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  1. 4 points
    I'm not sure what the rules are here about starting a new check-in month, but let's see what happens. Seemed silly adding a comment to May when, well, it's not May anymore. What a crazy few weeks it has been. I stopped smoking about 3 weeks ago using Zyban. I had hoped that it would also work as an anti-depressant (it's the same drug as the anti-depressant Wellbutrin) but as I posted in the May check-in, it did the opposite for me. I became anxious (a known side-effect), more than I have been in a long time. I stopped taking the Zyban just over a week ago because I could not stand the anxiety and, well, depression. Crying a lot, when I think about it, about my mum - who died 2.5 years ago, feeling bad about poor decisions I've made etc. I became so depressed this week (although the anxiety left soon after stopping Zyban, thank christ) that for the first time ever when sober I began to think of ways to end it all. That was a bit scary. That bleak view of the world, where I could not see me being in it any longer, seems to have lifted in the last day or two. I have not been able to work much in the last week or two either. I'm hoping as my mood lifts (just hope it does) that I will also be able to work properly again. A friend reminded me last night that I have done some fairly significant stuff lately. Have not had a drink for 3 months (longest period sober in many years, although I have done 2 month stretches often since starting to take bac 3 yrs ago) and have stopped smoking. I think it is so hard because I no longer have the alcohol, cigarettes or anything else in my life that allows me to escape or brings me happiness. Not my family, not hobbies. It's not such a great space to be in, even though I am sober, nicotine-free and exercising for 30min a day. Oh, I have been getting stuck into food in the last week, so my weight is creeping up a bit. At least I have one of the seven deadly sins going on. I've started seeing a psychologist again although i don't know what help she is really giving me at the moment. My wife has not been drinking much at all for the last week or so, as she's been taking Naltrexone. I'd like to say I've noticed what a difference that makes but there's been so much else going on for me that I haven't really noticed. It's true that the new-found relief from not being hung-over or ashamed about drunken behavior doesn't last very long when you stay sober. Life is still life, and it can still suck. At least you have a fighting chance of fixing shit in your life. For some of us, there seems to be a fair bit of shit that the drinking was covering up.
  2. 4 points
    Congrats on your retirement, @Molly78. Enjoy your time at the gym and yoga, and so happy to hear you feel relieved in the mornings - must be such a wonderful switch from the grind of work! No news here, will let y'all know if I find a job. And happy Mothers' Day to all the moms and those with moms and basically just everyone
  3. 4 points
    Hi everyone. I haven't posted for a while, good to catch up with all of you above. I am down to 80 mg bac from 200 mg, don't feel any different - I have the odd drink but it's habit really, it doesn't produce any positive feelings & if I push it & have another one I just feel dopy & demotivated. So something in my brain has changed, maybe permanently? Not sure whether to go down any further at the moment as some lifestyle changes are happening - I have retired from work. Although I was only paid to work 2 days a week I actually worked 3 days most weeks. Even so, it's amazing how much mental energy work demanded of me & I feel a real sense of relief when I wake up in the morning. I have signed up for yoga & pilates at the gym & like @MJMI am trying to do 30 mins on the exercise bike 4 times a week. I think bac has weakened my core muscles & I really need to work on them to stop my back problem progressing. Maybe too little too late but the sense of achievement is nice.
  4. 4 points
    Hello everyone! Good to hear from people. @Felina, thank you for starting this thread @StuckinLA, 1000 congratulations! ???. I’m so proud of you. Glad to hear that classes were rewarding. Have you thought about posting some of that writing for us to read? What is the subject matter? @Nicnak good luck with TSM. I often wish I had tried that first since you only take medication when you’re drinking. Let us know how it goes. @MJM Thanks for posting. I feel the same way that Baclofen has changed my life. Fingers crossed for you that the Zyban helps lift your mood. @Otter Thank you for keeping us up to date and for fighting the good fight. I definitely believe that Big Pharma is behind the suppression of baclofen usage to the detriment of alcoholics everywhere. It’s really a crime. As for me, i’ve titrated down from 310 mg of baclofen to 60. I’ve tried to go below 60, but the anxiety kicks in so I haven’t been able to. Maybe someday. I don’t drink at all now because I can’t. I get severe DTs, even after one drink. I think it’s a blessing in disguise because it removes all temptation knowing I’d end up in the hospital. Have a good week everyone!
