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The End of my Addiction

Checking in--August 2016


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Nicnak, when we weren't drinking regularly for almost 4 years, we had SO MUCH money. Now we're having trouble making ends meet. It's astonishing how expensive drinking is. And it leads to other expensive impulsive behaviors, too. (Amazon, anyone? Oh, yeah. Guilty as charged. Eating out more often. Not drinking when out a restaurant was so cheap it SHOCKED me when we got the bill. It was for our anniversary, and back then we had a commitment that we didn't drink when we were celebrating or mourning. (Good habits. It's really nice to remember the celebratory moments unfiltered, and be present and connected for the grief. I digress...)

Stuck, I am also going to give you unsolicited advice. I will offer this info, first: I research everything. I mean, I don't research the brand of toilet paper we use, because even I am not so cheap (or so poor anymore) to resort to using scratchy toilet paper. But everything else? I research the f*ck out of things. 

We bought our first new (used) car in 2012. New was out of the question for all the reasonable reasons. Ed was driving a 10-ton (or whatever) Chevy Silverado, extended cab, extended bed, to work everyday. It got 11 miles to the gallon, had 200k miles on it, and gas was still $4/gallon. (Sorry, Europeans, our gas is still comparatively dirt cheap. I don't know how you can afford to drive!) 

I narrowed it down and narrowed it down, but it was going to be Ed's car. He'd always driven our beaters (1985 Thunderbird we paid $500 for, well into the 2000s!) I'm queen of cheap cars. 

Ironically, I love Suburas (what's not to love, they're the cool hippy cars ;)) but the ratings were terrible. Especially since the parts were expensive. Ed doesn't like Volvos, not sure what's wrong with him. Finally caved to the environmental pressure and researched Prii. Didn't believe they got 50 miles to the gallon. Ours does, consistently. Settled on a fully loaded 2010 with 75k miles on it. Obviously driven hard and turned in, probably company car. There was another with significantly fewer miles but it didn't have the bells and whistles. (Mind you, Prii are pretty spare with their amenities.) And Ed liked the blue one. 

A couple of months ago something went wrong. The car blacked out. Nothing happened at all when you pushed the start button. No warnings leading up to the event. Took it to the dealer (they are mostly the only ones who can work on hybrids with serious problems, so extra $$$ there, too.) Mechanic calls up with a $3-4000 estimate. Whatever the hybrid version of a transmission is was dead. Car was completely dead unless it was fixed. We got lucky, crazily thank-the-spirit-of-the-universe lucky, and got it fixed for free. When Ed picked up the car, the mechanic told him that he'd seen Prius batteries go as early as 130k miles! Ours now has 113k miles!!! I figured it was a Toyota so I didn't even bother to look up the lifespan. The batteries are $3000 to replace. Obviously a good investment if the car is paid off and everything else is still running well. But...Be aware! One last thing. They are great little cars and Ed loves it (though I don't because it's got too many alerts and screens and fancy computer stuff that distracts and/or yells at me for not putting on my seatbelt the minute I get in the car. Grrrr). It is not a good car to drive long distances comfortably. My Honda and even the Chevy truck (now 240k miles!) are much quieter and smoother. Heaven forbid you drive it in a city with lots of potholes! You'll feel 'em. 

Geez. I've written a page, about a car, and haven't even read the last page yet! 

 

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SKendall

Hi everyone, haven't posted too much lately.  I can drive a stick and although my next car will be a honda or subaru forester, I am very keen on the Fiat abarth.  They are mostly stick, although they did make about 500 automatics.

I was at the house with hubby yesterday emptying dressers and the buffet.  I will have to rent a mini storage before I can take anything else.

My husband of over 30 yrs. cheated on me, hence the living apart.  He has been punished by his health maladies and now this extremely active and at one time a world-class hurdler is sitting in a wheelchair, with his foot amputated and is facing another amputation above the knee.  Next week he will be moving back to Michigan and I don't think I'll see him again and I am so darned sad.  I no longer hold a grudge against him.  We had a very successful marriage for 20+ years and were the best of friends and raised 2 successful children together.  Things went south when we moved to WA state where I had no friends or family support and he became very controlling and I felt totally trapped and dependent on him due to a DUI and couldn't go anywhere.

