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The End of my Addiction

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Baclofenman
20 hours ago, Molly78 said:

I hate & loathe any form of organised exercise such as the gym or running marathons. Again I'm at odds with almost everyone else here.

@Molly78

Hi Molly - I go to the gym twice a week at 6.30AM and I do not mind telling you I hate it - It is only because of the habit I am now in with it that I can fully appreciate the euphoria it gives me when I have finished - I clock watch the whole way through - Its a habit thing with me now, part of my routine - A routine being a VERY important part of my life at the moment

Yesterday I lost my wallet at my local Tesco store - I paid for my fags (right by exit door) and walked to my car - When I got home I had lost it - In years of old, I would have stressed and stressed and got pissed to take the edge off the anxiety - I felt bad because I did not stress, you know what, I really did not care - I got on the net to Natwest and cancelled my cards and then forgot about it really - This attitude is really not me - I was observing myself, like a sort of out of body experience - Thinking why is this guy not going to his default setting? - Baclofen, that is why - No other explanation

This morning I went downstairs to find the Police had posted it back through my letter box - Their are still some honest people about today, which is nice 

Regards

 

Bacman

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Molly78

I love the story of the lost wallet!  This has happened to me recently - my purse turned out to  be in a different handbag upstairs. I found it after I had cancelled all my cards. I don't know which was worse - thinking I had lost it, or finding it AFTER I had cancelled the cards!

 

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Molly78

wrt exercise - I count gardening as exercise. It's the gym I dislike. Especially having to pay for it. However, I might have to rethink this as winter approaches. I'm a fair weather gardener & I don't get out much when the weather is miserable. Maybe an exercise bike plus a definite routine with the pilates DVD.

It's the routine that's important isn't it? I need a planner like yours, Baclofenman, to make sure I actually DO something on a regular basis.

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Baclofenman
1 hour ago, Molly78 said:

I love the story of the lost wallet!  This has happened to me recently - my purse turned out to  be in a different handbag upstairs. I found it after I had cancelled all my cards. I don't know which was worse - thinking I had lost it, or finding it AFTER I had cancelled the cards!

 

Yes, exactly - The wife called me this morning to say Police had dropped it back - I did have a moan about the fact that I had cancelled my cards - She sort of bought some perspective on it when she called me an ungrateful cock, which on reflection, summed it up quite aptly

Regards

 

Bacman

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Baclofenman
1 hour ago, Molly78 said:

It's the routine that's important isn't it? I need a planner like yours, Baclofenman, to make sure I actually DO something on a regular basis.

Yes, for me it is essential Molly - I always liked to be in a routine, trouble was is that Alcohol meant I usually messed it up <sigh>

Regards

 

Bacman

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Ne1

Routines, and keeping track of things daily, are key. It feels really good to have started the spreadsheet and see the differences, slow as they are. 

On 6/28/2016 at 11:55 AM, Baclofenman said:

@Molly78This attitude is really not me - I was observing myself, like a sort of out of body experience - Thinking why is this guy not going to his default setting? - Baclofen, that is why - No other explanation

Baclofen...and possibly exercise. I remember the first time that happened to me, actually. Something went horribly awry and I just cruised through it without much thought or hesitation. And certainly without angst. But the first time I was taking baclofen to reach indifference I was also working out 3 or 4x/week. Exercise really does change everything. I wonder (now) if it is the reason for the difference between how I experienced sobriety the last time and what my experience is with it now. (Last time, THRILLED! This time, I'm pretty ambivalent.) 

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Nicnak

So this is my 4th day AF and I think I'm definetly indifferent?

Cant believe I've got here below my original switch of 180mg

so now I'm putting all my effort into loosing weight now that I'm not drinking and not eating half as much.

Im going to guard my switch and not going down any time in the near future.Ive got a good supply from Goldpharma and defo not telling my gp this time even though I've been prescribed Nalmefene by local alcohol services

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Molly78

That's such good news, Nicnak.

I can't rememeber what happened last time tomake you not want to tell your GP, but what a good opportunity it would be to trumpet the success of baclofen over Nalmefene! Never mind though, the main thing is you are where youwant to   be.

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Nicnak

I told my gp because I was naive enough to think they would think it was wonderful and be converted to Baclofen.But he opposite was true and made me feel like the worst person in the world and one of the gps in the practice almost said they couldn't treat me with any other complaint whilst u was taking Baclofen.So I felt I had no choice but to give it up.By this time I had already lost my switch due to going down to fast because I was worried about a new batch of Baclofen coming.

I had tried to titrate back up to 180mg,I went right up to 280mg and still was drinking.The SE's at this point were terrible and I felt like I was going mad.Thats why I was surprised at how easy it was this time and that my switch this time was lower than the first time.

