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Felina

Checking in - February 2018

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Felina

A long-overdue February checking in thread! I apologize for my absence around here. I've been busy living and working and traveling. It's been too long since I've been very active around these parts and I apologize.

What's new for everyone this month?

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Mom2JTx3

Hello all. How is everyone?  @Jetsman32, I’m so happy to hear the your taper is going well and you have no urge to drink.  I think that abstaining all togetherr gives us the best possible chance of beating this for good.

i have tapered successfully from 310mg to 120mg. I now take only what my doctor will prescribe so no supplementing from other sources anymore! :)  I have noticed a minor craving once or twice so am sitting at this level for awhile. I would like to get off completely though. My new role at work is extremely challenging and I think my brain off of Baclofen is better than my brain on it.  OR maybe I’m just older now and don’t have the brain power that I use to!

I hope everyone has a good week.  I’m traveling out west where it’s warm and sunny so am looking forward to getting away from this snow.

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StuckinLA

Hello all. Hope we're doing well. Not much new here, just working and hanging with the girl. Went out to a couple nice dinners for Valentine's day, or week, or whatever. Actually quite a few sit-down dinners lately. Man, that's getting expensive. 

Pretty light week coming up, two of my three classes are pretty much on autopilot between now and spring break. So trying to use the extra time productively. We shall see how that goes :D 

It's awesome that you're down to just your prescription, @Mom2JTx3.

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Molly78

I am now starting to taper down from 200 mg.  The caffeine problem postponed this for a while - constantly feeling jittery made tapering down difficult.  Have started again last week, going down 10 mg a week - tomorrow down to 180 mg.

I want to be lime @Mom2JTx3 & exist on my script from GP, which is only 60 mg at the moment.  Might have a go at getting it put up again - I think max recommended dose for adults in UK is 100 mg.  GP thinks they are prescribing for muscle spasm in the back.

On a different topic - anyone heard from @Ne1 recently?

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StuckinLA

I have not heard from @Ne1, sadly. She hasn't logged on in like 2 months. I sent her a text message last night, but she hasn't responded - not sure I have a current phone number for her, actually. 

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MJM

Hi all, just a quick hello. I’m still sober at 150mg p/day, only have had cravings once since my last drink nearly 2 months ago. I am less prone to depression this time around - I think - because I am exercising. I’m not super organised or regimented about it, but if 3-4 days go by and I haven’t been on the exercise bike I really feel it. 

Another benefit of exercise is not just staving off depression but actually feeling that pit of the stomach excitement or well being occasionally. 

I started to knuckle down and get organised with work about 3 weeks ago and I am starting to really feel really tired from it. I don’t think I have worked as hard for a long time and I’m recognising now that I need to back off a bit. I’m trying to do too much too soon. Any way, this week I can stay at home mostly writing up the stuff I have been doing out on the road the last few weeks, so that will be easier on my worn out brain and body.

 I tried going for a jog this morning and it really emphasised how much my smoking is affecting my fitness. I am starting to think about giving up again. I’m noticing too just how much time I waste smoking, especially on those days where I have been flat-out. I popped a nicotine lozenge a few times to deal with the cravings rather than pull up on the side of the road to have a puff.

 I too have been wondering about Ne. I hope that she’s okay.

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Nicnak

Hi everyone

well after saying I was done with baclofen after failing to reach indifference and constipation I have tried it again because without it I was drinking 1-2 bottles of wine a day.

Ive reached almost indifference at 150mg a day.I say almost because I still have vague thoughts of alcohol but have not felt like I needed a drink since Saturday.

Ive been like this before in a way that I’ve wanted a drink but couldn’t drink more than a glass but thought I had to go back to zero and start again because I’ve had true indifference and wanted that again,but I’m very happy with this state of mind now.

still got major constipation and can only go with strong constipation relief but I will persevere.I think I have what is called anismus.

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Molly78

@Nicnak I am so pleased for you! wanting an occasional glass of wine is how normal people feel. Welcome back to the human race from the depths of alcoholism.

I still have an occasional drink, but rarely more than one.  Now titrating down, at 170  mg this week.

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MJM

Well after exactly 2 months I drank again. Argued with my wife and embarrassed my kids. It is so bloody frustrating. This is a pattern I have repeated again and again over the last two years. I go for a maximum 2 months - with very few if any moments of cravings - then suddenly cravings return and I drink again. It is so hard when my wife drinks so much, but I need to somehow be strong and not drink. My kids need me, I need me - not the drunken me.

Depression always seems to be the motivator (ha). I get so down that I start to think about drinking as the only escape from my negative feelings. The afternoon that I drank I even jumped on the exercise bike to try to ward off the cravings (or boost my mood) and that didn't work. I already do at least 3-4 sessions of 30min a week on the bike, maybe that's not enough.

I know I have been pushing myself with work and have been tired as a result. I also saw the signs of depression coming back - irritable, angry, negative thoughts etc.

I don't know what else to do. Join AA? Try another anti-depressant? Change my Bac doseage or when I take it, maybe take 25mg mid-afternoon? Something has to change, I can't keep this pattern going. I want to be sober, and above all, happy about about it (or at least not so unhappy that I drink again).

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StuckinLA

That's a bummer, @MJM. About the negative feelings, and of course your wife's drinking. That's really tough. But 2 months at a stretch is not nothing. 

In my own experience, I was always real proud of any sober time when I was still in the cycle of drink, get sober for a minute, drink again, repeat. Now that I've been AF for a while, looking back things appear more complicated but still any day without a drink counts. Wish I could say the negative feelings, the irritability and anger, go away or at least fade, but I've just found more or different things to be angry and irritable about. Just kind of a low-grade burn seems to be my default approach to the world. 

Then again, given the way things are going that might be the rational response. Hope things even out for you. Great job with the exercise, though.

Looks like we could use a March thread here soon. Have a good one, everybody.

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Molly78

I agree with Stuck - 2 months is a fair stretch.  Think about it - if you had never been an alcoholic, you could be anyone with a stressful job & a tendency to get low in mood, who hits the bottle now & again when things get on top of him.  Lots of people live this way & consider themselves to be doing pretty well, thank you.  Alcohol has become a demon to you because of your past history.

I do understand the problem of having both parents drinking & arguing though - but then again this probably happens sometimes in many families who wouldn't consider themselves particularly dysfunctional.

Sometimes I think we ex-alkies are perfectionists when it comes to the life we think we should be living, instead of allowing ourselves to live like the rest of the population do

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