  5. 3 points
    Happy belated birthday @StuckinLA!! Mine is coming up on the 30th. I’m older than both you and @Nicnak so we’ll leave it at that, shall we?
  6. 3 points
    Oops,just realised this is checking in lol
  7. 3 points
    Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to Stu-uuuuck Well, this is the first time I've gone birthday-to-birthday without a drink (gonna be 18 months in 2 weeks or so). Anyway, just thought I'd mention it, 'cause it feels weird. My entire 38th year on this g*dforsaken rock, dry. Yesterday was nice, went to see Deadpool 2 and then out for vegan ramen with the girl. She had things going on today, so I spent my birthday chillin' by myself and grading student papers. Used some money my folks sent to buy new towels for the bathroom - I am VERY excited about this. And while I've been knocked down with a cold this past week, I'm finally getting back around to the realm of the living. A lingering cough, not helped by smoking, but otherwise feeling much better. That's about it, just thought I'd update.
  8. 3 points
    Hello all, It's good to see a bit more going on around here. Great to hear @Molly78 and @Jetsman32 that you've both successfully titrated down so much on Bac but do not have cravings. Gives me hope, although I'm not changing my dose for a long while yet. And @Jetsman32 I am in a similar situation as you - role reversal with my wife and I work from home (although I have done that for 13 years now). Working from home is great in many ways but yes it can be hard when you don't see anyone all day. I stopped smoking two weeks ago, using Zyban. It is a wierd drug - it made the cigs seem like nothing - no effect and while it gives me energy - I wake up at 5am most days and go and start working - it also has ramped up my anxiety. That is interesting, because I always wondered if I had plain old depression or anxiety too. I definitely have anxiety, because the Zyban brings that out in me. It has reminded me of several periods in my life where I was incredibly anxious, worried about all sorts of things. The sense of impending doom, the ruminating about poor decisions I've made in my life... wow, it's really not good. I was going to try and hang in there to see if the anti-depressent effect that Zyban is supposed to have would kick in. It can take several weeks to work, apparently. I can't wait any longer, as the anxiety is too hard to live with. Oh well, at least it got me off the cigs. Bac is still doing a great job, nearly 3 months off AL now. I was thinking about that; it's not like I've made a concious decision not to drink, it's just on Bac I have no interest in AL. It's got the same appeal as pouring a glass of olive oil and drinking that. I just can't see the point. I've been exercising most days, putting jogging into the mix. I have seemed to have plateaued though - I haven't lost any weight for over a week, despite cycling like mad on the exercise bike for 30min a day, every day (except when I go for a jog). My mood is not great, but it's affected by the Zyban obviously. I'm hoping that when I'm off the Zyban that not only the anxiety leaves but that I feel a bit more positive about things generally. My wife is taking Naltrexone and that so far is working for her. She drinks far less. Most things in my life are beginning to look up when I think about it.
  9. 3 points
    G'day @StuckinLA glad to see that you're still around and read that you are going so well. I'm going okay other than the drinking which has been pretty full on for the last couple of years now. I stopped taking baclofen when I started choosing to drink after my family broke up,it's been over 2 years now. I am trying to drink less, but being by myself a lot is counter-productive. It's too easy to grab a beer, and then another ad infinitum. I still have baclofen here and I'm sure my GP will prescribe it again, it's just a matter of getting started. I'm sure that there is plenty of lurkers, but sad to see not many contributors. I noticed my post had 15 views when I checked this morning. It's sad to hear that @Ne1 hasn't been around, I remember and contributed to the start up for this website, there were high hopes. I will continue to check in as much as possible, especially if I start taking bac again ? Take care and I hope to catch you again soon.