There really is no rules to this drug and everyone reacts differently.I can sort of see how it must be hard to prescribe it but it's still no excuse ad Baclofen really is a miracle.One day I couldn't stop drinking and the next you couldn't pay me to drink

Good luck to all my fellow baclonians!

 

 

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Ne1

@Nicnak, Congratulations! I remember you posting about how negative your doctors were about baclofen. And mom's posts about the doctors in the hospital calling her physician to tell her to stop prescribing baclofen for mom...SO FRUSTRATING!!!

Mini-meltdown for me yesterday after I posted on here. Suddenly felt overwhelmed and really negative about everything again. Not sure what happened, exactly. Talking to the lawyer about Ed's DUI, making notecards from my notes to study and it all suddenly seemed insurmountable, angst and more angst. 

Hot as hell today. Didn't walk the dog, haven't studied. Basically feeling blah, and looking forward to tomorrow already. I have been on a roll, though, so I'm not punishing myself for being sloth-like. Even though I know I'd feel better if I actually did something. <sigh>

Ed's off for the weekend, and lots of work to do around the house and in the yard...And studying like a fiend. 

Do you guys have plans for the weekend? 

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Nicnak

Hi ne

I work every weekend and Tuesday and Wednesday.So my weekend is in the week?

My husband has by some miracle been granted legal aid and has a proper barrister representing him.But the solicitor said there is a good chance he could go to prison for up to 4.5 months but that's worst ways so I will need our savings to get through that.But he could well loose his job if that happens so don't know what will happen after that.

I had also before this happened booked a holiday to turkey for sept so obviously won't be going on this if he goes to prison but it still has to be paid.

Also in light of the latest terrorist attack in Turkey it's not the ideal place to go so all in all life is s*it but at least I'm not drinking 

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Molly78

My weekend has not started well. Yesterday teatime I started to sneeze uncontrollably, nose steaming. Went out to late opening pharmacy & bought Day Nurse & Night Nurse. Thes are sold in the UK as treating the symtoms of a cold. Day Nurse contains pseudoephenrine. When one of my sons tried to buy them in the US he was asked for driving license ID because apparently you can use them to make speed - yeah with 10 capsules? This in a country which allows you to buy an assault rifle with few checks. Weird priorities.

But I digress & have also wandered inot politics which Otter got his knuckles gently rapped for recently. I know people in the US have opposing views about gun control like we have opposing views about leaving the EU.

Anyway, usualyy both Day & Night versions are effective, but I woke regularly through the night unable to breathe & finally got up at 4.30 am. Now I'm exhausted - only the peudoephedrine is keeping me goiing.

Interstingly, I used to get a mild "high" on this drug, but that was before bac. Now it just makes me bog-eyed & restless. A bit like alcohol now just makes me sleepy. Bac definately blocks the high you get from various substances - or is that just me?

Anyway the weekend can only get better. I have a granndson's 5th birthdat party tomorrow. I wont be infectious by then, so I'm determined to go. I bought him some modelling sand & I'm keen to try it out myself. Buying presents for grandkids acceraltes you descent into a second childhood.

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Ne1

@Nicnak, when I finally get a job, I think my time off will be during the week, too. That's astounding, and very scary, that your husband might have to spend 4.5 months in jail. Wow. Good news about being able to get a public defender. Ours cost us $2000. In this country, it pays to get a high dollar attorney. Still, the outlook is grim.

We had a trip planned to visit my brother in October of this year. Fortunately, we hadn't paid for it before this happened. But like you, all plans are off until we find out what the sentence is going to be. I hope that you'll be able to travel to Turkey. I lived there when I was a toddler! My dad was in the Air Force and stationed in Izmir. They went back last year and relived the early days of their marriage. It's their favorite country in the world. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

@Molly78, Sorry about the cold. Our priorities ARE totally screwed up. I think even gun owners/supporters agree with that. And yes, I've had some weird reactions to pseudoephedrine, as well as some other uppers, because (I think) of baclofen. Especially back in the beginning. Not so much now. 

Sorry you feel so terrible. Hope today is better and you are getting ready to have fun with the grandkids. Being an aunt is fun like that, too. We get to do kid stuff! Though our oldest nephew is now a teenager and reluctant to have any fun with adults. Ha! He's not a bad kid, thank goodness, but he's definitely different than he was just a year ago. 

I had a day of self-pity and all that jazz, but I'm back on the bus now and getting ready for a busy weekend. It's going to be HOT! I've got no new news, but no news is good news these days. :) 

Hope you guys have a good day, too!  

