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Felina

Checking In - May 2018

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Felina

I'm starting the Checking In post a day early! We need some fresh posts here, people! Seems the site was down for a few days, but it's back up and running. Let's breathe some fresh air into this place.

Please let us know what's up with you, questions, concerns, general rants and/or anything else you feel like blabbering about.

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StuckinLA

Happy May Day everyone, workers of the world unite! I second @Felina, let's get a breath of fresh air back into this place (while it's still up?). My concern, obviously, is the state of the site and my growing worry over @Ne1. Haven't heard from her in quite a while, even when reaching out via 3D channels. @Moderator1 and @Moderator2 any news you could share on any fronts, anything, would be appreciated.

As for rants and blabbering, that's usually my forte. These days, not much going on. Sober coming up on 17 months, and it's also coming up on summer which means job insecurity all over again. Been writing, though.

Teaching this past year has been amazing, honestly, and some of the best students I've ever had. This has been a real treat, and unfortunately one that doesn't come around that often. Hope ya'll are doing well out there. 

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Nicnak

Hi all

well I’m putting my all into TSM now,into week 2 and am going to stick with it although I know it can take a long time

Baclofen was great but I’m very unlucky with the constipation side of it

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MJM

Hi everyone, good to see some activity around here! Mind you, I haven't exactly been helping. Hope Ne is okay, it's been a while since she's posted anything here...

Great news Stuck, on the 17 months! Congratuations! It seems like that's gone quickly (to me anyway).

I have broken my regular 2-month cycle of drinking it seems (just!). I was due to drink (well, it was beginning to seem that way) on April 28. I have not played with my Bac dose; still 150mg a day and I plan to keep it that way for another year or two, maybe longer. Reducing the dose way too early caused me so much grief.

I have been exercising and am still slowly losing weight. I try to get in 3-4 sessions of 30min per week on my exercise bike. It also helps lift my mood a bit, which has been bumping along at what seems a bit less than happy most of the time. Still don't get a thrill out of what usually does, like working on my old car. My writing is shocking too. I was looking for some info and pulled up an old story I wrote a few years ago and couldn't believe I actually wrote it. Much of what I write now is dry, turgid bullshit, and it takes me forever to squeek it out. Like pulling teeth. I was going to say how depressing it all is :) , but I think you already got that. 

I've just started taking Zyban, which is partly to get me off cigarettes but to also treat my depression. Two people in my family take it for depression to good effect so there's a good chance it will work for me too. Here's hoping.

The main thing is that Baclofen has turned my life around. There are still problems with depression but I feel like I'm slowly working it out.

I'll try to be more active here, it really is important to keep this site fresh.

Edited by MJM
typos, so many typos
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Otter

I was wondering what happened to the forum.  Nice to see it back up.

All quiet here.  Well, not really.  

My wife is fine. Taking her combo of bac and campral morning and night. I'd say she's about 98% back to normal.  I think about this a lot.  Back in the day, say 10 years ago, I figured this illness would kill her and I was desperate to find something which would make even a ten percent difference.  Instead it just got worse.  I don't even like to think about it.

We're setting ourselves up in a business venture in the UK because we can't work here and my wife is doing all the running getting it set up.  I'm freaking out and she's cool as a cucumber.  We fell out on Monday and she said she felt like getting a drink but didn't. I had to go for a drive.  I felt she was moving too fast but she kept saying she had no worries and would make it work.  What a reversal of roles.  I'm the nervous wreck.  She gives me some bac to help me with the stress.   lol.

I was told that the French lawsuit was in court on 2 May, but I have heard nothing and there's nothing on the French site about it.  I'll keep checking. This was supposed to be about reversing the decision to reduce the dose limit of bac to eighty mg a day, before hearings this summer.

I started tweeting about this because I figured this forum was shut down and my Tweets got through to the people taking the case to court and they wrote to me.

