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The End of my Addiction

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  1. My name is TerryK and I'm no longer an alcoholic. I've been on high-dose baclofen for more than six years, and indifferent to alcohol for more than five. There is so much distance between who I am now, and the person I used to be, who *needed* to drink every.single.day to fall asleep, to quell anxiety, to lift depression, or to celebrate that it's hard to find new words to describe what that past was like - so I'm just going to borrow pieces from updates that I've written over the years on MWO and let them live here from now on (edited, and hopefully a bit more concise). 25 years ago -
    12 points
  2. Some of you may remember me from the meds forum at MWO. For those of you that don’t, I was active on that forum from 2010 to about 2012. Using baclofen, I was quickly able to go from crippling alcoholism to complete indifference In a very short period of time. My highest dose, and the one at which I reached indifference, was 3.9 mgs. /kg of bodyweight. Thanks to baclofen and the friends that I made at the old forum I was able to maintain indifference at 2.5mgs/kg for 2 years, during which time my life improved dramatically. I felt that the forum really started to go downhill, thanks to several
    11 points
  3. My decline into alcoholism didn’t happen slowly. I took to alcohol like a fish to water because of its perfect anxiety-relieving properties. Drinking was the only time I ever really felt OK in my own skin. I began drinking alcoholically when I was 16, drinking almost every night to oblivion just to relieve the anxiety, depression, and insomnia I was going through at the time. It was a dark time in my life. I dropped out of high school. I just didn’t care about anything. Following a personal tragedy when I was 19 going on 20, I started drinking all day, every day, making sure to dull my conscio
    9 points
  4. Good morning, everybody. Suppose I haven't updated or really checked in in a while. So I'm done with holiday travel, home and then the conference. A little sniffly from being out in the cold a lot, and a tad bit jetlagged, but otherwise doing fine. Classes started yesterday and went fine - though none of the little bastards had the textbook. (Ugh, who shows up to the first day of class without the books? 70 students at my school, apparently.) Philadelphia was ok - the conference/convention. I went to a bunch of panel discussions, some were interesting and some were really terrible and stu
    9 points
  5. Hello everybody! Sorry for the long absence. I went to treatment for 23 days. Got back a few days ago. I couldn't fight the demons anymore, and definitely couldn't stop drinking on my own. It was good. Intense. Emotional. Very, very busy. Bottom line is that I've got 30 days as of this morning, for which I'm really grateful. I was in a professionals program with doctors and nurses and other non-medico professionals. (The disease definitely does not discriminate.) Three Substance Abuse Counselors! One of whom, an MD, owns and runs his own program. Turns out he was using and addicted
    8 points
  6. The conference in Paris went well. We took the train in from the airport and when we got off at our stop and came up onto the road, the hotel was in front of us. Very cute little place called the Observatoire Luxembourg: https://www.google.com.cy/search?q=hotel+observatoire+luxembourg&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj2kKXiv5LQAhVGF8AKHYD5BbwQ_AUICCgB&biw=1440&bih=805 The lecture theatre was a few blocks away. We spent the first day walking around the Jardins du Luxembourg. https://www.google.com.cy/search?q=jardins+du+luxembourg&source=lnms&tbm=i
    8 points
  7. Check this out https://www.thefix.com/baclofen-alcoholics Also, can someone tell me how to make the topic heading bold? Thanks.
    8 points
  8. I'm 65 years old and I have had a drinking problem since I was in my mid to late 20s. I'm an only child in a family that moved around a lot when I was a kid. I went to 14 schools in all and ended up shy and socially awkward, always keeping myself a bit aloof from others. I never made friends easily. In my college years I smoked a lot of dope. I was away from home – my parents still living abroad and I developed what I now believe to be cannabis induced psychosis. My life was disorganised, I had no life skills and it all went to pieces. It was relatively mild as the condition go
    8 points
  9. Hi all, I originally wrote my story on mywayout.org, which was instrumental in assisting me. The "being part of something" that the forum at the time invoked was massive (and Ne must take credit for that as well), unfortunately it's gone now, but hopefully will be replaced by this forum. I think it's extremely helpful to have a system in place when you do something like this. Particularly, I found that because baclofen is such a weird experience, it really feels like something that, let alone a doctor, but a team of people, should be around you whilst you're going through. Having t
    8 points
  10. Well it's official, 8 months today. Longest I have ever been AF since I first began drinking regularly. Doesn't feel like much of anything, really, but I sure wouldn't mind celebrating with a shot and a beer.