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time2quit

speaking of pseudoephedrine   wait for it

 

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Nicnak

Well we had a letter today stating that although we have legal aid we have enough income to pay £4900 of it (don't know it can cost that much)

And because we have a lot of equity in our house people can claim compensation from us (do they want me to sell my house?)

And if he goes to prison he won't have any income and will most probably loose his job 

If he goes to prison we won't have to pay a fine of up to £5000 and any compensation so I'm thinking he should just with no representation and go to prison (and rot there!)

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Ne1

Oh, Nicnak, I'm so sorry about all the trouble. My husband and I had a candid conversation about it yesterday. He also may have the option of spending more time in jail (by a couple of days, not months!) instead of fines. But he's adamant that he would rather pay the fines. I totally understand why. Being in jail is so humiliating and the people are treated...really poorly. That said, drunk driving is incredibly dangerous (not to mention just idiotic) and I kind of want to say to him how I really feel...Which is that it's costing us so much money, and stress, that he should bear the brunt of the experience. Bad enough that he was drinking and driving, but then refusing the breathalyzer and saying a bunch of self-incriminating stuff...I try really hard not to resent him and get angry, all over again, but it ain't easy.

It helps, in a way, that I was stupid, too, and shouldn't have been driving that night. It very easily could have been me, and we didn't even talk about taking an uber, and leaving our cars where they were. Just another example of how difficult it is to make rational decisions when one is drunk. From this point forward I have a "Zero drinks before driving or else Uber" policy. I wish he would do the same. In fact, we're headed for another very difficult "discussion" after he said that he didn't think he could drive within the speed limit for the year that he'll be on probation. Knowing full well that if he is pulled over for speeding, he'll go to jail and it will cost us a lot more $$$$! Frankly, I don't think either of us has taken this seriously enough. I didn't mean this to be all about me. I guess I just want you to know I feel your pain. 

And @Molly78 is right. It's too easy, especially under these circumstances, to see the worst. (Thanks for that, Molly!) For the first time ever, my husband and I have reversed roles and he's the one that is feeling fairly optimistic, and I'm the one who can only see the absolute worst. But maybe, as I said above, it's because he's not taking this seriously. It'll hit home when he's standing in front of the judge. 

@StuckinLA, I don't know what to say. I agree with MJM and think you should get rid of the gun. It seems contradictory to me that you kept the gun and gave away the ammunition. The ammunition isn't going to kill you, it's ridiculously easy to get and cheap. Also, you suggested that you're not actively suicidal, but you clearly are when you're drunk. If you don't hear the danger in your actions, I don't know how any of us could help you hear it. It's very alarming and disheartening. 

@MJM, YAY! So glad you had a good trip. It's funny how being away from the normal, day-to-day stuff, (and the ingrained habit), makes it so much easier to not drink. I spent 6 days at my parent's house and didn't drink anything, even when offered. Got back home and BAM! Reality hit, and also craving, and also the habit. I'm trying very hard to shake things up in my routine so that I don't default into getting a beer. Non-alcoholic beer helps. A lot. We did a lot of yard work yesterday, which prompts the idea of having a cold beer when the hot work is done. I had a NA beer and it worked just fine. All the fizzy, almost-like-beer taste and none of the guilt. 

Rainy Sunday morning here. We've got some indoor chores to take care of, and I will get to spend some quality time studying. It's really hard for me to do when Ed's home and there is SO MUCH to do outside that's heavy, hard, hot work. I feel guilty sitting and studying. I'm sure he's glad to have the rain so he can binge-watch movies on Netflix and just relax. Court on Wednesday, and we're both very stressed about it. (Obviously!) 

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MJM

Ne - I hope by now you and Ed will have some resolution soon about the court case - the worst is not knowing

LIS - sounds like you're leading a full life! I know that is not alway what one wants, but I hope it is for you.

Felina - I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, but it sounds like there is a new one about to come into your life. Enjoy!

Nicnack  - sounds really good, that you have found indifference this time - well done! It takes patience for some of us, it seems.

 

I'm just, well, floating. It has been weird since getting back from Europe. I have had jet lag, a cold and drinking/titrating up on Bac. Tomorrow we head north to the warmth of northern Australia for a week's holiday. I hope that will help me achieve some balance. Yesterday I wanted to sleep from about 4pm on. I think I might have doubled up on my 3pm 50mg dose. I'm pretty sure I only took it once, but damn it I was suffering as if I took it twice. Anyway, drinking again tonight, even though I wasn't sure I wanted to... sigh. Boring, I know.

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Admin2

We're moving to a month-to-month Checking In thread. Please use the following thread to respond to Checking In. All of the July posts have been moved to here:  

 

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