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MJM

I've started this thread so I can keep track of where I've been, and maybe help others on their Baclofen journey.

This is the second time I've written this, last time I was somehow logged out and lost the lot. Don't know what happened there.

First, here's what I've noted after 14 months of taking Baclofen.

- Found indifference at 75mg, then 125mg(? I think) then 185mg. Now on 220mg and hopefully I've reached indifference again.

- SEs have varied from not much at all at 75mg, to some sleepiness titrating up at 125mg, 185mg and now 220mg. A sore lower back seems to have turned up at around 185mg, followed soon after by semi-regular fidgeting (tapping feet, hands or fingers twitching) snoring and waking regularly in the night, often starving hungry. Now I get hallucinations, just when closing my eyes after waking at night too.

I got a shock when I saw a work video (which i was nervous doing) and my hands were twisting as though I had Parkinson's.

- Snoring stopped after a while at 185mg, the waking in the night stopped too. The Aching back would come and go. Snoring is now back in a big way as I have been titrating up to my current 220mg

- With three periods of 2 months AL-free, it felt as though I was making up for lost time in my career. Partly it was a new-found motivation to work - I was almost manic with it - partly it was new work opportunities opening up. My writing and research skills improved a lot (having a clear mind will do that).

- With a suddenly very busy work life, taking on my childcare responsibilities suddenly got a lot harder -- I had been in effect part-time before. I would find myself really stressed out because I would have to get the kids to school by 9am and pick them up by 3pm. Too bad if I had to suddenly interview a CEO by phone at 3.15 and the kids were fighting... Or go out on a photoshoot and try to compress a 10-hour day into five.

- It seems as though with Bac I forgot about my AL-addiction and depression. I would post here or on MWO but mostly it was like I didn't want to know about it. I was cured, or so my subconscious seemed to be telling me. 

- Relaxed muscles, a general feeling of well being arrived at the 75mg indifference. It didn't last long, esp as I titrated up. My neck/shoulder muscles - always where I stored tension -- became even worse as I went up on Bac.

- Stress/anxiety has not been my friend, not that it ever was. But on Bac I would hit a stressful time (my Mum getting very sick and then dying) and after a certain point, I got a craving and drank again. 

- My memory seems worse at the higher doses. I would sometimes forget appointments, often the midday or mid-afternoon Bac doses I would have to think really hard if I had actually taken them.

There you go. I've got lots to say about what's been happening lately but have had enough tonight.

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Ne1

So glad to see  you post a thread, MJM. I know you know it helped me a lot. Good to be accountable, good to look back and see where you were and compare, and good to write about stuff so that you don't have to just live silently with it. 

Also relieved to hear that you achieved indifference again! Congrats! :) 

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MJM

Thanks Ne. It is good to be sober again.

Although this afternoon it has been a bit of a struggle (sigh). I don't feel like drinking, but I have been feeling depressed. Picked up my car from its 2-year service and it will need to go back in again to get the gearbox taken out to see why it's making a noise in reverse. It will all be covered under warranty and I have other transport while it's away. It's just that I think it's won't be the same when I get it back (ie probably worse) which may or may not be true. It's also that it was my first brand-new car in 30 years so the thought that it needs a major component rebuilt or even replaced is well, upsetting for this perfectionist.

The problem happened probably because I have been towing with it quite a bit (within its towing capacity) and also fitting a tuning box (basically boosts performance). 

I should really build a bridge and get over it. It's not a big deal, it's just a bloody little cheap car and will work fine when I get it fixed (for free). It's a city run-about not a SUV tow vehicle or a sports car. Jeez...

The other thing is I have been so busy, yet am faffing around too. So today I had to pick-up my car, drop in to say hello to my dad, write two 2000-word stories, have the kids arrive at my office at 3.10 and give them something to do, go to a physio appoint at 3.30, get my daughter to her singing lesson at 4.00 (just around corner from physio) and sort-out images for one of my stories while the kids were wanting to go home from my office.

Got one of the stories and pics out. Should really start the second yarn now but I just couldn't be arsed. It'll be in first thing Monday. I have time.

 

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Ne1

It IS so hard to manage the day-to-day life stuff, sometimes. I'm easily overwhelmed these days, but even when I wasn't, I couldn't believe how much time the mundane stuff takes to accomplish...The grocery store, dry cleaner, post office, oil changes, bill paying and on and on, without even adding an extra project or (heaven forbid) something fun into the mix. Being a grown up is a full time job. Hopefully, though, things become easier to manage, or at least you'll feel better about them, as time goes on. 

