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The End of my Addiction
Stevo

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Stevo

I have been off the air and drunk most days for the last 7 or so months.

I have begun to make posts on here but wound up deleting them and walking away.

Some of the guys on here may know me from MWO,I am on day 1 again and thought to myself that it was time to posts on here.

Hoping to find some support but not looking for positive affirmations and fairy floss.

I hope all are well out there that I used to regularly communicate with.

Cheers Stevo.

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Molly78

Yes, welcome Stevo. I remember you & used to enjoy your posts on MWO.

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idefineme

welcome Stevo, I do remember you from MWO as well. Hang tough and stay close!

 

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Stevo

I wound up in an AA meeting last night lol but I stayed sober.Back home today and drinking again.

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StuckinLA

Hang in there, Stevo. Hope things sort out for you soon - keep posting and, in the language of AA, keep coming back. We're here to support you however we can.

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Stevo

Cheers Stuck,I offended all the older sobers in the AA meeting the other night.They were not too happy to have someone who knew as much about the big book as they did say the things that I said.I did have a guy quietly come up to me at the end to say that he was grateful to have heard me share.This aside it is not my intention to cause uproar and I am still drinking.

I will keep coming back but not to AA meetings ;)

 

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Ne1

Hi, Stevo. Glad you've joined us, but sorry for the reason. 

I'm anxious to attend some AA meetings, but I'm also anxious about attending them. I miss the rooms in so many ways. And I loathe the rhetoric that, in my opinion, keeps people sick. Never the less, I use and think about the slogans and that same rhetoric all the time. Ameisen said that he couldn't really put the steps into practice until after he'd gotten sober with baclofen. I feel the same way. Not necessarily about the steps, but about managing life in general. (And the steps are beautiful, in a way. I just don't think they keep people sober. It didn't work for me, or for Ameisen, or most people in general.) The very last thing I want to do is to create an uproar that might disrupt the meetings, but I also feel like AA needs to be disrupted so they get out of the 1930s mentality. And I, too, know the Big Book very, very well. Anyway...

What's your plan? Have you made one yet? It's great that you didn't drink the night you went to the AA meeting. So maybe it wasn't a waste of time after all? But whatever works for you... You know how these forums work and that we're here and will offer the support we can, without the "fairy floss". Lol. 

Hope today is a good one, Stevo. Hang in there. It works if you work it. ;) (I couldn't resist! HA!) 

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StuckinLA
4 hours ago, Ne1 said:

Ameisen said that he couldn't really put the steps into practice until after he'd gotten sober with baclofen. I feel the same way. Not necessarily about the steps, but about managing life in general.

It works if you work it. ;) (I couldn't resist! HA!) 

At a meeting one time someone said "This program works a lot better if you don't drink."

Almost fell off my chair laughing. That about sums up the whole thing, doesn't it? :) 

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Ne1
5 hours ago, StuckinLA said:

At a meeting one time someone said "This program works a lot better if you don't drink."

Almost fell off my chair laughing. That about sums up the whole thing, doesn't it? :) 

That is really funny. 

I had a sponsor once who was amazed that AA no longer allows (or approves of, I guess) people who are drunk. I mean, where else should a drunk be? That said, the meetings he ran were a bit more raucous and perhaps not as productive, if someone was drunk-crying in their seat or spewing random drunken stuff. It was difficult to curtail...

@Stevo, What's news? 

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atmwizard1

It's kind of like an old movie. Walking though a city in which you know someone should be and yet there is no one. where have yall gone?

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Ne1

Hi, @atmwizard1. The way it works is that you post something, knowing that sooner (hopefully) or later, someone will read it and respond. You can start a thread and introduce yourself, either in the General Discussion area or in the Newbies Nest area. It's the button at the top of the page that says, "Start New Topic". You can also participate in other threads, wherever you're comfortable. We "Check in" on this thread:

But you can really participate anywhere you like. Including here! 

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Ne1
1 minute ago, atmwizard1 said:

It's kind of like an old movie. Walking though a city in which you know someone should be and yet there is no one. where have yall gone?

We're here! We're just not all here at the same time! 

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Rusty

Atmwizard-WELCOME!!  Ne said you used to be on MWO, but I am so sorry, I don't remember you.    Please refresh my feeble memory.  How are you doing?  Are you drinking, AF (alcohol-free), drinking-struggling to quit...it does not matter.  Please let us know how we can help, and PM me ANYTIME!

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Stevo

Sorry I haven't replied to you guys.I have been wasted.I am trying something that has dramatically increased my drinking...it could be insanity? I am thinking that the meds thread might be a better place to explain.

Is this like MWO or can we mention meds anywhere without fear of persecution? LOL

Drinking again today,thanks for all the responses.