My resentment and anger has washed away and I'm saying goodbye forever to this man.  Although, when looking for my silver tea set and my sterling silver flatware, they are gone and I know she stole them - and other things. Way back when we were friends I knew she was a thief and our friendship ended.  Can anyone suggest if I should go to the police at this point?  I just feel that because this is family heirloom stuff, she shouldn't get away with this and I would like them back to pass them on to my kids, who are deserving of them.  I didn't even know they were missing until yesterday and I'm as mad as hell.

The house closes 9/27 and I'm tire kicking new places to live.  The local are house prices have sky-rocketed due to the influx of Californians (I love Californians, btw).

I want to be mortgage-free and may have to spread my net further.  My new home will be smaller than I had imagined, but it beats living in low income where nobody has any ambition apart from "working the system.  I'm just in a strange headspace and listening to Neil Young.

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22 hours ago, Ne1 said:

Nothing happened at all when you pushed the start button.

Don't  you just hate the start button?  I have a Yaris Hybrid & I am permanently losing track of my keys which fall on the floor or down the side of the seat. What was wrong with a keyed ignition? I hate it when someone finds a solution to something that wasn't a problem in the first place!

Mine also has a lot of distracting electronics, but I do like having Satnav, I love the way the map rotates when you turn the corner, & the way the pompous female voice says "recalculating route" when you decide to go a different way. I do that so often that I imagine the owner of the voice grinding her teeth in irritation, trying not to say "Why the f*ck are you using Satnav at all if you're not bothering to follow my instructions, you stupid b*tch!!" It's not often you can ignore electronic  instructions while laughing up your sleeve - try that with your iPad & Apple will make sure everything freezes up bigtime.

Anyway,  enough about cars .Skendall, I don't think you would have a leg to stand on with the police unless you have some evidence, though I understand your frustration. My ex removed his large income & subsequently his large NHS pension from the family coffers to lavish on his new partner who is seriously mean & greedy according to my sons. I don't care for myself, I got a reasonable divorce settlement, but it grieves me that my sons will never inherit any of that money. Instead it will go to her & her children when he dies. She is younger than him so quite likely to inherit.......unless there is a God after al.....

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Bacman, what's a X308R, slushmatic? That is so sweet that your MIL offered you money for cutting the grass. 

2 hours ago, Molly78 said:

I do that so often that I imagine the owner of the voice grinding her teeth in irritation, trying not to say "Why the f*ck are you using Satnav at all if you're not bothering to follow my instructions, you stupid b*tch!!" It's not often you can ignore electronic  instructions while laughing up your sleeve - try that with your iPad & Apple will make sure everything freezes up bigtime.

Made me chuckle, Molly! I don't use the Nav system. It's much too annoying. Plus, the app I use sounds like James Earl Jones. :) 

A world without keys would be so great. The only thing that annoys me about not having to use a key to start the car is that I have to dig them out of the bottom of my purse to open the front door. Getting keyless entry is high on my list of things to purchase. 

@SKendall, I'm so sorry. Divorce is so damn hard. It's really great that you're at a point where you don't have anger anymore. Aren't you going to live near your daughter? Or are you staying in WA? And yes, your living conditions sounded really miserable. Amazing that you made the best of it. 

I don't know about the silver. I agree that unless you have evidence it would be really hard to prove anything. On the other hand, if it's sterling, I think it could be a felony and I would imagine that police take that more seriously, and may actually interview people and try to find the culprit. Maybe? I don't really know, I just hope it works out for you. Isn't something like that covered under your insurance? If you really felt like following up, you could talk to a lawyer, or even just call her and threaten her with legal repercussions if she doesn't give it back. Neither of those options sound very realistic or healthy, though. 

When my MIL moved into her retirement community I helped her pack up her stuff. She was going to get rid of her sterling! That her family brought over from the old country, for crying out loud! I told her that if she needed the money, then we would buy it, but if it wasn't a situation of needing money (and it wasn't, for sure) then she should give it to one of her kids. Which she did, thank goodness. 

@Chuck, how're things? 

@ everyone else, Hulllooooooo.

All things relatively well here. 

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StuckinLA

So sorry about the things @SKendall. Sounds like you're doing the best to move on though and that's good. I don't have any advice really about the silver, though I would imagine it was pawned long ago. Sadly. That whole thing blows.

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Oh, man. Ed and I were invited to a function tomorrow night after a fishing tournament which was sponsored by his company. There are drinks/dinner/celebration with a band we like down at the oceanfront. Sounds fun, so I said sure! Thank goodness he sent me the brochure this morning. 