I did a bunch of reading when noodling around for information about addiction, not just medication stuff, but in general. Depression is, without question, a common 'side effect' of quitting drinking. For some it happens right away. For some it takes a little while to set in. But it's probably going to be there eventually and it takes a while to sort out life, and brain chemistry, to feel halfway decent again. 

Sorry about your car. I can totally relate, after what happened to the Prius. We're still paying off the damn thing and we almost had to spend an additional $3-4000 to keep it on the road. I was SO distressed about it. You know how well that worked out for us! Hopefully the same will happen for you and your car. 

I don't want to bring up a sore subject, but can you explain how urine is good for citrus trees? Also, I'm jealous that you have citrus trees at all! 

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Nicnak

Mjm

I get the foot tapping,wringing of hands and general what I call "physical anxiety" ,usually at later part of the day.

my snoring is (I think) gone

Last time when I lost indifference I went right up to 280mg and had almost unbearable pain and tension in my shoulders.

Still nodding off early evening

 

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MJM

Thanks Nicknak. Good to see I'm not the only one. These SEs are not fun though, are they?

I drank again on Saturday night. Not quite as much as I usually would, but still a lot. 

I am sticking with 220mg for now. The SEs are starting to get a bit tough.

Got some news today, which I panicked about at first but then realised it was a good thing. Long story, but there'll be a new full-timer doing some of the work I cover as a freelancer.

Turns out I will lose the more stressful jobs I've being doing for that company. I'd say yes to a job (freelance, you never say no) with a few days notice, have to reshuffle other work, organise care for the kids if my wife couldn't cover, and have the thing written up ASAP afterwards. Sometimes it'd be a walk in the park, other times I'd end up with a heap of news that'd have to write pronto. Tough luck if I had to do family stuff that afternoon or evening. 

So I am feeling relieved that my work will be a bit more consistent.

I have been indifferent the last couple nights. I still don't exercise or meditate or practice mindfulness. I know they will help. I'll keep trying!

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Mom2JTx3

Interesting info about depression post drinking.  I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I quit.  I've gone back on Wellbutrin but the anxiety is difficult to deal with.  I'd like to know when I'm going to get my brain back too.  It's still not firing on all cylinders.

mom2

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Ne1

That's great that you found a benefit out of something that originally felt catastrophic. Also great that it will reduce your stress level. 

I had a friend, years ago, who had a really stressful job. She resigned her position for a couple of months in order to titrate up on baclofen to find indifference. She experienced a lot of SEs, and her job was too high risk for her to continue doing it while titrating up. Anyway, she reached indifference and went up and down for a while. After she started working again, she found that she really couldn't maintain indifference. I have always wondered if it was the nature of her job that was the impediment. I mean, if avoiding stress and anxiety helps to achieve contented sobriety, but someone's job is by definition extremely stressful, then it doesn't seem conducive to contented sobriety. You know? 

All of that is just my personal take on her situation, but I wonder if it's one of the reasons I'm having such a hard time with abstinence this time around. I'm very anxious about getting a job, and avidly avoiding the things I need to be taking care of, which simply increases the anxiety. sigh. 

@Mom2JTx3, I don't remember what the timeframe is for a return to normal. 6 months? A year? Hell, maybe just 6 weeks! You'll have to let us know. Wellbutrin causes me to have anxiety. It has some really unique, and I think particularly beneficial properties, but an increase in anxiety is a definite side effect. Are you seeing a pDoc or a GP? Maybe it's something you can think about and bring up next time you see him/her. 

How're things going, MJM? 

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MJM

Hi all,

I had almost a week of sobriety with indifference... and blew it tonight.

I don't know why. I hate this.

Lots of stuff happening. My wife wants help for her alcoholism. She has the shitstorm of menopause, alcoholism and a stressful job. Fuck. But finally she has recognised the problem.

I am sorry that I am giving no feedback to you guys at the moment. I just have no reserves, so am a self-centred shit.