    7 points
  11. Wanted to separate that last post from an update about me. August check in. Wow, where did the summer go, huh? Well, next week will be 8 months AF and I am no longer smoking pot at all since before the Spain trip, so that would be the first week of July. Still out of a job, which blows. Have a lead on a single class at the school here where I did my PhD. That won't be a lot of money, but it would be something to build around and I am hoping to get an email back confirming an interview/conversation this week. I also have taken all the steps to become a Lyft driver. You read that right. So
    7 points
  12. I'm pretty sure it's the opposite, Molly. 5-HTP is the precursor to L-tryptophan. Definitely don't want to take those two together! All well here. Or as well as it can be at the moment, I guess. I'm still in a funk. Still not focused on the exam, much less studying to pass it, which is extremely stressful. But I like the job, and more than that, I like going to the job. Getting dressed, getting out, talking to other people. (Who knew? ) (That said, I'm pretty clear, or rather it reinforces, that I just don't like a lot of people. I mean, I don't dislike them. I just don't...like them. And
    7 points
  13. Morning Kuya and Happy New Year everyone Last night was a strange one - My first Christmas period I can remember when I have not been properly bolloxed for the whole period - The really strange part is that I did not miss alcohol - At all! - I just watched the others getting louder and louder, repeating themselves consistently and generally showing the tell tail signs of being drunk* New Years day is also The Pianna's birthday so we normally get properly wasted, New Years Eve - We stayed at home and she drunk (sp) a little - I still maintain embellishing yourself in a "safe" environm
    7 points
  14. I was so excited to start a new thread, a new written chapter for the new metaphorical chapter of new sobriety. Sunshine! Rainbows! Unicorns! Yesterday my alarm went off at 7:30am to remind me it was time to leave for my national certification exam. The exam was at 8. I still can't believe I forgot to reschedule it. I was in the middle of composing a post here, but I decided to just take the damn thing. Replaced my pajamas with some almost as cozy, but socially acceptable clothes, wash face, baseball cap, and out the door. Hit rush hour traffic and still made it there at 8:03. (Tim
    7 points
  15. I'm back. After leaving MWO last September I'm pleased to say that I've not come back because things have gotten worse. In many regards, things have improved and I'm ahead now of where I thought I would be then. The reason that I've come back is that the things I care most about- creating a sense of closeness with others, creating something to leave behind, getting a sense of self respect- have gone absolutely nowhere. They've gone nowhere because they are the things above all else that I fear the most, and alcohol is the first place I turn to avoid them. This past weekend's wakeup
    7 points
  16. Greetings! Just a quick drop in. Will post more later. Stuck -- First, there is a documentary I saw recently called "love the nature". It looks like it's screening later in June in Orange County. Here's the website http://www.lovethynature.com/screening. Check it out and please take your girlfriend. You may decide it's bullshit, but it will at least keep her from killing herself over the environment. It is a tad bit hopeful on the environment, and while it might be a stitch, it is interesting and science-based while also spiritual and holistic. The trip was awesome. Very healing for
    7 points
  17. Before I drank at 16, I was an anxious person. Not like it was always there, or obvious to others when it was. I was like the duck in the pond; I may have looked calm but underneath I was paddling hard. I remember clearly at age 14 or so being at a school disco and too frightened to ask a girl to dance. I ending up going for a walk and crying, asking God why was I so scared, and how I felt so useless. It was a common theme, the feeling less capable and confident than most, and often fearful of doing things lest I look like a fool. Perhaps this is typical teenage angst, but I remember havi
    7 points
  18. December 8, 2017. It's official, one year sober. Feels like something that should be celebrated at a bar.
    6 points
  19. Well, 10 months AF today. I'm conflicted about celebrating or even marking milestones, there always feels like an implied "great now don't f*ck it up." Anyway, did want to mark it here regardless, I guess. Hope it's a good one out there, everyone.