It's the culmination of a 3 day fishing tournament, where the entry fee is in the thousands of dollars. Just the place to sit around with a (and here I'm going to stereotype and hope none of you are big-game-fisherpeople) with a bunch of overweight, sunburned, middle-aged white guys who have too much money, and like to kill and stuff things. All the while admiring each other for their savvy in catching something very large, with the use of sonar and radar and depth finders and the latest gadgets to hoodwink the prey, while they swallow gallons of gin and scotch, and wines that cost as much as a fantastic pair of boots, while sucking on stogies and admiring each other's trophy wives. 

Oh, yes, I am much too judge-y. Never the less, I dodged a bullet! I'd have to get drunk just to tolerate looking at the sunburns! (SKIN CANCER PEOPLE!)

Hope you guys are planning on a good weekend. :) 

 

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Wow. In one short (for me) post, I managed to be racist, age-ist, anti-fishing, anti-rich-people and anti-overweight-people. Oh! Wait, two more. Anti-tanning (which I won't apologize for, it's not smart) and anti-smoking, which is too hypocritical for words. (Then again, I have absolutely been at functions similar to this one in which people were invited to smoke expensive cigars, gratis, but cigarette smoking was banned. So I'm not the only hypocrite, just one of the many.) 

I'd delete or ameliorate it, but too many of us get email updates, so it would be a moot gesture. 

Now you guys know all my -isms. Or most of 'em anyway. *sigh*

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SKendall

Ne, I'm with you on the stereotype.  I've socialized with these people and when I was younger I experienced the grabbing and come sit in my lap.

Ugh!

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I'm on hold with Amazon chat right now. This has to be one of the best inventions of the digital age. I can actually do things while having a personal interaction with someone to fix my problems in real time while I'm sitting on my back porch. 

Now done with chat. My problem? The answer was literally in a banner at the top of my Kindle screen. I swear, it was almost like having someone tell me to check that the computer was plugged in at the back, which at first is insulting, until you figure out that it's why your computer won't turn on. 

 

 

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I've enjoyed the car comments! I've loved cars since as long as I can remember. I've made a living out of them for the last 21 years (I don't sell or fix them).

I'm guessing Bacman's X308R is a Jag... very nice.

I have two cars and a motorcycle and work cars. I can't justify the cost of having so many vehicles but they make my world sing.

Anyway, after nearly 2 weeks w/o a drink, I got cravings tonight and now I'm drinking. I'm hoping that I can keep it to tonight.

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StuckinLA

Well this week I tossed just about every good habit I'd managed to get into. Still writing every day but very little and not much progress at all. Didn't go to the gym even once this week, and not sure if I will over the weekend either. Watching hours upon hours of television at night, I think I might be close to the U.S. average in hours/day of TV at this point. And yesterday at a memorial for a friend from school I completely ignored my veganish principles and ate free food that was decidedly unvegan. 

Not trying to be some militantly disciplined person or anything, it just seems that once one thing falls off then another falls quickly thereafter and before long the whole thing unravels. But I guess just about anything is better than drinking - even television. 3 weeks AF today.

Hope ya'll are having a good start to the weekend.

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So today I'm 6 weeks AF which I'm sooo pleased about

But,I feel so down which is understandable with all that is going on with my husband.Im having to rethink my future IE can I still keep the mortgage going if he goes away for 12 months and even after that he will come out to no job and not much chance of one with his disability and age.

Now I'm not drinking I have no interest in anything(or is that the Baclofen),don't want to see anyone because of what's happened,not sure if anyone knows or not.

My doctor thinks I'm in Nalmefene and I'm supposed to have counselling to go alongside it but trying to sort that out is like pulling teeth!....signpost prescribed it to me and said they would contact nexus to arrange counselling and I was signed off from them.well nothing came through from them and I told Th doc I was having it.spoke to nexus but they didn't know anything about it and I should contact signpost  again.I swear if I had any other disease I wouldn't be having to make all my own arrangements.

 

 

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Nic, you don't know yet that he will definitely get a prison sentence (do you? I've forgotten the date of the court case I'm afraid).

Sounds like counselling is needed, not for your alcoholism which is under control, but for your low mood.  Anyone would be depressed & anxious in your circumstances, you really need someone to talk to. You don't need an alcoholism counsellor, which is what you're waiting for, you need a general counsellor, you ought to be able to access someone like that quite quickly. You don't have to go via your GP, try googling local services, you might be able to just phone up & make an appointment. Not saying there won't be a waiting list, & yes, you do have to make your own arrangements if you want something to happen quickly, given the current state of the NHS!

