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The End of my Addiction

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Molly78
On 7/10/2016 at 0:51 PM, Lostinspace said:

Whatever your natural inclination is socially, it will reveal itself when you've moved far enough away from the depression and drinking.

Very true, LIS. My natural inclination turned out to be a solitary life, enjoying reading, gardening & selsctive TV (Netflix or iplayer usually). I think I mainly drank in the first place to have the confidence to socialise, then I started to drink alone to relax, & it was all downhill from then on.

Niknac, sorry to hear about the delayed verdict, but it may be good news if it turns out that the medical evidence supports the contemtion that zopiclone contributed to his poor driving. Zopiclone can make you drowsy by day for the first few hours of the day if taken late at night, & alcohol potentiates this effect. Fingers  crossed for you.

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Good morning everyone. I hope you all had a nice weekend, and for those in the US, a nice long weekend. I got at least two of the three days off (although I only have to go in for a few hours today).

Hi all, I'm back from Europe/Britain.   Had a great time with Dad. Made me happy to see him so happy. Was in London during Brexit vote, with old family friends who voted Leave. Was

I picture myself driving along with a car full of balloons blown up by sober people.

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Nic, I'm relieved that my husband can't drink and drive, at all, ever, because of the Interlock thing he has to blow into. Unfortunately we definitely don't have a decent public transportation system around us, and if he'd lost his license it would have been devastating financially.

I don't think I like being solitary. I've always pictured myself as a "people person" (ugh. Hate that term) so I don't think sitting at home alone was a thing until I started drinking at home alone so I could drink what I needed without humiliating myself. 

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I'm not sure what my inclinations are socially as I've been drinking all my life (looking back I was an alcoholic from the moment I started drinking) bug I know I liked to socialise and I LIKED drinking.Im almost sad that I don't want to drink now but also very relieved.Im just sad it's come to this and would love to have been like my friends,take it or leave it.

Life is very boring now but it's a life I have to live unless I want to die.

Theres a quote on another site I go on (patient.info) from Joanna c3 Europe and she puts it very well saying about how most alcoholics are born with no off switch,I will try to dig it out

 

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Mom2JTx3

Interesting discussion.  I use to be social with my group of friends. However I started drinking due to social anxiety. I remember when it started.  My kids were playing baseball and you had to sit and socialize with the other parents and I found this difficult.  What made it easier were those 4 packs of mini wine bottles.  I'd toss one down, put some more in my coffee mug, and socialize away. It spiraled down from there, but that was the start of it.

Mom2

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Here is the quote I was talking about although she talks mainly about Natrexone 

 

I just explained what I believe Alcohol Use Disorder is to someone who wanted a very basic, non medical, non-complicated explanation of what has happened to them.  I remember that when I was in the throes of heavy addiction, my brain simply couldn't take it anything too complicated either.

After I emailed it to them, I realised that it might help some here.  We drinkers tend to have a habit of over-analysing everything and if someone benefits from this simple, but effective explanation, then that would be great.

So, here it is.....

''I view it that most (and I mean by far the largest proportion of society) have a pre-installed OFF switch – and this regulates how much alcohol they drink and therefore stops them getting a problem.  They were born with that switch and the ability to use it.  It’s like a firewall, for want of a better word.

 

For a few people like us with drink issues, we were born without this off switch.  As a result, we are driven to continue to drink and as a result, learn addictive behaviours in the same way that we learn any other new skill - whether that be learning to ride a bike, or that we like the taste of chocolate etc.  It is all the same learning mechanism in the brain.

For us, the naltrexone is the OFF switch and as long as we keep it installed and up to date (ie use it compliantly), we will unlearn that previously learned behaviour and it will become our firewall IF we chose to drink occasionally after the treatment is completed and you are free of alcohol cravings.

In addition to the safety of our 'firewall', we can, if we wish or need to, supplement the medicaton with learning new coping techniques.  As we use the medication to chemically extinguish those learned behaviours, some people will need to replace them with new learned behaviours, and this is were CBT or other learning techniques can benefit someone.''

Of course the mention of naltrexone (or nalmefene) is only applicable to those wishing to try The Sinclair Method.

For others, they can substitute any form of treatment into the premise of the first part of the explanation and try ensure that they do not pick up that first drink so they don't activate drinking in the first place.  That might be AA, Camprol... whatever they chose.

