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The End of my Addiction

Checking In - February 2017


Mom2JTx3
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Now that I think of it, there probably will never be a good study or source showing DXM's suitability for alcohol overuse.

In my long-winded explanations I've mentioned that DXM is actually two drugs in one, DXM plus the highly active metabolite DXO. DXM is the antidepressant and slight mu opioid receptor agonist. DXO is an NMDA-receptor antagonist (that name being most of what I know about it) and produces the dissociative/psychedelic/trippy effects.

Everything's on a scale, to loosely quote Shakespeare nothing's inherently good or bad only thinking makes it so, but the way I used DXM to treat my alcohol problem, almost by accident I hope I've made clear, was squarely on the trippy side. Individuals can do that, researchers can't. There's no way to standardize a trip, control for all variables, get solid objective data, and package it into a nice little report that will advance one's career. There's also the element of fear or stigma. So all in all there's little incentive. There have been successful clinical trials of Ketamine and even MDMA and the hard-to-pronounce shroom chemical, but they've all been for depression or PTSD, not alcohol overuse.

My miracle "aha" moment that forever changed my drinking was achieved in a dissociative state, one could say that DXM worked "indirectly" in that manner by bringing me to that tremendous insight. That's not to say there aren't direct effects. The direct chemical antidepressant effect, combined with the insight, is what empowered me to go 60 days alcohol free when I had never done more than 14. But the combo of direct/indirect effects is hard to market. Furthermore, while depression is closely linked, both clinically and empirically from many users here, to alcohol overuse, they are distinct conditions and the trial results for one cannot necessarily translate to the other. So what we have here is a few parallel chains but no link connecting them.

But, that's what I'm for. I'm convinced of this. And DXM has the advantage of being legal and non-controlled, and from what I hear and remember (I've used Ketamine), K is more of a full-body high party drug, while you would never want to attend a party on DXM; it lends itself to calmer, more introverted uses. So I can say with a high degree of certainty that even if K gets the green light for depression, it doesn't give as much of an insight-reaching power, and thus wouldn't likely be effective for treating the much more tangly condition of alcohol overuse.

So again it's my thing to prove and I'm thrilled to take on the challenge. As I said in an earlier post I want to work very closely with any "test patients", talking, Skypeing, even travel for patients whose temperament and condition closely match mine. I inherited some money a year ago from my grandmother and have barely made a dent in it, and most of the principal was really from her husband's, my grandfather's, income, my beloved grandfather Charles from whom I take my middle name and nickname "Chuck". And he, like me, was heavily influenced by the bottle, not a full-on alcoholic but predisposed to drunken rages. So it would be beautifully fitting for me to use the money for this research. Lastly I must disclose once again that I am not a doctor nor do I have any medical training from an accredited institution.

So to wrap this up, if you'd love to try, I'd love it too, and every step will be taken to ensure your utmost safety and comfort.

Later this month or next I'm gonna hire a videographer to film a trip start-to-finish, showing it all, unfiltered, so you can see more directly what all the fuss is about.

My very best, Christopher/Chuck

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Morning (or afternoon)! Another mild day here before we make a brief drop into the 30's (0-4 °C) which is still not much to complain about for Jan/Feb. The air is so dry though - got a terrible nosebleed last night during dinner, luckily I was dining at home in my PJ's!

Edited by Chuck
added "or afternoon" and changed January to Jan/Feb
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Well, it's February!  Glad to see you all.

I managed to get out and lie in the sun for half an hour today.  When it's not raining the sun is still scorching but there is a dusting of snow on the mountains here.  We decided to landscape the garden and put a proper patio in so that we are not surrounded by "hard landscaping" ie., a sea of gravel. lol  It's very hard on the feet getting around in the summer in bare feet on hot stones all the time.

We got through Christmas, sort of.  I really can't remember that much about it to be frank.  We were suppose to go to Burns night on Saturday but the stress of getting ready for it put my other half into a tail spin and she didn't make it out the door.  She recovered the next day but has been pretty poorly from Monday through to today. It's largely a result of a lot of family problems with her mother having developed very serious dementia issues, seeing people and going out of the house in the middle of the night, calling the police for no reason etc etc. 

 

I had mentioned that her mother was duped of all her savings over the phone but the banks rolled everything back and put the money back in her account after about 10 months of investigation.  That, at least, was a relief but we have no idea how to help her with her condition which could be a form of bereavement hallucination or some other Alzheimer-like condition.  It's been diagnosed as Lewy body disease which is a form of Alzheimer's. The family reaction to baclofen has been so piss poor that I am not even going to mention that baclofen and Campral are now being used to treat this, and I don't think a doctor in the UK will pick this up and run with it.

I just bought some Seroquel for my wife as she seems to have other issues and doesn't sleep well.  Gave her some today.

 

I haven't been posting that much because things have been pretty much ok.  The few relapses seem to result from acutely stressful situations.  I think the real problem with baclofen is in management, not efficacy and it is so easy, and deadly, to miss a dose or not adjust to take into account additional stresses.   And, of course, one does tend to think that because one is not drinking one can just pick up where one left of, lead a normal life with all the day to day stresses and everything will just be hunky dory and that is not the case.  Baclofen lures one into a false sense of security but it's a daily battle even after years on the drug.