    6 points
  20. Welcome, RedMaple. I'm a CDN too. Ne, I am so sorry what you are dealing with. I haven't been around lately so I still have to read back. You deserve and need a different environment from the one with Ed. I hope OH works out. I stopped watching TV in December and it is so peaceful and quiet. I saw tv at the hospital and I got pissed off with the stupid commercials written for those with low IQ's. I also have a lot more time in my day. Although people who work and just want to watch something mindless, it serves a purpose. Forgive me if I am repeating myself. But I
    6 points
  21. The group of college friends with whom I usually travel planned the trip - it had been in the works for nearly a year. One guy wanted to go to Pamplona for San Fermin (again) and run with the bulls (again). I ran in 2009, because I was drunk and didn't have a chance to think about how stupid it was, and the morning I ran was the last time a person died during the run. Happened not far from me but I didn't see it. Anyway, we went to Barcelona and a very quick (too quick) stop in Madrid and then Pamplona for too many days. But we also took a quick day trip from there to San Sebastian, which was
    6 points
  22. Quick flyby at 2:30am here, just now back from Spain. Tired, jetlagged, looking forward to a couple days of lounging around to decompress.
    6 points
  23. I wanted to follow up on this. i have just completed a 27 day stretch of sobriety from cocaine while still being able to drink. This has been and remains my goal. I accomplished this through the use of the Sinclair Method with naltrxerone and modafinil. Last night was the first time I used and unfortunately I believe it was because I did not wait the full hour before drinking. That being said, 27 days is nothing short of miraculous for me. I haven't had that in 13+ years and haven't felt this good about life in a long time with such a positive outlook on the future and hope for full self-
    6 points
  24. @Ne1 and @MJM -- I've found myself being quite negative, lately. A friend asked me, "where would you go if you could take a vacation." I replied that I simply don't know -- that I don't even see the point in taking a vacation. Nothing interests me... and it all just sounds like a real pain in the @ss. I've been to fourteen (?) countries and love foreign language... so, well, this is a sign that something's amiss. I suspect that it's lack of exercise. I'm simply very dependent on that trauma for my body chemistry to be "right." I've just managed to get myself into a funk. I know what I need to
    6 points
  25. Morning! I haven't even finished my first cup of coffee yet, but I woke up thinking about this. And realized that my own insecurity often overrides my rationality and well, there's no way that nal pops a positive for opiates. That's based on my practical experience. I just got out of a rehab, remember? The program I was in was specifically for licensed professionals (docs and nurses) and government officials with significant security clearance. It's one of the few in the country approved specifically for the groups of people who will be on long-term monitoring or have careers that are dependen
    6 points
  26. Morning from Virginia! I just realized that I've never seen Trainspotting. Will put it on the list of things to watch. Didn't see Logan last night. The movie was sold out for both the 5:30 and 6pm shows. Damn internet ticket sales!!! Very annoying. We would have gone to a later show, but Ed played poker with the boys (and I guess some women, too) last night. I had a quiet night in, thinking about drinking and obviously not doing it. I picked up a 30-day chip yesterday, a day early I realized. (And yes, I'm going to AA meetings, which I love, despite my firm belief that AA is not treatment
    6 points
  27. Hey everyone, Still going strong here, "when it rains it pours" is apt for this past month (February); so many health issues of all sorts and sizes, mine and others' being addressed, as well dating, drinking to relax/cope, Dexing (using Dextromethorphan or DXM) to stay happy/cope, or should I say drinking as a crutch and Dexing as a crutch. My mom has chronic pain from compressed discs in her back, she had surgery scheduled, but an insurance problem came up at the last minute, and while the surgeon was explaining his solution he became verbally hostile. So she cancelled the surgery,
    6 points
  28. There seem to be 2 threads labelled "Checking in February for some reason? Anyway, I will post on this one! Today I have had a good day. A non-working day so went to the gym for my pilates class at 9.15 am. I work from a DVD several times a week, but it's good to go to a class as well. After the class I went into the gym for a workout. As usual, my session on the rowing machine & treadmill induced nothing but boredom, especially as the TV on the treadmill had no subtitles - what's the point of "Homes under the Hammer" with no narrative? I also used the various machines for
    6 points
  29. Well, I have some news to share It's hard to believe it's been over six years since I hit my switch on baclofen. Also, to those of us who are "old school" baclofen users: looking back, isn't it especially amazing that at one period of time, anyone who needed baclofen could call a doctor in Chicago who would prescribe baclofen over the phone to anyone in the U.S.? Those were some amazing times. I wish it was that easy to get a prescription for baclofen these days. After Dr. Levin quit prescribing, I bought liquid bac from dear lo0p until he passed away, then I started flying to Chic
    6 points
  30. Now that I think of it, there probably will never be a good study or source showing DXM's suitability for alcohol overuse. In my long-winded explanations I've mentioned that DXM is actually two drugs in one, DXM plus the highly active metabolite DXO. DXM is the antidepressant and slight mu opioid receptor agonist. DXO is an NMDA-receptor antagonist (that name being most of what I know about it) and produces the dissociative/psychedelic/trippy effects. Everything's on a scale, to loosely quote Shakespeare nothing's inherently good or bad only thinking makes it so, but the way I used D
    6 points
  31. Hi Guys, Good to see so many I have missed at the other place for a while. I will be checking in here and whilst I am not on meds to quit I use a heap of supplements to keep myself healthy and sober. Good to get the boozing season safely behind me. No matter how long you are sober that pressure to imbibe is hard.
