Jump to content
The End of my Addiction
Molly78

Addiction memoirs

Recommended Posts

Molly78

I know, you either love them or hate them - I'm a bit hooked. It's like a validation I think. "Oh look, some other perfectly intelligent human being did all the stupid things I did......& more".

Anyway, I'm reading Blackout:Remembering the things I drank to forget by Sarah Hepola. And I came upon this great summary of the role of alcohol in her life:

"Drinking saved me. When I was a teenager crippled by self consciousness it gave me power. When I was a young woman unsure of her worth, it gave me courage. When I was lost, it pointed the way, towards the next drink & everywhere it leads you. When I triumphed, it celebrated with me. When I cried, it comforted me. And even in the end, when I was tortured by all it had done to me, it gave me oblivion."

About to go on & read about how she got sober. I don't think it was with bac.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ne1

I go back and forth about them. 

In 2009/2010, I decided to create my own program, since nothing had ever worked for me. I went to the library and checked out every book they had on alcoholism and recovery (14 books) and ordered some more off of Amazon. I read a lot of memoirs. Some of them trite and really annoying. It's where I found Ameisen's book, actually, and what started me on the path to trying baclofen. 

Drinking: A Love Story is still one of my favorites. Of course, it haunts me too, since she died from lung cancer in her early 40s. When I first got sober, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like, it can't be this easy/good! What's going to go horribly awry now??? lol.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Molly78

I love Caroline Knapp's book as well, must have read it 4 or 5 times.

Turns out Sarah Hepola's sobriety was actually achieved much like Knapp's - via AA & white-knuckling. She hated AA initially but came to an understanding of the spirituality aspect after a while.

Another good quote regarding her recovery period:

"Addiction was the inverse of honest work. It was everything right now. I drank away nervousness, I drank away boredom and I needed to build up a new tolerance. Yes to discomfort, yes to frustration, yes to failure, because it meant I was getting stronger. I refused to be the person who only played games she could win."

The last sentence I think describes me quite well when younger - I still struggle with losing/being wrong.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ne1
8 minutes ago, Molly78 said:

"Addiction was the inverse of honest work. It was everything right now. I drank away nervousness, I drank away boredom and I needed to build up a new tolerance. Yes to discomfort, yes to frustration, yes to failure, because it meant I was getting stronger. I refused to be the person who only played games she could win."

The last sentence I think describes me quite well when younger - I still struggle with losing/being wrong.

Oh yeah, I can definitely relate to that quote. Completely. Fear of failure is my personal favorite reason to, as my therapist calls it, "sleep walk" by drinking...

I don't really relate to the first quote you published because that wasn't my experience. Maybe it's that my years in traditional recovery have tainted my memories (quite possible0 but I only remember the bad aspects of drinking, even when I was young. Especially when I was young. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
StuckinLA

Augusten Burroughs' _Dry_ is pretty good, and he also has a collection of essays called _Magical Thinking_ that deals a lot with his alcoholism. My favorite part is probably where he admits that he can't bring any guys home from the bar for one-night stands, because he's been too ashamed to take any of his empty bottles out to the recycling; he had over 300 empty handles of scotch all over the floor of his apartment. I also really related to his refusal to buy more than two handles at a time - that's the limit, any more would be ridiculous - so of course he ran out and had to go back to the store every day. I did that shit for a long time.

And if you're a famous-writer-obsessed voyeur like me, _The Trip to Echo Spring_ is kind of cool, by Olivia Laing. Also, you could pick up just about any literary biography - Cheever, Faulkner, any of the Hemingway biographies. Those are all 700-page doorstops, though, so it takes a while to get through them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...