Stuck,I love the ridiculous stuff that gets said in AA meetings.The sheer absurdity is priceless.

Ne and Idefineme apologies for taking so long to get back.

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Ne1

This whole forum is the equivalent (only much better! ?) of the meds section on MWO. 

Persecution isn't permitted. Post away!

Im really, really sorry to hear you're not doing well. IMHO, it helps to talk (or rather write) about it.

We're here Stevo, and ready when you are.  

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Lostinspace

Stevo - I’m really glad to “see” you, but I’m sorry you're struggling right now. And sorry for my late entrance to your thread. I’ve been dealing with my own sh*t recently and haven’t been checking in or posting. As Ne said, there’s no fear of persecution here for ANY reason, whether it’s meds-related or not. This place is actively moderated and there hasn’t been a troll yet (nor will there ever be). So feel free to post about anything. We’re all here to help.

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Stevo

Thanks LIS, how are you?Apologies for the dramatic entrance.I am glad to be on here and am hoping to post some positive things soon.

Experimenting with bac and I think that the effects are self explanatory.

 

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Stevo

Thanks LIS, how are you?Apologies for the dramatic entrance.I am glad to be on here and am hoping to post some positive things soon.

Experimenting with bac and I think that the effects are self explanatory.

 

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Lostinspace

You have no need to apologize for anything, Stevo! You weren’t being dramatic, you were just telling us what you’re going through. That’s what this place is for. As for me, I went through an unfortunate period of depression after getting laid off from my job, but I’m doing much better the last several days after getting away for a nice vacation in the Adirondacks. It really helped change my perspective on things and I’m getting my energy back and actually facing life now little by little, which is good. I’m glad to hear you’re experimenting with bac to find something that works again. Are you dealing with any side effects or is it easier now that you’re a bac “pro?”

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Stevo

LOL LIS a bac pro haha.

I am actually titrating down to 0 again which I think could be insanity but I am doing for a few different reasons and then I plan to titrate back up.I have completely drank through my switch and am on the so called AL roller coaster.I have noticed my drinking increase as I taper down,it really is quite interesting to experience yet not in a good way.The only SE is drinking larger quantities.

I still get bac on prescription but only a certain amount over a period of time and am thinking if I can stock pile what I have I can get a better head start.

Sorry to hear about your job and depression,my company fell apart when my family did and I am and have been in the throws of depression for coming on a year now,it is no fun at all.

I will be starting a new job in a couple of weeks back doing what I used to do which is a bitter sweet situation for me but I am hoping that it will be a step in the right direction.

It's great to be in contact with you guys again and I will keep checking in whenever I can.

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Lostinspace

Hey Stevo - I’m so sorry for the late response. The last couple days have been a little hectic with job interviews (and me spending all day/night preparing for them by practicing my answers to the 50 most common interview questions!). Anyway, that sounds like a reasonable plan. If bac wasn’t doing for you what it used to because you drank right through it, it probably would help to get a fresh start and try again. I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with depression, too. It’s a terrible place to be. As bitter sweet as it might be, I hope that getting back into work might help lift you up a bit. I know you used to love your business (at least until it became so busy that your passion felt like a chore!), so maybe you can start to rekindle that passion again once you get into it for a while.

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Stevo

Thanks LIS. I am pretty drunk right now and had to open my computer for other stuff, I don't do the computer like I used to but I do see your responses on my phone. How times have changed ;) I hope you're well, I will try to be more in touch but it's not so easy at the moment.

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Stevo

Quick update...

I am still tapering down and strangely enough my drinking has decreased lately(not sure what to make of that.)

I am on 110 at the moment and will drop another increment in the next couple of days.No ill effects to talk about,I honestly haven't noticed any withdrawal symptoms at all.I am going ver slowly though.

Still drinking each night but as I said in the last week or so it has been less.About 8 beers instead of 15-16.

I hope all are well and will drop in again soon.

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Stevo

Quick update, my drinking is up and down but my bac dose is definitely down. 

I am on 85mg a day still with no adverse effects. I will go down another 10 in about a week, hoping the drinking stays as it has been which is better than it has been for a while.

Hope that everyone is well out there.

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Jetsman32

Hi 

@Stevo Welcome! This forum has been a lifesaver for me. I've been an active member for a little more than 4 months and have been indifferent to alcohol for 30 days now! This is a great place to gather input so ask for advice at will. Sorry you are struggling right now but it will get better. Curious why you are going down on your baclofen dose? Is it the side-effects? Generally people don't hit indifference until 200+ - in my case my indifference dose is 310mgs per day.If it is a case of not having enough, Goldpharma.com has great prices on 10 and 25mgs Baclofen Blister Packs. I relied heavily on them until I finally got my prescription. Anyway- glad to have you here!

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