 

Anyway, I have also decided to use the Wordpress site I set up after OA agreed that I could set up a charity in his name.  I still have the .org address:  https://theameisenfoundation.org/   I was using the site just to dump information but I will start to expand on the ideas i wrote about and spoke about at the colloquium in Paris.  I find it helps to get things off my chest and I'd rather do that in a more focused environment than a support forum.  

I've decided to concentrate on the legal and ethical issues surrounding baclofen treatment rather than post about my wife.  I don't think it's fair to her to talk about her publicly so I'll just nurse that situation as best I can.  We have no problem here getting any medication.  Baclofen and all the other AL drugs can be bought here over the counter without a prescription and others, such as valium, which require a prescription can be bought if one produces a passport to the pharmacist who then asks a friendly doctor to issue a prescription over the phone.  It's all private and loosely regulated and so long as you're not asking for huge amounts of anything, you can get what you like.  I am seeing a different side to private v. public medicine.  For us, the NHS was a complete and utter fail and created more problems than it solved. 

So, that's me...

 

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Hi @Otter.  I'm glad to hear that things are going well.  That's good news to hear about your MIL.  I remember when that happened.  

I think it would be great to continue on with https://theameisenfoundation.org/  You have done so much work with respect to Baclofen.  Keep us updated on what you're working on.

Thanks,

Linda

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Thanks @M2jtx3.   It's been pretty rough going on the domestic front.  I think we are in a "post Ameisen" age.   A lot of people have moved on after recovering and a lot are probably struggling with relapse. And, there's still no decent medical response.  

I keep coming back to the thought of "what did you know and when did you know it" in relation to doctors.  Reckitt Benckeiser is moving on with the development of a baclofen base treatment for alcoholism and other addictions to replace Subudone.  If and when that is released  a lot of doctors will be asked about  baclofen and they may have to answer the question, "why didn't you know about baclofen earlier since it's the same thing?" .  It may be that right now it's okay for a doctor to refuse to use it but there is a six year period during which anyone can sue their doctor for negligence and doctors may be asked why they didn't know about it sooner and if they did know about it, why the heck didn't they prescribe it for a patient who has been suffering for a long time.  All professionals have to keep up with developments in medicine and it's very hard in legal cases to hide behind ignorance as a result of a complete failure to even look into new methods of combatting alcoholism.  I think there are a huge number of doctors who actually now know about this drug but are just closing their eyes and plugging their ears.  Who knows...  Time will tell, I suppose but I'm trying to alert people to this in key positions who have a duty to notify the profession.  Ditto lawyers who are representing  people with criminal or family cases where alcoholism is a supposed "cause" of their problems or who are being told it is the cause when it may be they have an underlying neurological condition and just couldn't help themselves.  That is what my paper's thesis is and the research I did pointed to limbic system disorder being the cause of violent crime, not alcohol consumption.  In fact, there is just no evidence that alcohol causes violent behaviour or child neglect.  It's associated with it, and makes things worse, of course, but it's not a cause, nor is "mental illness".   Nor, until now, has there been anything you could put before a court as a solution to the problem for the individual or family, so it's a heck of a difficult issue.  

I had written my paper and then I read it and it didn't hang together.  I was saying in it that because of the association between violent crime and alcoholism, baclofen provided a way of addressing the consequences, but then I did some research into violent crime and I discovered that there is a whole load of academic, scientific research into the cause of violent crime and those two points stood out like a sore thumb.  There's simply no scientific basis for saying that alcohol consumption causes people behave violently, on the one hand, and there is a huge amount of research showing that violent behaviour is a product of limbic system disorder and even brain damage to the limbic system, which is the same area that Ameisen focuses on.   It's a disorder of the "fight or flight" mechanism in the brain.  If it is out of whack, you get overreaction to real or perceived threats.  Initially you reach out for a drink because it acts to reduce anxiety, but as it takes over other areas of the brain, you become unable to think properly and the anxiety takes over. It's a very deep-seated animal instinct. 

Of course, it's a very novel and undeveloped idea so it didn't go down hugely well but a few people at the colloquium saw what I was getting at and took the idea to some high ranking police and judicial officials in Paris and ran it by them.   They had no answers to it.  Mystified, probably. lol

 

Anyway, we shall see where it takes me. Took two years to write the thing and I'm glad that is over and I got it off my chest.

Best

Otter

 

PS. I'm now unbanned from MWO.  hmmm..... think I'll not go back to the bad old days.  Not good for my mental health.

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17 hours ago, Felina said:

Hi Otter,

I am also happy to hear about your mother-in-law getting her money back. Also glad that things have been going well, for the most part.

Thanks @Felina, yes, that was a relief.  