  10. 3 points
    Hi all. Glad to see the site is back up and running but sorry to hear that nobody has heard from NE1. Hopefully she is ok. @StuckinLA congratulations! 17 months is a BIG deal. Things here are going well. I'm down from 310 per day to 30. Great work Molly on your taper as well. For some reason though, I am not having alcohol cravings even with the very low dose. I'm not complaining at all but am praying that this will continue! Still trying to adjust to the changes at home. In December I started a full time job working from home for a company in Boston. At times I love it and other times I feel depressed and lonely. However, it has been positive because my wife is really starting to kick her career into high gear. Up until a year ago she had been a stay at home mom. She is now a retail manager and really enjoys it. It works out well that I work from home because my wife often has to close at night- usually 2-3 times per week. It's funny because we've totally switched roles. I'm now the one driving our daughters to school, brushing hair and doing the majority of the housework. Although I do get lonely at home during the day, this job has truly been a blessing. Major focus of mine right now is to try to make myself a better person and get rid of bad habits, behaviors and thought patterns. I'm doing this because I want to get the negativity out of my life and also to help with my anxiety which is typically at it's worst when I wake up in the morning. Last weekend I picked up the book Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. Really enjoying it so far. On another note, very proud of my son who turns 17 next month. He goes to a private residential STEM high school and every summer juniors that are becoming seniors are required to do a 6 week research project by working onsite with professionals. My son hit the jackpot and was selected to go to Germany to do cancer research. He want's to be a doctor so this is an amazing opportunity for him. He has also been in touch with the host family he will be living with and they have weekend trips all planned out including going to Paris (and others) and visiting castles. Anyway- glad to see the site is back, it had me worried for awhile. Hope everyone has a great rest of May- I can't believe we are almost at the halfway point of the year. Where does the time go?!
  11. 3 points
    Thank you, everyone. In a lot of ways it does seem like the time has gone quickly. Feels like we're wandering a bit in the wilderness here on this site these days, but it sure is great to see you all. @Mom2JTx3, I'm glad you're doing well! And can't tell quite how you feel about it, but 60 is a pretty low dose and that's great! Yes, maybe some day lower or none would be better but for now, keep on keepin on. Your exercise routine makes me envious, @MJM. And I'll second the thanks to @Otter. If I even start thinking/talking about Big Pharma I'll have an aneurysm. Have a good one, all!
  12. 3 points
    Hi everyone, good to see some activity around here! Mind you, I haven't exactly been helping. Hope Ne is okay, it's been a while since she's posted anything here... Great news Stuck, on the 17 months! Congratuations! It seems like that's gone quickly (to me anyway). I have broken my regular 2-month cycle of drinking it seems (just!). I was due to drink (well, it was beginning to seem that way) on April 28. I have not played with my Bac dose; still 150mg a day and I plan to keep it that way for another year or two, maybe longer. Reducing the dose way too early caused me so much grief. I have been exercising and am still slowly losing weight. I try to get in 3-4 sessions of 30min per week on my exercise bike. It also helps lift my mood a bit, which has been bumping along at what seems a bit less than happy most of the time. Still don't get a thrill out of what usually does, like working on my old car. My writing is shocking too. I was looking for some info and pulled up an old story I wrote a few years ago and couldn't believe I actually wrote it. Much of what I write now is dry, turgid bullshit, and it takes me forever to squeek it out. Like pulling teeth. I was going to say how depressing it all is , but I think you already got that. I've just started taking Zyban, which is partly to get me off cigarettes but to also treat my depression. Two people in my family take it for depression to good effect so there's a good chance it will work for me too. Here's hoping. The main thing is that Baclofen has turned my life around. There are still problems with depression but I feel like I'm slowly working it out. I'll try to be more active here, it really is important to keep this site fresh.
  13. 3 points
    Happy May Day everyone, workers of the world unite! I second @Felina, let's get a breath of fresh air back into this place (while it's still up?). My concern, obviously, is the state of the site and my growing worry over @Ne1. Haven't heard from her in quite a while, even when reaching out via 3D channels. @Moderator1 and @Moderator2 any news you could share on any fronts, anything, would be appreciated. As for rants and blabbering, that's usually my forte. These days, not much going on. Sober coming up on 17 months, and it's also coming up on summer which means job insecurity all over again. Been writing, though. Teaching this past year has been amazing, honestly, and some of the best students I've ever had. This has been a real treat, and unfortunately one that doesn't come around that often. Hope ya'll are doing well out there.