As long as it works for them, it doesn't matter and we should be sure not to judge how they recovered AS LONG AS they do recover.

I know that is what we all want for ourselves, and what we wish for others too.

 

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Mine started really early, too, Nicnak. I don't remember a time when I didn't drink while I was socializing. I'm sure it happened when I was in my teens, because I'm sure I didn't have access to alcohol every time I socialized. (How the hell did I have so much access to booze when I was a teenager? It's a conundrum I haven't figured out. I do remember that the drinking age in Washington DC was still 18, and there was a liquor store right across the border--from Maryland to DC--that didn't card and so we would make the 45 minute long drive down to buy liquor. I also remember standing outside of liquor stores and asking people to buy me beer. And they did! Can you imagine? It's crazy.) 

So, like you, I have no idea what the baseline for me is when it comes to living without AL. Am I an extrovert? Or was I extroverted because I drank? What I do know is that I was often a really lousy friend, and that many of my friends, as I grew older, were the ones who drank like I did, or more than I did. So then it was moot, because we were all drunk together. 

After I hit indifference, I found that what drunk people talk about and think are funny is a reflection of their drunkenness. In other words, the sober me was often annoyed and completely disconnected when other people were drunk. Not always, but enough so that I stopped doing things that revolved around drinking. Like watching the St. Patricks Day parade with a group of young friends who think nothing of doing shots--which I can't handle--and spending the day at a drunkfest. Boring and incredibly annoying, even though I would have a couple of drinks just to go along...

I like the quote from Joanna at C3Europe. I like that website for a lot of reasons. They've done some amazing things. I hope we can one day follow in their footsteps. (They have lots and lots of $$$, and celebrity support as well.) 

I didn't find life boring at all when I found indifference last time. Suddenly my life was too full, and I had too much to do, and getting it all done, crossing things off the lists, was incredibly rewarding. Now? Not so much. But I'm hoping that it will change soon and I'll find things to be rewarding again. 

Tough day yesterday for me. The stuff that Ed has to do for the DUI is all very annoying and time consuming. (He's doing it, but I have to handle the back end of the paperwork he needs, because I am the one who takes care of the insurance and stuff…) Studying isn't going well, either. I'm doing more poorly on the practice tests than I was a couple of weeks ago! Feeling blue today, and overwhelmed. Didn't go for a walk, even. So I've decided to tackle all the crap that I REALLY don't want to do and have avoided doing, which just makes me feel worse. I wish I could put my head back in the sand and ignore all of it. 

Hope you guys are feeling better and more optimistic than I am! 

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Baclofenman
On 08/07/2016 at 11:27 PM, Nicnak said:

Lol,my OCD would have checking the tracking every half hour

Yeah - He is odd, old Menty - I would have been refreshing the page every few minutes for an update

A cool customer @Mentium

Regards

 

Bacman

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Baclofenman
On 11/07/2016 at 4:53 PM, Nicnak said:

So went to court today and didn't even get a verdict yet.Judge was confused about my husband saying that zoplicone might have contributed to his driving so now they want a letter from his doctor or someone who knows about zoplicone to write a letter saying it can cause drowsiness.

So we are back again in 18th August.....and so it goes on 

OMG - Nothing like them drawing out your agony....

I hope the Solicitor advised him on this? 

On 09/07/2016 at 6:01 PM, Nicnak said:

I have a problem with NICE myself.I have WAY to much empathy that I think it's a disability.I always worry about how other people are feeling and how I am making them feel.I can't watch animal adverts in tv about them being abused as I think about if for days,I even pick snails up off the path and put them back to a safer place.

This report made me chuckle (But then again so does black comedy)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3682545/Horror-Spanish-bullfighter-V-ctor-Barrio-gored-death-ring-stunned-crowd.html

Regards

 

Bacman

 

 

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Mentium
33 minutes ago, Baclofenman said:

Yeah - He is odd, old Menty - I would have been refreshing the page every few minutes for an update

A cool customer @Mentium

Regards

 

Bacman

Actually I tried a bit earlier today and the system didn't recognise the tracking number for some reason. I checked with the vendor and the order is on my account. Not worried at this point as it says the delivery will take up to 14 days and it is only six so far.

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Here I am again. I am so tired of my alcoholism. One night on, one night off.