I think this French situation may be caused by drug companies wanting to suppress prescription of generic baclofen.   Xenoport are now moving forward with trials of Gabapentin Encarbil for alcoholism, supported by the NIH and Invidior, the makers of Nurophen, etc., are still working on Arbaclofen Placarbil and they have a history of suppressing generics and were prosecuted by the FDA over Subudone.  They raised health concerns about generics to protect their own product and ensured continued profits of $2 billion a year while their safety concerns were investigated, before the FDA found them to be unfounded.

What a mess this all is. I hope it all resolves itself successfully and soon.  It would be nice to move on...

 

Anyway, it's heating up here, no rain for ages.  

 

Edited by Otter
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Mom2JTx3

Hello everyone!  Good to hear from people. @Felina, thank you for starting this thread :) 

@StuckinLA, 1000 congratulations! 🎈🎉🎊.  I’m so proud of you.  Glad to hear that classes were rewarding.  Have you thought about posting some of that writing for us to read?  What is the subject matter?

@Nicnak good luck with TSM.  I often wish I had tried that first since you only take medication when you’re drinking.  Let us know how it goes.

@MJM  Thanks for posting. I feel the same way that Baclofen has changed my life.  Fingers crossed for you that the Zyban helps lift your mood.  

@Otter  Thank you for keeping us up to date and for fighting the good fight.  I definitely believe that  Big Pharma is behind the suppression of baclofen usage to the detriment of alcoholics everywhere. It’s really a crime. 

As for me, i’ve titrated down from 310 mg of baclofen to 60. I’ve tried to go below 60, but the anxiety kicks in so I haven’t been able to. Maybe someday. I don’t drink at all now because I can’t. I get severe DTs, even after one drink. I think it’s a blessing in disguise because it removes all temptation knowing I’d end up in the hospital.

Have a good week everyone!

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StuckinLA

Thank you, everyone. In a lot of ways it does seem like the time has gone quickly.

Feels like we're wandering a bit in the wilderness here on this site these days, but it sure is great to see you all. @Mom2JTx3, I'm glad you're doing well! And can't tell quite how you feel about it, but 60 is a pretty low dose and that's great! Yes, maybe some day lower or none would be better but for now, keep on keepin on.

Your exercise routine makes me envious, @MJM

And I'll second the thanks to @Otter. If I even start thinking/talking about Big Pharma I'll have an aneurysm.

Have a good one, all!

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Molly78

Hi everyone.  I haven't posted for a while, good to catch up with all of you above.

I am down to 80 mg bac from 200 mg, don't feel any different - I have the odd drink but it's habit really, it doesn't produce any positive feelings & if I push it & have another one I just feel dopy & demotivated.  So something in my brain has changed, maybe permanently?  Not  sure whether to go down any further at the moment as some lifestyle changes are happening - I have retired from work.  Although I was only paid to work 2 days a week I actually worked 3 days most weeks.  Even so, it's amazing how much mental energy work demanded of me & I feel a real sense of relief when I wake up in the morning.

I have signed  up for yoga & pilates at the gym & like @MJMI am trying to do 30 mins on the exercise bike 4 times a week. I think bac has weakened my core muscles & I really need to work on them to stop my back problem progressing.  Maybe too little too late but the sense of achievement is nice.

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StuckinLA

Congrats on your retirement, @Molly78. Enjoy your time at the gym and yoga, and so happy to hear you feel relieved in the mornings - must be such a wonderful switch from the grind of work!

No news here, will let y'all know if I find a job.

And happy Mothers' Day to all the moms and those with moms and basically just everyone :D 