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Thanks molly

I just wish I hadn't asked for help with my alcoholism as they havnt helped me at all and now it's on my record.

I just feel so let down by the system now.When I was 9 my mother went to prison for breaking a suspended sentence for shoplifting and she was always very drunk when she was arrested but I never saw anyone in authority and just went to stay with a friend of hers for 3 months .When I was 21 I went to the docs about my anxiety and she diagnosed me with anxiety states(social anxiety) and all she gave me were beta blockers.

Anyway,I'm just feeling low at the moment but I'm sure I'll bounce back and cope,not had a breakdown yet!?

Court apperance is Monday week,the 5th

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Wow you really have some background issues - both a family history of alcoholism & all the shit with attachment caused by your mum going to prison & being out of your life.

Fingers crossed for the 5th.

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That is a full bucket to deal with Nicnak, hectic times. Best of luck. While not drinking may seem boring through all this, I bet it is helping in ways you may or may not appreciate. It would almost certainly be rougher from inside a bottle! It may not feel that way at the time, but...

 

Stuck, I hear you on the drop off once the first good habit slides. I'm in the same boat - I pulled a muscle, so stopped running, so picked up smokes, and am feeling lazier by the day. Heroin habit by tomorrow lunch time at this rate.

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Mom2JTx3

Where is everyone?  It's been so quiet around here.  

I spent some time today on MWO reading old threads when there were lots of people trying Baclofen and having success.  One of those was started by @Ne1 called 'sweet success with Baclofen'.   The stories were amazing.  I didn't get through the whole thread, but for those interested, you can find it here: http://www.mywayout.org/community/medication-research-and-support/43945-sweet-success-baclofen.html

 

 

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idefineme

Yes, it's been very quiet around here.  Thanks for the link, @Mom2JTx3, I like reading the success stories and finding out how different people did things.  

It's a beautiful morning here in Minnesota.  Just drove my daughter to work with the windows down, how I love hearing the frogs and crickets make their amazing sounds!  

Hope everybody is doing well.

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StuckinLA

Well good news is I haven't picked up heroin yet, @bleep. ;) Still not going much to the gym the past week and a half, still watching too much TV at night, and eating way too many M&Ms. 

That's about it. Very boring here, which is probably why I'm not posting much. Trying to get out of the apartment a little here and there in the afternoons, even if just for a coffee and a bit of reading somewhere besides at home. Trying to avoid a lot of the things I use to waste time - like this 2 hour news program that runs every weekday in the afternoon. It doesn't tell me anything I haven't already heard elsewhere during the day, yet I sit with it on in the background and kind of veg out. Trying to stop that.

Well, hope everybody is doing well.

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Jetsman32

Hi everyone. Nicnak, really sorry about your situation. I hope it turns out for the best. Hopefully prison is avoided. I know it's hard but try to stay positive.

Mom- I'm going to read though that thread this afternoon. Slow at work so some uplifting stories will be helpful. Also wanted to say thank you for your advice on titrating up on high levels of Baclofen. I've followed your advice to a T and had no issues. Much appreciated.

Stuck congrats on the 3 weeks- that is awesome! I just sent you an IM before I ready your post- probobly should have done that in reverse :)

Barnes and Noble is a great place to go and read. They have those big comfy chairs and all the newest books. You can read there all day and they won't throw you out. At my last job we'd have days were the afternoons were dead and our boss would tell us to disappear for 2-3 hours, I always went to Barnes and Noble. Put down quite a few Stephen King books that way. I have a rule also- I never buy books new anymore. I only pick them up at yardsales if they are super cheap. My kids love Barnes and Noble so when we go there I take pictures of the books they want on my phone and then we get them at the library. Yes, that's probobly cheating but I save a ton of cash!

BTW- you can never watch too much TV. There are just way to many good shows to keep up on and it sure beats the alternative of being drunk! For some reason over the last two weeks my wife has me stuck on watching shows like snapped and killer wives. I've never liked stuff like that in the past but now I can't get enough of it. True crime is my new love I guess.

Lately now that I'm not drinking I have found that I've lost interest in a lot of things that I used to love as well. Ive always been a big gamer- love the hell out of my PS4. However, since starting Baclofen I've had zero interest in video games. I haven't touched thing (except to watch Netflix) in over a month. Just weird. 

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