Edited by MJM
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Lostinspace

MJM - You had almost a week of indifference! Congrats! You didn't blow anything, you simply had an off night. It still seems to me like your drinking is becoming more and more infrequent. The bac is doing just what it should and you're working on changing your habits at the same time. You will get to stable indifference soon enough. Plus, in learning to live sober, it's the number of cumulative days AF that are important, not the consecutive number of days. I'm glad your wife is coming around and also wants help. That would be great to have mutual support for each other on this journey. I wish I could say more, but my husband is nudging me out the door for our trip. Hang in there. You're on the right track :hug:

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Ne1

Hi, MJ. You know that these kind of forums (fora, right?) are give and take. Sometimes you're needy, sometimes you're not. No worries. It sounds like you have enough to worry about, anyway.

I'm relieved and happy for you that your wife has acknowledged the fact that she has alcoholism, too, and is interested in doing something about it! That's a huge improvement, even though it'll take a while until things settle down. I can't remember if she tried bac before. Was that you? I don't think so. Will she try it, do you think? 

How's your car? 

I wish you would stop beating yourself up. It happened. The only thing to do about it is get up the next day, brush your shoulders off, and get to it. Plus, everything that Lostinspace said. And you've had a huge amount of stressors in your life. 

I posted this elsewhere, but will repeat it for you. One of my friends from the other forum took time off of work in order to titrate up on bac and get sober. She had a job where it was too risky to take bac, (and to drink!). When she went back to her extremely stressful job, on top of the kids and being an adult with all of our adult responsibilities, she couldn't sustain it. 

I'm fairly certain that the reason I'm still struggling with craving is because of the level of untamed anxiety I'm experiencing on a regular basis. I need a whip to get that beast under control, and I feel like all I've got are wet noodles. Lame analogy, but you get the point. 

Glad you stopped in. Sharing the burden helps, too. Though I know guys are not apt to do that. HA! Hang in there, MJM. We're rooting for you. 

 

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Molly78
On 7/27/2016 at 2:56 PM, Ne1 said:

Wellbutrin causes me to have anxiety

Wellbutrin is used in the UK as an aid to stop smoking - it's not licensed for anything else here. Some fairly horrendous SE have been described, some suicides attributed to its effect.

Good point, Ne, about a stressful job making it difficult to maintain sobriety. I  think people would do well to bear that in mind & be less hard on themselves about falling off the wagon in such circumstances.

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Nicnak

Mjm

my hubby is also an alcoholic but has only just sought help(mainly due to his court case)

He went to local alcohol services on weds and they basically did a tick box thing and have declared he's not an alcoholic!

They are still putting him through the system but this diagnosis astounds me

Hes was an alcoholic when I met him when I was 21(he's 9 years older)...long before I had a serious problem.I sometimes wonder if my problem would have got so bad if I had never met him but.We have been married 25 years this sept 

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MJM

@Nicnak No she has already tried it. Late last year she started to share my Bac and got as high as 280mg a day. There were two things happening there - I don't think her heart was in it, she seemed to resent having to take the meds. She complained endlessly about the SEs. However, as she started to get into the 200mg-plus range, I'd have to agree that what she was going through with SEs was hell. She was falling asleep in work meetings and had started to faint in the evenings when drunk. She was in the US on a work trip and woke to find herself on the floor in the hotel hallway (after drinking for a few hours). Also immense muscle tension. She also started to cascade into depression too.

She said on maybe one ot two occasions she felt like drinking less. Otherwise it was the regular 1.5 litres of wine a night. I wonder though if she was rigorous with her Bac doses. Whatever. too late now.

I regret her not having a good GP to oversee her Bac use instead of me, but that does not exist here in Sydney. I regret that the only way I knew to reach indifference was to just jeep going up 10mg every three-four days. I wonder if I had got her to hold on for a while or decrease slightly if that might've helped.

So she's been off Bac for five months and won't go near the stuff again. In fact, she's trying to blame her increasing blackouts on the Bac, as they got worse when she was taking it.

Very frustrating to be asked the same question every 10min or so in the evenings, or to be told 'relax, don't do the washing up now' to 10min later 'So, I have to do all the washing up, do I?'

@Lostinspace, @Ne1 , thank-you for your kind words. I'm feeling less angry with myself now, just accepting it's time to move on and get on with it. Didn't drink last night.

I've been walking more this week and even got on the exercise bike a few times. Hopefully that will help.

I have also had to try mindfulness with my daytime Bac doses. I just cannot for the life of me remember sometimes if I've taken the dose or not. So I stop my racing thoughts, focus on where I am and what time it is when I take the Bac - an I taking it with a soft drink, coffee etc.

