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The End of my Addiction

How to overcome the expectation/joy of alcohol


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I get that’s baclofen reduces craving - I can already see a drop in anxiety at 50mg a day.

But I drink party because I’m an alcoholic, but partly because I love it (sounds dumb but don’t really know how to explain). From midday, I’m fantasising about that drink - its flavour, texture and of course, effects. I can’t imagine an evening without it, or passing up on those magical experiences.

I just live for the bliss of those first couple of 5pm drinks. I already appreciate the anxiolytic effects, but can’t get in the zone to think about what life without booze could be like.

Any tips?

Edited by Lwj
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For any alcoholic with enough time sober, that association will tend to decay. You just forget what it feels like to be drunk. In the past when I got sober without baclofen, I usually got there after about a month. I substituted a lot of exercise. 

Once I reached a high enough baclofen dose, the thoughts just went away. I no longer associated alcohol with a pleasurable experience. I did not drink when I was increasing my dose as I was on probation, and had also made the decision (finally this time) that I would no longer live that way. So it wasn't like I stopped getting a pleasurable experience and lost interest because I wasn't getting a buzz. 

Keep at it. You'll know when you get there. 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 9/27/2020 at 6:50 AM, Lwj said:

I get that’s baclofen reduces craving - I can already see a drop in anxiety at 50mg a day.

But I drink party because I’m an alcoholic, but partly because I love it (sounds dumb but don’t really know how to explain). From midday, I’m fantasising about that drink - its flavour, texture and of course, effects. I can’t imagine an evening without it, or passing up on those magical experiences.

I just live for the bliss of those first couple of 5pm drinks. I already appreciate the anxiolytic effects, but can’t get in the zone to think about what life without booze could be like.

Any tips?

Are you engaged in any support groups like AA, or celebrate recovery? There is a light on the other side 

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On 10/21/2020 at 8:40 AM, amy said:

Are you engaged in any support groups like AA, or celebrate recovery? There is a light on the other side 

Although I have not been attending meetings on a regular basis and I don't have a sponsor, I can second what Amy said. I've come to the belief that the success or failure in attempting to stay sober relying on 12 Step programs is almost 100% a function of how much one gives themselves to the "Fellowship." Having a place where you feel you belong, can be yourself, vulnerable, and where everyone shares the common value of staying sober is incredibly powerful. The steps, although incredibly cathartic and important for anyone wishing to live a morally straight life, are secondary to simply having a place and people that get their kicks in other ways than getting fucked up. The program could be about giving your soul to Cthulhu, as long as the requirements included a desire to quit drinking. 

I personally got a little bored of them. It's also incredibly difficult and heartbreaking to see people you know continually suffer with the condition when you see them doing everything that the program asks of them. I want to tell them about baclofen, but I don't know how to do it or if the information would even be welcomed. When I first started working on sobriety with baclofen years ago, I was drinking and was extremely irresponsible about how I administered it, so I'm nervous to even mention it to people. Those I have told are extremely skeptical and AA was already working for them, so it wasn't really needed. I was one of the "unfortunates" who could not give myself 100% to the program. I was one who was "constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves" and "suffered from grave emotional and mental disorders" that it talks about in How it Works in the Big Book.  It's possible that it may have clicked for me eventually, once I had lost enough, but I doubt it. Even after getting sober on baclofen I was still an asshole and had to lose everything that mattered to me before I was really able to confront the source of my problems: me, and traumas in my past that had created me. 

 

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