  14. 3 points
    Indeed, I'm trying the Sinclair method. I think I wanted to run before i could walk but i agree i need to take the positives of the affect it's had so far. @BarrelChested Some very valid points and solid advice. Since my post I've taken steps to limit my consumption even more, I really only drink whisky so i only allow myself to have 3-4 single drinks to hand, I didn't want to limit myself this way as it felt like i was cheating (maybe the addict trying to make sure i always had more) but as I'm the one deciding to only bring that much to the table it feels like I've taken back some control. Since making this change, I've found my interest in drinking all 4 drinks goes fairly quickly and often i look and it's 11pm and I'm still on my first drink. I've found that i can overcome the Nal, but the feeling isn't the same even when i do (did) but as people keep telling me, the healing process will take time. I think after the bad week i felt i had taken 10 steps back, but even when i look at my overall consumption and behaviour it was a lot better. This was the biggest eye opener for me. I actually started to write about after the negative feelings i had during my first slip up. My opening line was "i thought I'd found a miracle turns out it was only part of the cure" Nal can only get me so far, the rest of I need to do myself. Finding people who have been or are going though the same has made me understand that I'm not the worst person on the planet, it will take a lot of time to build up the trust in myself. I will have a read of your past posts and I'll assume you've seen it, but one little pill is now my go to film every time i feel I've taken a step back. It's based around the Sinclair method. Thanks for the good luck message and some wise words. Some key thing's I've found after not being drunk constantly for the past month and a half. 1) That stomach pain that you always blamed on some unknown illness has drastically improved.... 2) You do not enjoy films, music, games or any other activity infinitely more because you are drunk, you are not more creative or deep because you are drunk, in fact the appreciation for all of the above is clearer when you're sober and more present. 3) Drink isn't your friend, you were never in control and it's not a weakness to find outside help 4) You are harming others, even if you think it's an activity you do on our own away from the ones you love. 5) You have to forgive yourself to move forward, you have to have to want to move forward for yourself and not anyone else. I'll keep posting my journey here but thanks to all of you who have replied.
  15. 2 points
    Some of you may remember me from the meds forum at MWO. For those of you that don’t, I was active on that forum from 2010 to about 2012. Using baclofen, I was quickly able to go from crippling alcoholism to complete indifference In a very short period of time. My highest dose, and the one at which I reached indifference, was 3.9 mgs. /kg of bodyweight. Thanks to baclofen and the friends that I made at the old forum I was able to maintain indifference at 2.5mgs/kg for 2 years, during which time my life improved dramatically. I felt that the forum really started to go downhill, thanks to several psychopathic malcontents, and I lost interest in it entirely. I’d pop in for Terryk and other’s annual success stories, but that was about it. As it turns out, the support and community was more important in my recovery than I realized. Around 2013, I had a scare when I ran low on baclofen and needed to reduce my dose quickly. I never bothered increasing it to where I had previously been. I’m currently on just enough to help with some anxiety. As would be expected, indifference passed, and I started drinking again on weekends. A little turned into a lot, and the weekends are starting to creep into my weeks on occasion. I’m in a drastically better place than I was 6 years ago when I showed up at MWO, but things are definitely not good and getting worse. In the coming months I’ll be ramping up on my dose and hope to have good news before too long. It’s encouraging to “see” familiar faces that have had continued success. If you are new, and like me, are still struggling with alcoholism, I can’t make any promises. Baclofen is as close to a “magic bullet” as we have in a medical option to this point and it lives up to the claims in terms of treatment of alcohol addiction. However, success is determined by commitment. Continued success, as the short history of this stupid, stupid man indicates, is determined by continued commitment.
  16. 2 points
    Hi @Stevo We’re sporadic but supportive Please join us and good luck getting back on track!
  17. 2 points
    Happy June! Where did May go?? I’m with Stuck on the same old same old. Can’t get below 60 mg Baclofen. Arghh! I’m happy for your wife @MJM. I hope you continue to feel better.
  18. 2 points
    Happy June @MJM! There are no rules here about posting threads, glad people are still here and starting conversations. Congrats on your sobriety, and on kicking the smokes as well! It's also really good to hear that your wife is getting help via Naltrexone. Sounds like things are going well. I had the same effect with the Zyban/Wellbutrin - severe anxiety etc. I behaved like a bipolar person when I was on it. It can definitely be tough to navigate the world without having the alcohol, cigs etc to hide behind. I'm glad you're seeing the psychologist. I remember, after hitting my "switch" on baclofen back in 2011 (!), I went from euphoria to a sort of calm, then to loneliness and boredom and depression (and then to a relapse). It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I hope your mood lifts and your life continues to improve.
  19. 2 points
    Thanks for the June check in! So glad you're coming out of the anxiety and deep depression. Truly hoping your mood lifts further. And congratulations on passing that 3-month hurdle! For some reason I've always felt that was a big one. Like you, I made it into month 2 a number of times before long AF periods set in. If I had anything to update on, I'd update but just the same ol' same old 'round here. A bit more stressed than usual, as classes are over this coming week (which should be a huge relief, freeing up all my time to write) but no job prospects on the horizon. Been moping around and taking a lot of naps. Buying O'doule's and when I get home chugging like half of one before remembering it doesn't work that way...