Unlike before Bac, when I get cravings these days it seems to spring up out of nowhere. Don't know what that's about. But my work is def less stressful so I should be able to concentrate more on exercise etc

 

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Nicnak

Just as a side to your post,I see you live in Sydney.I was born actually born there.My mother was in an orphanage in Ireland and when she was about 5 they shipped the whole orphanage(nuns and all) over to Australia and so my mum grew up there.My dad was English but met her on a 2 year working holiday and they had me and came back to the uk when I was one.

They were hippies and my mum became a drug addict and an alcoholic and the rest as they say is history 

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Mom2JTx3

@MJM I also lost indifference due to stress after being happily indifferent for 3 months.  I titrated up until I found it again. The stress is still there, but so is the indifference.  I started a thread about it if you care to scroll down and look for it. When I'm not on my phone I'll find it and cut and paste.  Just keep going up. I have developed nasty side effects If I drink, so it's easier to abstain.

@Ne1 I agree about Wellbutrin and anxiety. It is worse, but it's the only AD that's ever worked for me.

@MJM there are lots of reasons why we drink.  Im still learning to deal with them and indifference is just the beginning.  Maybe your wife could try naltrexone?  

mom2

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Ne1
On 7/30/2016 at 7:37 PM, MJM said:

Unlike before Bac, when I get cravings these days it seems to spring up out of nowhere. Don't know what that's about. But my work is def less stressful so I should be able to concentrate more on exercise etc

I totally relate to this, MJM. BUT I have figured out some of the 'reasons' I crave alcohol. @Missykc helped me with that. She suggested that I write down the reasons I wanted to drink or drank. At first I was really unclear about it. She suggested that she wrote down things like, "I am really angry with X," or "Today at work..." 

What I realized for myself is that sometimes I have a delayed reaction, too. Something will happen on a Wednesday, and it increases my stress/anxiety/shitty feelings, and I will get really drunk on Thursday or Friday, to avoid continuing to feel that emotion or obsess about the circumstances. (Really drunk for me these days is about 8 beers, rather than double that, and it's much more rare than it was even a month ago.) 

A quickie example: My husband got a ticket this morning on his way to work. He called me up and made all kinds of excuses about it, instead of taking it seriously. I am FURIOUS, but didn't let him know it, and now I've got all kinds of butterflies in my stomach, pounding heart, feeling just generally anxious. I'm going to have to be really proactive about managing that so that I don't get drunk. It's going to be a really unpleasant 'discussion' and I would much rather avoid having it...

Hang in there, my friend. I'm right there with you. 

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MJM

@Ne1 that's a great idea -- I'll give that I go. I drank again on Sunday night. I had to take my daughter's friend home across town, then take my daughter to her dance class. There was a bit of stress going on because she didn't want to be late (got to class just on time) then her name wasn't on the list. We worked that out but at that point I was peaking. If I had more sober time up maybe I would not have been so stressed.

I got to read a book with views right onto the harbour which should've been really relaxing but somehow it wasn't.

Meanwhile my wife took our son to a local music festival/fundraiser that was orgainised by friends/school families. It was still going at 4pm when I was heading back with my daughter, so we went stright there. I realised why my wife was insistant that I should do the dance class etc, because there was a bar there and so she could drink. One of our neighbours (who I can't stand, she's that combo of needy and manipulative) came up to me, drunk, saying that she doesn't see us anymore (thank christ) and she misses us, blah blah.

I really, really, did not want to be there. Then my wife invited friends over for dinner, so we had a total of 9 kids running around. FInally their parents turned up and by then I snapped.

I had realised this time the signs that I was craving, so I earlier took an extra 10mg Bac. Next time I'll take 25mg, and stuff it if I get sleepy.

So I drank until 1am, felt like shit most of yesterday (Monday).

 

@Mom2JTx3 I am going to go up, but am worried about the more difficult side-effects. Still, better than drinking... The stress has gone down with work, but I am still finding it hard to get my mojo back. I wrote two stories last week when I could've written four.

 

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Ne1

Forgot to mention, @Mom2JTx3, that I take Wellbutrin, too. Like I said, it is the only AD with it's particular properties, which is weird. But it's the one that is best for increasing energy, which is why I started it. I have no idea if it does anything, but I'm so wary of changing anything right now, that I'll keep taking it. Everything is generally getting better...

MJ, that sounds particularly atrocious. Your wife drinking, inviting people for dinner, and then NINE KIDS. omg. Sorry. And sorry that you drank, too. Drinking makes everything worse. I wish I could really grasp that fact before I picked up the first one. Or at least the 4th one. 