The SEs at this level (200mg>) are really tough.

My back gave in this morning. It has been worse.

I'm sorry to be such a sad sack. I'm just fed up. I wish that I was not such a hard case.

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I keep trying to think of something inspiring to say MJM, but you are doing what needs to be done, so other than to say keep it up, nothing really comes to mind.

 

Being a sad sack is allowed, this can really suck at times.

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Hiya!

Menty, it could be untrackable for the moment because it's in customs or something. No worries. It actually amazes me how efficient these online pharma companies are. They get your order, send it to the factory (?) in India or Vanuatu, who must fill it almost immediately for it to arrive in a couple of weeks. I had a friend who did some overseas time in India, and I can assure you that the post office is not what we think of in the US! And did you know that the primary export, and main source of income, in Vanuatu is online pharma companies? It's this tiny little island country off the coast of India that doesn't have any regulations, so they can make all this stuff without government oversight. I think that's amazing. YMMV, though. HA! 

@MJM, So, so sorry. What got me through those really tough times were two things: support from people on the forum, where I felt completely free to complain and lament and share my experience, and keeping my eyes on the goal. To be honest, I never really believed that baclofen would make me truly indifferent--meaning I wouldn't care at all about booze--but it did. So maybe just reminding yourself that you're (as bleep said) doing the right thing, and that you're disease is in it's death throes. You can and will get through this! 

I woke up pre-dawn this morning which makes me SO happy. And without a hangover! Double the fun!! Ed's off for the weekend so we're going to finish painting the back porch. It was a project we started last year, and didn't have time to finish because I was too busy with school and the weather got too cold. 

It's funny, actually, and apropos of home ownership, where everything is more expensive and takes a lot longer than you originally planned for. We had a really ugly screened in porch. We tore it all down and planned on sanding and painting it. An easy project to make it pretty. My dad suggested, in an off-hand remark, that we should test the paint to see if it had lead in it. (For those outside of the US, paint with lead in it was the norm before about 1970. It's VERY dangerous to inhale. Our house was built in the 1950s.) Sure enough, it was lead paint! Which meant that we had to cover the whole thing with something, especially since we're planning on renting this house out eventually. So our $300, one-weekend-project turned into a $$$$ project that has taken more than a year. <sigh> It's going to be very pretty when we're done. But if I'd had any inkling of the cost in money and time, I would have redone the 1950s bathroom!!! 

On a completely different note, Ed is so paranoid about blowing into the Interlock to start his car that he's not drinking the night before he has to drive to work. Which means that there will be at least 5 days of no booze in this house. AND he's not smoking, either, because they might test him for that. It's a whole new world in Ne-land! 

Hope it's a good day, peeps. 

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Baclofenman
11 hours ago, Baclofenman said:

Pot

Regards

 

Bacman

Ever have one of those moments where you just feel a bit stupid. This is a good example of one of those moments.

I'm on day 2 of stopping cigarettes, so they are front and center in my brain right now. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it.

 

Nicnak, once whatever book you want is in your Kindle cloud, you should be able to download it on whatever device is running kindle as per normal. If that doesn't work for whatever reason, you can email the book to your Kindle account, and it should appear.

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Hi all,

Second night without AL. Before then, two nights on it. I injured my back five days ago (lower back, it flares up every few years) and while it wasn't as bad as it has been before, I made it worse the last night I drank a couple nights ago. I was trying to pee on a potted lime tree in the back yard and was so drunk I fell over the plant. I don't know how I did it, but I somersaulted over the plant, landed on my back but didn't damage the plant. I didn't help my back though - yesterday I wasn't good. I got my back treated with acupuncture yesterday afternoon... and that made it worse. Last night I couldn't walk more than a few metres without being in agony.

So went to a GP today who prescribed Pandadine Forte and valium. Had the first dose of Panadine late morning and that really helped the pain. Felt a bit woozy but okay.

So I took the second dose 4h later, and now feel off my face. Like I'm drunk. At least I don't feel like drinking!

I've just read what I've written and it's pretty nonsensical. Oh well.