    6 points
  32. Well at the suggestion of a fellow member who has no experience of AA I am starting a thread here about my experiences of that organisation. It may be a bit out of place in this forum but as it was suggested here goes. I am aware that some or maybe the majority of you may well have been to AA in your attempts to quit drinking so I will just say from the outset that these are my views and that they are from my perspective only. For those who don't have any experience of AA, I hope this is enlightening. The basics are as follows: AA was started prior to WW2 in the USA. There were two m
    6 points
  33. Hello All! I've hit 100 mg today! Cravings are still there. So is the drinking. I want to tell you that in Italy, Baclofen is without prescription (some pharmacies at least) and costs 10 Euro for 50 tablets 25 mg. So stock up if you travel to Italy soon! Kind regards.
    6 points
  34. Hello all. Firstly apologies for my absence here. For those who were around when the forum started I was one of the 'founding members' and helped a bit with setting bits of it up. I posted shortly after, having struggled with baclofen, that I wouldn't post while I was still actively drinking and not actually following some sort of plan to stop. It has been a rough few months but in the end I went back to AA. I'm not a big '12 Stepper' by any means but the longest periods I have ever had sober as an adult were while attending AA. I don't have any time for gods or superstition, but I do get
    6 points
  35. Happy New Year. I think Ive been keeping up with most of the posts the past few weeks and glad to see that everyone seems to be getting along ok. I hope I can catch up and respond to some of the earlier posts . I have just been putting all my energy into getting through the Holidays and making it nice for my family. I feel like everything is twice as hard and takes me twice as long and there isn't much time or energy left for much else. I think it's been pretty good though, better than the past 5 years, let's say. I managed to do it all--the shopping, wrapping, decorating and cooking.
    6 points
  36. Hey Stuck, I can't apologize enough for not replying sooner. Admittedly, I have been focusing on some work related things lately. I know you don't believe in it, but I am praying for you and truly hope you find some help. If rehab is what you need right now to get sober then I say go for it. As an HR guy I would like to offer a word of advice though. Alcoholism is a disease which means if you go to Rehab and send the paperwork to your HR department you are protected from being fired. This extends to a grace period when you return. It basically wipes out your past and gives you a fre
    6 points
  37. <cringe> I am ashamed of that post. Glad it's in writing so I can remember exactly how pathetic I was. Stuck, my dear friend, I found my words. Hoping someone doesn't drink is worse than useless. It's unhelpful and complacent. I don't know if what we're reading is a descent into something truly tragic. Not a drunken love story, but a real life danger. All the signs are there. Perhaps you really think you will know when it's time to go to the hospital, or even get outside intervention to help yourself. People make terrible decisions when they're drinking. It can't be hel
    6 points
  38. At the other side of the world here, but I was shocked at the result in the US. Had been away on my motorcycle and when I came in and was told the news I thought my family was pulling my leg. Nope. Interesting times ahead for all of us... I'm still not the slightest bit interested in drinking and still pretty happy without happy pills.
    6 points
  39. So after spending the hour with my therapist talking only about the election results, and then showing up at my bff's house to find her literally crying, with yesterday's mascara on her cheeks, I am completely emotionally exhausted. But I didn't drink today, so there's that.