14 hours ago, MJM said:

 

 I am going to go up, but am worried about the more difficult side-effects. Still, better than drinking... The stress has gone down with work, but I am still finding it hard to get my mojo back. I wrote two stories last week when I could've written four.

But you wrote two, right? Which is better than none. Or one. 

I have been making small steps toward my ultimate goals. Some days I'm so overwhelmed by what I'm not doing that I can't get started or focus if I make myself sit down to try. It's really hard not to focus on the negative. But it doesn't make any sense to do that, when week by week, things are improving. 

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Mom2JTx3

 @MJM I also had terrible side effects, and as I got close to my switch the first time, I was crawling up by 5 mg every 5 to 7 days.  I was breaking my dose up into 5 doses to try and minimize the SEs.  It gets much better once you've been at your switch for awhile.  Hang in there!

mom2

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MJM

I am a mess. I wish I could take time out from life and regroup. 

I had a really productive day, after yesterday's hang-over day (yes, drank on Tuesday night).

And I am drinking again tonight. I took 75mg instead of 50mg at 3pm, hoping that would help stave off the cravings. Am titrating up to 230mg from 220mg per day at the moment.

I am finding my kids really difficult ATM. It's not their fault, it's my inability to cope with stress.

Edited by MJM
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MJM

It has been a bit tough here of late. My wife's depression has hit again. No surprise given my up-and-down behaviour, but also she has a full-on job and we have two tweenagers.

I'm thinking about living with my Dad for a while.

I'd get home at 7.30am to get my kids to school and return after work and stay until 8pm or so to see them to bed. Don't know about weekends.

I have a referral for a psychologist. Need to make that appointment.

Drinking tonight. Titratated up to 230mg, two days now.

Edited by MJM
typos
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MJM

Fifth night AL-free and I feel much better.

Got to a very dark place last Sat night. I've been there before but not for a while.

Posted stupid, drunken stuff on the net. My intentions were noble but the execution was really bad. I deleted the posts, but being on the laptop, brooding, very drunk... not very good.

I'm on 230mg. SEs are lower back ache during the night into the morning and insomnia -- well, I wake every few hours then struggle to get back to sleep. Hopefully they'll settle down.

My work has slowed and that has really helped. I don't feel so stressed there. I have been trying what Ne suggested about thinking about how I feel, and trying to process it.

I notice that I am really crap at mindfulness too. I get to the point often where I am walking or even sitting having a cig and just rattling off the things I need to do in my mind or racing around doing chores in a manic way as if the world will stop if I don't keep to a timeline.

My daughter, age 11, told me to fuck off earlier in the week. That really upset me, esp since I was overseeing a party she'd organised in the park with school friends. After extending the time she could stay twice, I finally said that we really had to go. That's when I got the nasty response. I know it's hormonal, that I shouldn't take it personally. It's just the first time it's happened. I'd better get used to it I suppose.

I have been walking more but still feel that I need more exercise. Lots more.

Rode my motorcycle to a job this morning and that was fun. Worked on my old car for the first time in months yesterday and that was kinda cool too.

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Ne1

Hey, MJM. 

How're things going now? I know you've posted on the Checking In thread, but I haven't made it there yet today. Trying to catch up on all the stuff I missed last week! 

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MJM

Things are going okay. I drank again after my last post, but now have nearly two weeks of no cravings and no drinking. On 240mg of Bac per day.

I had a session with a personal trainer on Thursday, and while it was an assessment I did so some exercises and felt really good after it. 

I then saw my GP yesterday and she gave me some bad news: my cholesterol level is too high and so is my blood pressure. She said I need to stop smoking as a priority and has upgraded my BP meds.

I'm surprised that the BP has gone up so much; when I saw her in May it had gone down to a safe level; I had been sober for a while though... maybe that's the difference? I don't know, but I have been snacking before going to sleep the last week -- it seems to be a weird Bac SE -- it isn't something I've ever done before getting up around the 200mg mark on Bac.

My mood has been pretty good since I stopped drinking, but I spoke to my mad brother yesterday afternoon and afterwards felt depressed. I don't know what is going on with him. 

I came out of it eventually but I was trying to do some work at home and I abandoned that and went to read a novel in bed. I felt the need to escape. Maybe I should've faced the feeling or whatever, but I'm not able to do that now. I had a very vague feeling of wanting to drink but glad I choose burying my nose in a book instead. Then the Bac fatigue hit and I slept for abt 30min.

