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The End of my Addiction
phoenix

How I became me

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phoenix

As the first term of the second year progressed I went out more, drank more, tried to keep up my training but struggled to keep my weight down. I told some flat mates who I'd had no previous connection that I was bulimic, and they really played on this. They also tried to lay down some rules which as a boyfriend of mine pointed out, were singling me out. I also had an affair or two, and my performance in athletics started to nose dive. I fell behind in my studies, my boyfriend had a relapse of some psychotic type episodes, I had some drunken really wierd moments, and one day I realised I felt like life was a black and white film being shown on a screen. I went to the Drs and asked for help. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, given Prozac, offered emergency counselling, and a regular appointment with a Psychiatric Nurse (CPN). I think I'd actually accessed something like this in the first year when my bulimia became really bad. I felt so alone even living on a busy campus, in the second year I was in uni accomodation in the city itself.

I started to drink more and more, going out was more frequent, the confused times, I had a couple of 6 week relationships. Then sober, washing up one morning I injured my hand badly on a glass which broke whilst cleaning it. Hospital and an operation to stitch a severed tendon together meant I couldn't sit my second year exams. I applied for a year out, to come back where things really took a dive, and it was granted. I went to live with my mum back in my home town, took a couple of different jobs and the going out several times a week continued. If you asked me I'd have told you that I drank around 50 UK units per week. In my first year at uni I could manage 10 UK units in one night, once or twice a week. By the second year I was drinking 15 units (about 6-7 pints of cider or a bottle of wine + couple of extra glasses) each time I went out. Still not really drinking at home although in a previous post when I described trying to use rapid consumption of alcohol as an ematic, that was done at home.

Edited by phoenix
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StuckinLA

Please keep writing, babe. When you have the chance.

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