    6 points
  40. @Felina I freaking love that meme. Also one of my favorites:
    6 points
  41. Hello BC, I haven't tried Nal, but actually just recommended it to a young man who isn't necessarily interested in not drinking, but wants to rein it in and not go overboard any longer. I was prescribed Nal, along with Baclofen initially. I decided against trying the Nal and just went in for the kill after finding MWO a few years back. I didn't necessarily want to just dull the effects of the high. What I found/find debilitating is the cravings that can occupy my every waking minute when I'm in the throes of active addiction. Baclofen does the trick for me where that is concerned, however
    6 points
  42. Hello, I just joined this forum and thought I would introduce myself. I am in my mid 50's and live in California and have been trying to get sober since 2010. Alcohol is my drug of choice and it has caused a lot of problems in my life, primarily personal with my family and friends. I've been through two outpatient programs, countless AA meetings, SMART recovery, and counseling and nothing seems to blunt the cravings. I have tried Topomax, Naltrexone (both normally and through the Sinclair Method), and Campral. None of those had any sustained effect, although I did reduce my intake th
    6 points
  43. 9/26/16 Here I am, six years later, still cured of my alcoholism. Still sharp. Still sane. Sober, but not abstinent - I still have a few beers now and again - at a level well below the World Health Organization standards of safe drinking (<4 a day, <14 a week), and less than what could be considered "moderating." I do not believe that baclofen is a path to moderate drinking, and I will go further to say that the more distance that you can put between yourself and the bottle, the better that baclofen can work for you. I'm currently at 180mg/day - after about 10 months @ 160, while
    6 points
  44. Hi Folks Enjoy Dr Amanda Stafford’s videos on Baclofen against alcoholism. Dr Amanda Stafford’s is working on Emergency Department, Royal Perth Hospital (Australia). Practical Protocol for Prescribing Baclofen From one man’s experience to 100,000 patients Abstinence or Social Drinking on Baclofen? Baclofen Assisted Alcohol Withdrawl Paris to Perth - How I found Baclofen Does Baclofen help with other addictions? How long does Baclofen treatment need to be for? Why does Baclofen fail in some patients? Anxiety and Alcoholism - the missing
    6 points
  45. At a meeting one time someone said "This program works a lot better if you don't drink." Almost fell off my chair laughing. That about sums up the whole thing, doesn't it?
    6 points
  46. Cool article, and some interesting discussion for a change. Not all rabid wally's with a viewpoint that cannot be changed. Sadly, the more I get into this, the more it seems to be either a self-selecting audience that approves to the bitter end, or just a bunch of wankers that will not look at studies, and have their fixed viewpoint. I understand the aversion to narratives, they are useless when deciding what works and what doesn't, but at what point do you gather all the narratives up and think, hang on, something is afoot! Having looked at how science works, (and wishing I had taken a more s
    6 points
  47. Hey, somewhat late to the party Jets, but hopefully a few things to contribute... Well done, firstly, on starting the journey. That's the hardest part out of the way. As regards dosing, man, I've been all over the show. As stuck said early in the thread, when I was titrating up, I found it better to do it very often, going to the ridiculous extreme of every 2 hours. I later changed to once a day on a fairly large dose. I think it is a pretty unique experience for everyone, as it seems to affect people in wildly different ways, and the best (and unfortunately useless) advice, is tha
    6 points
  48. Oh man I really hate Day 1s. By the grace of God I pray this is the last Day 1 for a while. First, today: weak and shaky as hell, as always. Got home from work and poured out all the leftover booze. Going to go for a walk in a bit, then the girl is coming over after work and she's going to accompany me to a meeting. Now, yesterday: first she said I could take a cab over to her place, but if she smelled liquor on me she wouldn't let me in the house. But then she showed up on my doorstep. We sat and talked for a while - she felt like I have been manipulating her. And she's probably no
    6 points
  49. Stuck I saw the posts, I assume you are referring to, in two ways Firstly, it was pointing out that their dream was that this was going to be a forum where the sober helped out the drunk, with advise and sagely words and it was not to be site for the ramblings of a drunken school teacher with no intention of reaching sobriety Secondly, it was frustration at you and Ne for not being able to reach either sobriety or a position where you/her were drinking at a level of normality (Like most people do) I have to admit, I shared, at least the second observation - Ne will tell you
    6 points
  50. I was the one who pm'd Ne. She has asked me to post my issues here. I subscribed financially and expected a lot more than I've been getting regarding living happily in sobriety and helping newcomers. I am very frustrated with Both Ne and Stuck and not because they are drinking, but because THEY DON'T WANT TO GET SOBER. Sobriety doesn't fall into your lap while you are sitting on the couch feeling sorry for yourself or vomiting in your bed. Stuck, if I were paying for a drunk to teach my kids with MY hard-earned money, I would be pissed and you also claim self-pity. Ne, I t
    6 points
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