Went out with my wife a couple nights ago for a date (so no kids) and eventually broached the subject of her drinking. I was really careful how I did it, but not careful enough, it seems. She basically deflected it, saying it was everything and everyone else (not for her drinking so much... it's hard to explain).

I told her that she was forgetting things when drunk -- she had turned on the stove and put an empty frypan on it the night before, when drunk. That I asked her, " what's happening with the frypan?" and she said, "oh it can be washed".

That didn't faze her.

I'm seeing a psychologist next Wednesday and have been on my exercise bike most mornings this wek (for only 10min) so I'm hoping I'm doing enough to shore up my sobriety.

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MJM

I drank last night. I've noticed as my doses have increased when I get really drunk I fall over. Did it twice last night. I never have been a fall-down drunk.

I'm not going to mull over it too much, but I have to figure out the triggers.

It was a beautiful, warm clear day yesterday and I had just spent an hour polishing my old car. Felt good, but then as I was packing the polishing stuff away, I got a craving. This was at about 5.30pm. I also hadn't eaten since breakfast (something that's been happening here and there since I started smoking) so I went and ate some fruit. Still had cravings, so went and got some booze.

I had a date with my wife earlier in the week. I told her how concerned our daughter was about her drinking -- that I was too. She basically deflected it, sayinh our daughter shouldn't be dictating to her parents what we did. While acknowledging AL was a problem, she didn't say she'd do anything about it, and got quite defensive. That's been playing on my mind.

Then I saw my GP on Friday. My BP, which had setled to 130/90 last time I saw her in May, is now 150/95. So she's put me on stronger BP tablets. My cholesterol is also high, at 6.5.

The cholesterol I get because for a few weeks after getting off the booze I notice I get really hungry before bed,. So I'll raid the pantry, eating chips or whatever's there. Also get sugar cravings, so eat heaps of chocolate etc. So curbing that will be a good start.

I see a psychologist on Wednesday, so I think that will really help.

 

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Mom2JTx3

@MJM. Once I hit indifference, it was almost like that was just step one.  I then had to deal with other things like why I drank.  I was also depressed.  My mind still wasn't firing on all cylinders.  I experienced the hunger and sweets cravings.  Things are certainly Improving, but it took me by surprise that just quitting or reducing the AL didn't solve all my problems.  I used alcohol for lots of reasons.  As a crutch and a reward and an escape and I needed to work through all that and change  my thinking.  Identifying your triggers is a great idea.  Good luck :)

 

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Ne1

Hi, MJ. Thanks for keeping us up to date on what's going on. Bummer about the conversations with your wife. Brought me back to a time in my life when I was sitting in a boss' office and he asked me if drinking was part of the problem. And I said, "Oh yes! Ed's drinking is out of control, and this manager and that manager and it's so hard to get anything done when they're always so messed up." The worst of it? I think the reason he asked to see me is because I'd been drinking tequila the night before and smelled like booze. I wanted to go home sick, and he was like, "Sure, but stop by my office first." It was later that day that someone told me I still smelled like liquor from the night before. It's hard to get through to someone when they're in obvious denial. But when I quit drinking in 2011, Ed didn't want to. It took him a couple of months to change his mind, and when he did it was because I was so happy. 

Even now I know there isn't anything I can do about his drinking. I can only do something about my own. And I try to remember what my therapists repeats to me regularly: My feelings are mine and his feelings are his. I can change things to be more comfortable and content, just by changing what I'm doing. Nothing worse than trying to fix dinner with someone who is drunk. Better to do it myself. It's hard to do, and frankly, not completely true, but it does remind me that I don't have to be angry. 

My smoking increased as I quit drinking. I don't know if it's a bac side effect so much as an AF SE. Have you ever been to the AA meetings before they went smoke free? Holy moly. It was like a burning fire in those rooms, with all the smoke haze. Bummer about your physical, though. Smoking IS actually more dangerous for the body than even booze. Very annoying, that. 

Hope you're filling your time with more work on your cars. That's a great hobby! I wish I had one...I'd love to be a baseball fan, actually. Most of my family, and Ed's are hugely into baseball. But the last professional game we went to, box seats and everything, we left in the 4th inning. Our team was getting creamed and baseball takes sooooo long for things to happen. 

Hope you've been well and sober for the last week! 

 

 

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