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Jetsman32

Hi all. Glad to see the site is back up and running but sorry to hear that nobody has heard from NE1. Hopefully she is ok. @StuckinLA congratulations! 17 months is a BIG deal. Things here are going well. I'm down from 310 per day to 30. Great work Molly on your taper as well.  For some reason though, I am not having alcohol cravings even with the very low dose. I'm not complaining at all but am praying that this will continue! Still trying to adjust to the changes at home. In December I started a full time job working from home for a company in Boston. At times I love it and other times I feel depressed and lonely. However, it has been positive because my wife is really starting to kick her career into high gear. Up until a year ago she had been a stay at home mom. She is now a retail manager  and really enjoys it. It works out well that I work from home because my wife often has to close at night- usually 2-3 times per week. It's funny because we've totally switched roles. I'm now the one driving our daughters to school, brushing hair and doing the majority of the housework. Although I do get lonely at home during the day, this job has truly been a blessing. Major focus of mine right now is to try to make myself a better person and get rid of bad habits, behaviors and thought patterns. I'm doing this because I want to get the negativity out of my life and also  to help with my anxiety which is typically at it's worst when I wake up in the morning. Last weekend I picked up the book Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. Really enjoying it so far.  On another note, very proud of my son who turns 17 next month. He goes to a private residential STEM high school and every summer juniors that are becoming seniors are required to do a 6 week research project by working onsite with professionals. My son hit the jackpot and was selected to go to Germany to do cancer research. He want's to be a doctor so this is an amazing opportunity for him. He has also been in touch with the host family he will be living with and they have weekend trips all planned out including going to Paris (and others) and visiting castles.  Anyway- glad to see the site is back, it had me worried for awhile. Hope everyone has a great rest of May- I can't believe we are almost at the halfway point of the year. Where does the time go?!

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StuckinLA

Hi @Jetsman32. Working from home sounds pretty good. And congratulations to your son, that's awesome! What an adventure and exciting opportunity.

Not much new here. Been trying to work as much as I can on things, and trying to find jobs, while finishing up the last couple weeks of the current class I'm teaching. Things are ok, not great but ok. Will be much better when the employment situation resolves itself.

Not sure how many more years I'm going to put myself through this before trying for a career change.

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MJM

Hello all,

It's good to see a bit more going on around here.

Great to hear @Molly78 and @Jetsman32 that you've both successfully titrated down so much on Bac but do not have cravings. Gives me hope, although I'm not changing my dose for a long while yet. And @Jetsman32 I am in a similar situation as you - role reversal with my wife and I work from home (although I have done that for 13 years now). Working from home is great in many ways but yes it can be hard when you don't see anyone all day.

I stopped smoking two weeks ago, using Zyban. It is a wierd drug - it made the cigs seem like nothing - no effect and while it gives me energy - I wake up at 5am most days and go and start working - it also has ramped up my anxiety.

That is interesting, because I always wondered if I had plain old depression or anxiety too. I definitely have anxiety, because the Zyban brings that out in me. It has reminded me of several periods in my life where I was incredibly anxious, worried about all sorts of things. The sense of impending doom, the ruminating about poor decisions I've made in my life... wow, it's really not good.

I was going to try and hang in there to see if the anti-depressent effect that Zyban is supposed to have would kick in. It can take several weeks to work, apparently. I can't wait any longer, as the anxiety is too hard to live with. Oh well, at least it got me off the cigs.

Bac is still doing a great job, nearly 3 months off AL now. I was thinking about that; it's not like I've made a concious decision not to drink, it's just on Bac I have no interest in AL. It's got the same appeal as pouring a glass of olive oil and drinking that. I just can't see the point.

I've been exercising most days, putting jogging into the mix. I have seemed to have plateaued though - I haven't lost any weight for over a week, despite cycling like mad on the exercise bike for 30min a day, every day (except when I go for a jog).

My mood is not great, but it's affected by the Zyban obviously. I'm hoping that when I'm off the Zyban that not only the anxiety leaves but that I feel a bit more positive about things generally.

My wife is taking Naltrexone and that so far is working for her. She drinks far less. Most things in my life are beginning to look up when I think about it.

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Molly78
On 5/22/2018 at 9:50 AM, MJM said:

, the ruminating about poor decisions I've made in my life..

I can identify with that - something I do a lot when feeling anxious & it quickly spirals down into low mood. Bac has helped a lot with that in the past, but right now I have a lot to feel anxious & regretful about. I am mother of 3 sons & have 7 grandchildren between the 3 of them who I generally see a lot of.  Sadly 2 of my sons are now going through divorces, this means I will lose all contact with the 1 year old (long story involving son's abuse of alcohol, & where did he get that from I ask myself) & communications with the other DIL have not been friendly recently due to her despicable treatment of my son (not just my opinion, her own family judge her very harshly on this). So I might get to see his 4 children when he has contact. If that works out. If I'm lucky.  Only 2 grandchildren left, hoping I don't lose those as well.