I really appreciate your comments Ne and bleep. I was so on track with Bac and now back to struggling. Like others have said, for some of us Bac is not enough. I would love to get off the Effexor and learn how to exercise again. Before Effexor, I used to enjoy exercise -- even just fast walking in times I wasn't fit. It still felt good. Effexor blunts the bad feelings but also the good ones. Sigh. One thing at a time I guess. Get sober, try to exercise and after a while piss off the Effexor. I think.

Does any of that make sense? Probably not. Sorry.

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Your post makes sense, MJM.

In my humble opinion, it might be worth it to try to slowly change antidepressants. There is no question that what I was taking (which is related to effexor) increased my drinking and undermined baclofen. 

Sorry about your back pain. Do you see a chiropractor or can you get into physical therapy to help with it? Walking has definitely helped my lower back pain. At first, it made it worse, actually. But now it's definitely improved. I've actually started stretching a very little bit, before and after walking, and it helps more than I thought it would. (Why does stretching seem like such a waste of time? I mean, if I could count it toward exercise, it would be much easier to take the time to do it. But it definitely makes a huge difference in how I feel the next day.)

Thanks for clarifying Bacman. And all is forgiven, bleep. Congrats on…day 3? Rock on with your big ol' bad self. Running and giving up smokes. You're my hero! 

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SKendall

Hello all.  My computer was in the shop for repair, so haven't been around.

When I had the interlock, it would be triggered my toothpaste, mouthwash, mustard, drinking a lot the night before and many foods that have a fermentation process.  I think apple cider also triggered it.

Saw a miramba band yesterday - very good.  I am pushing my physical activity, but I am also pushing for surgery - lasik if possible.  They started me on gabapentin, but at only 100 mg.  I have dizziness and blurry vision.  I don't know how people take 3,000 mg., but maybe it is a slow titrate.  Dr has also ordered CTscan for the growth in my lung.  I am still smoking but very little.  Can anyone remember the name of the book on smoking that helps quitting?

We still haven't had much summer, but better than extreme heat.

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StuckinLA

Hey everybody. 

I think it's safe to say that the gabapentin experiment was a bust. And I have been on a pretty rough bender the last, well the last however long. Not sure it's even a bender at this point, so much as me being a very desperate alcoholic. I was really hoping that this would work, man. Pretty much side-effect free and it was supposed to help with withdrawal, which is the only reason I drink in the mornings.

I was sober for like a day last week. Then I'm shopping at Whole Foods and the wine section simply overpowered me. That night I really impressed myself by stopping after one bottle. But then the next night was back to "normal" - beers and whiskey and then all day all week. I only go out of the apartment for booze and cigarettes and this goes on and on.

Yes, I'm feeling a lot of self-pity. And that's irritating, nobody wants to hear it. Because I never seem to want to get better. Sitting here sweating and trembling, even with some Ativan. Fighting the urge to go slam a beer or two, but not sure if I'm going to win that fight. The girl came over last night after I pretty much begged her to come take care of me. She's still here, taking a nap in the bedroom. Not sure how long she'll stay today - well, I guess it's mid-afternoon already. Maybe she'll stay for dinner, but I know if she's hears a can open she's almost certainly out of here. And I don't blame her for being frustrated and pissed. 

Don't want to deal with the baclofen side effects, but I am considering it again. Freaking AA hasn't worked (not that I truly worked it), but I'm at the point of considering like an outpatient rehab or something. I'd have to quit drinking for a week or so first, since the one I looked into a couple years ago won't take anyone without a medical detox first, and I don't have the money (or insurance right now) for that. And with the Ativan here I'm doing about everything that a hospital would do anyway.

OK, this got kind of rambly. It's just so frustrating in this stupid cycle and knowing that a few drinks would fix the sweating and the shaking hands, but those few drinks would break so much more.

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48 minutes ago, StuckinLA said:

Don't want to deal with the baclofen side effects, but I am considering it again. Freaking AA hasn't worked (not that I truly worked it), but I'm at the point of considering like an outpatient rehab or something. I'd have to quit drinking for a week or so first, since the one I looked into a couple years ago won't take anyone without a medical detox first, and I don't have the money (or insurance right now) for that. And with the Ativan here I'm doing about everything that a hospital would do anyway.

Hey Stuck, I'm very sorry that you are still struggling....If you are going to start up on Baclofen again, have you considered using Gabapentin to mitigate the leg/nerve pain/parathesia that it (the Baclofen) gives you? Maybe you've tried that before?

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