended, really. Sometimes a little earlier than "night," but I hate being high during the day. I've cancelled all the ways I watch TV - Netflix has been gone for a while, Amazon Prime ends today (after catching up on Game of Thrones ), so the options for getting high and vegging out to TV will be extremely limited. That's the point. The job situation is pretty dire - the job I thought I had a real good shot at turned me down on Friday, and now I'm not sure about the chances to stay in LA. Something is bound to work out, I know, but the waiting and the stress and the distraction of it all is really messing with me this year. Haven't worked much at all on my writing - the only thing that truly matters. I have all this time, but find it near impossible to do any sustained work. It's a daily struggle, one that I hope will improve without the escape of wallowing in front of the television. That's about it here, hope y'all are having a good one.
  25. Checking In - July 2018

    Yes, congrats to @Nicnak Just heard my son has discharged himself from the Priory as he was "fed up with the 12 steps bollocks". He has a script from his GP for naltrexone & has read up on TSM so fingers crossed. He had a go before he went to the Priory but Like a lot of people he thought it meant he could push his drinking to the limit & somehow be miraculously cured. As I think @BarrelChested has said - medication helps you to help yourself but it won't work if you're not working with it.
  26. Checking In - July 2018

    Oh my goodness @Molly78 I am so sorry about your son. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself with the increased bac. I imagine it would be too easy to drink away your troubles. Self-care is so important! I hope your son can find some relief soon. Congrats on the AF time, @Nicnak. Glad to hear that the Nal is working for you.
  27. Going back to baclofen

    Stevo I can recommend this......... it works for me. try it 30 mg Bac 300 mg gabapentin ( which is a low dose) kills anxiety which i believe is the main reason we drink
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