This sad story will not resonate with most of you on here as you are all too young to have grandchildren.  But I warn you, if you are the parent of sons, your links to the next generation are precarious at best!

Interestingly, when I got the news yesterday that the 2nd divorce was underway, i decided to drown my sorrows - default decision before baclofen.  I managed 2 large vodka tonics - about 4 units - before I just sort of lost interest. No real effect.  A bit sleepy. Headache next morning. But just in case I have gone back up to 100 mg, hoping it will help with the stress/anxiety I have at the moment. One son is moving back to live with me for a few weeks which is causing its own stress, being used to  living alone for many years. Trying not to be selfish about helping him through a difficult time.

OK end of the moaning! On the bright side, weather in UK is magnificent, endless sunshine this week, everywhere looks stunning with blossom & flowers coming up all over the place. Long may it last.

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StuckinLA

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me,

Happy Birthday to Stu-uuuuck

 

Well, this is the first time I've gone birthday-to-birthday without a drink (gonna be 18 months in 2 weeks or so). Anyway, just thought I'd mention it, 'cause it feels weird. My entire 38th year on this g*dforsaken rock, dry.

Yesterday was nice, went to see Deadpool 2 and then out for vegan ramen with the girl. She had things going on today, so I spent my birthday chillin' by myself and grading student papers. Used some money my folks sent to buy new towels for the bathroom - I am VERY excited about this. And while I've been knocked down with a cold this past week, I'm finally getting back around to the realm of the living. A lingering cough, not helped by smoking, but otherwise feeling much better.

That's about it, just thought I'd update.

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Nicnak

Hi stuck

A very well done,you must be sooo proud of yourself and I’m very jeslous

will post about my upcoming birthday in checking in 

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Nicnak

Oops,just realised this is checking in lol

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Nicnak

Next month I turn 50 and still drinking but into my 5th week in naltrexone.No reduction in drinking but I belong to a naltrexone Facebook page and people’s stories give me hope 

Im going to be 50 and still fat.Lost 3.5 stone while in baclofen and indifferent in 5 months year before last but have put back in 1.5 and now 11 stone and feel very yuck!

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StuckinLA

Hi @Nicnak, I sure hope the nal begins to work for you! Proud of you for sticking with it. Hugs and hugs!

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Mom2JTx3

Happy belated birthday @StuckinLA!!  Mine is coming up on the 30th.  I’m older than both you and @Nicnak so we’ll leave it at that, shall we?   B|

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StuckinLA

Happy early birthday, @Mom2JTx3! :cake and candles emoji: 

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phoenix

Keep going NicNak, are you tracking your drinks?

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Nicnak
7 hours ago, phoenix said:

Keep going NicNak, are you tracking your drinks?

I started to then stopped as couldn’t keep track as hubby kept nicking my wine!

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phoenix
18 hours ago, Nicnak said:

I started to then stopped as couldn’t keep track as hubby kept nicking my wine!

It's often only by tracking that progress is noticed. 

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Nicnak

What I didn’t say is that I’m also titrating up on baclofen to try them together.

Im on 130mg if baclofen and I was driving my son somewhere and I gad an episode of falling asleep and hit someone.There was no damage but I was lucky even the though the bloke was being a bit of a dick but it has scared me a lot and titrate down a bit.I do wonder if it’s all worth it what with the severe constipation I get 

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phoenix

I was a zombie on Baclofen and definitely wouldn't advise myself to drive whilst on it - although I did drive. 

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Nicnak

It’s just that I got to indifference in 16 days last time and it was instant.But naltrexone is the one I’m sticking with no matter what.Hubby is going to Spain next week and wondering if he’s ok bringing it back because it can be bought over the counter there

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StuckinLA

sh*te, @Nicnak sorry to hear about your fender-bender! That's scary, glad you are all ok!

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