  20. 2 points
    Hi there I found great success with Nal TSM and since then I've decided to go completely AF. The points you write here are in my opinion so, so true. Nal will not do the leg work for you, it's a tool which can help you start to learn to live with less alcohol. I had points at which I suddenly drank a lot more than others, I think they are called 'extinction bursts' these were almost always new situations such as first time on holiday, or first time out with friends at a beer festival. I looked at them as new 'exposure' to be eliminated. Nal combined with life event reason lack of drinking got me to a point where I didn't like even one glass so decided to go AF. If that's the price I pay for my life back I'll take it.
  21. 2 points
    Happy early birthday, @Mom2JTx3! :cake and candles emoji:
  22. 2 points
    Hi stuck A very well done,you must be sooo proud of yourself and I’m very jeslous will post about my upcoming birthday in checking in
  23. 2 points
    I can identify with that - something I do a lot when feeling anxious & it quickly spirals down into low mood. Bac has helped a lot with that in the past, but right now I have a lot to feel anxious & regretful about. I am mother of 3 sons & have 7 grandchildren between the 3 of them who I generally see a lot of. Sadly 2 of my sons are now going through divorces, this means I will lose all contact with the 1 year old (long story involving son's abuse of alcohol, & where did he get that from I ask myself) & communications with the other DIL have not been friendly recently due to her despicable treatment of my son (not just my opinion, her own family judge her very harshly on this). So I might get to see his 4 children when he has contact. If that works out. If I'm lucky. Only 2 grandchildren left, hoping I don't lose those as well. This sad story will not resonate with most of you on here as you are all too young to have grandchildren. But I warn you, if you are the parent of sons, your links to the next generation are precarious at best! Interestingly, when I got the news yesterday that the 2nd divorce was underway, i decided to drown my sorrows - default decision before baclofen. I managed 2 large vodka tonics - about 4 units - before I just sort of lost interest. No real effect. A bit sleepy. Headache next morning. But just in case I have gone back up to 100 mg, hoping it will help with the stress/anxiety I have at the moment. One son is moving back to live with me for a few weeks which is causing its own stress, being used to living alone for many years. Trying not to be selfish about helping him through a difficult time. OK end of the moaning! On the bright side, weather in UK is magnificent, endless sunshine this week, everywhere looks stunning with blossom & flowers coming up all over the place. Long may it last.
  24. 2 points
    I was wondering what happened to the forum. Nice to see it back up. All quiet here. Well, not really. My wife is fine. Taking her combo of bac and campral morning and night. I'd say she's about 98% back to normal. I think about this a lot. Back in the day, say 10 years ago, I figured this illness would kill her and I was desperate to find something which would make even a ten percent difference. Instead it just got worse. I don't even like to think about it. We're setting ourselves up in a business venture in the UK because we can't work here and my wife is doing all the running getting it set up. I'm freaking out and she's cool as a cucumber. We fell out on Monday and she said she felt like getting a drink but didn't. I had to go for a drive. I felt she was moving too fast but she kept saying she had no worries and would make it work. What a reversal of roles. I'm the nervous wreck. She gives me some bac to help me with the stress. lol. I was told that the French lawsuit was in court on 2 May, but I have heard nothing and there's nothing on the French site about it. I'll keep checking. This was supposed to be about reversing the decision to reduce the dose limit of bac to eighty mg a day, before hearings this summer. I started tweeting about this because I figured this forum was shut down and my Tweets got through to the people taking the case to court and they wrote to me. I think this French situation may be caused by drug companies wanting to suppress prescription of generic baclofen. Xenoport are now moving forward with trials of Gabapentin Encarbil for alcoholism, supported by the NIH and Invidior, the makers of Nurophen, etc., are still working on Arbaclofen Placarbil and they have a history of suppressing generics and were prosecuted by the FDA over Subudone. They raised health concerns about generics to protect their own product and ensured continued profits of $2 billion a year while their safety concerns were investigated, before the FDA found them to be unfounded. What a mess this all is. I hope it all resolves itself successfully and soon. It would be nice to move on... Anyway, it's heating up here, no rain for ages.
  25. 2 points
    Hi all well I’m putting my all into TSM now,into week 2 and am going to stick with it although I know it can take a long time Baclofen was great but I’m very unlucky with the constipation side of it
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