Still struggling, I'm afraid, but the "will" is there to succeed and that's half the battle.  More like 90% actually.  Wish there was some medical backup.  I guess that it will be another 10 years before there is a really good approach to alcoholism rehab using meds like baclofen for the general public.  

My son has suffered a lot this last few months. His grades dropped significantly.  He has become more reclusive, having taken up on-line games...Overwatch, I think it's called.  It seems to be all about shooting people up.  I have no idea how to deal with it.  15 is a lousy year for boys and he's in "grade 10" so everything is more difficult.  I just hope he'll buckle down.

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Here's a link to the house project which some Russians are building next to us.  http://sea-breeze.bx-consult.com/  olive orchard and mountains are the view from the back of the house but our bit of the view is now being built on as well so we have construction everywhere what with having decided to landscape the garden.  All these men working around the house, probably about 15 some days is causing a lot of stress.  We had no one around us and now we have people looking into our back garden every day. We've decided to put in conifer hedging.  Hope it grows fast.

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Wow, sea-breeze looks impressive - you can barely get a rabbit hutch in London for £250K!  Not that that's any consolation for you if it spoils your view.  Maybe your new neighbours will be nice people who will let you use their swimming pool!

Your problems with your son sound like the sort of thing many parents of a 15 yo are dealing with.  Online games are a type of addiction, aren't they?  Just as people who aren't alcohol addicted can't see why we can't just "stop drinking", parents can't see why their 15 yo can't just get a life.  No useful advice here - I was lucky enough to raise my boys before computer games took over teenagers' lives.

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Hi Molly

We're ok.  They are beside us so we look out to the mountains at the back and the sea on the other side.  It's us who are spoiling their view.  

I was amazed when we came here.  We paid half what we sold our semi in Glasgow for to get a house  much bigger than SeaBreeze and we have a 10 Metre swimming pool on a quarter of an acre. (They aren't putting in a swimming pool)  I can't figure out who built our place, probably some drug dealers hiding some cash but we got it for a song because it was rented out to an estate agent who deliberately let it go to rack and ruin and told all his estate agent friends not to sell it so he could push the price down and buy it himself.  We saw a similar house and were thinking of buying it as an investment and then I spotted ours on a website.  I had to look hard because it was overgrown and the pool was abandoned but after some weeding and a bit of DIY it scrubbed up very well. When we bought it, the "owners" came over and they were a couple of working class stiffs. He was a meter reader for British Gas, bald with tattoos.  I asked them where they went for holidays since their house was rented out all year round and they said, Magaluf...  When we started negotiating the price they said they would have to consult with others, like they were just fronting someone else. Very suspicious and they never managed to finish off the paperwork on the construction of the house so I had to complete the surveys for planning permission because the house didn't show up on the government title system and we were legally only buying an olive orchard.  The next door house is not going to have a swimming pool and we are going to "build a wall" of conifers to block their sea views. lol   I like the idea of a wooden house.  Most houses here are concrete and brick and they are freezing cold at night and in the day it's warmer outside than in.  I sat down with my son a couple of nights ago and had a go at him.  He will get up on a Saturday and stay on the computer until he goes to bed at night.  He completely ignores me and when I asked him why shooting up figures on a computer screen was more important than anything else and I was getting all his meals etc and he did nothing at all besides the game he looked down and said he was busy with the game. It's infuriating and I have no patience at all. 

You can get a flat here for under 50K or a traditional house  and you can get a huge building plot for around 20K.  If the north and south of the island reunite the prices could double so it can be a good investment but there's no end in sight to the reunification negotiations and it has to go through a referendum and the Greeks hate the Turks with a passion.  Also, there are huge pitfalls buying here and you end up most of the time with some kind of problem, and most houses are built on abandoned Greek Cypriot land so there is a compensation scheme set up to pay the previous Greek owners.  There's a lot of argy bargy over this and it is a bit disconcerting if you take it too seriously because the Greeks all think that they are going to come back and get their properties back.  A lot of the land here is going to be handed back but not ones with new houses built on them so we will be ok.  If not we'll move somewhere even cheaper.  I keep suggesting to my wife that we'll move to Syria because it's not far from here and not much interest from foreigners.  She's not convinced.  

 

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On 2/3/2017 at 5:51 PM, Otter said:

.  He will get up on a Saturday and stay on the computer until he goes to bed at night.  He completely ignores me and when I asked him why shooting up figures on a computer screen was more important than anything else and I was getting all his meals etc and he did nothing at all besides the game he looked down and said he was busy with the game. It's infuriating and I have no patience at all. 

I think that's sort of what I meant about it being an addiction.  Imagine sitting down with an alcoholic & asking "why drinking all day is more important than anything else?"  They wouldn't be able to tell you why - just that it is!

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What's up, February?

Lord, are we really almost a week in already? Nothing much going on here, just working on job applications this weekend and trying to get my pudgy self to the gym. I have zero concentration these days, very little motivation, and without doing anything all day I still manage to be tired as hell by early evening. Not drinking, at least. In a couple days it will be 60 AF.

Don't get me wrong, been thinking about drinking off and on more than I'd like. Hanging in there, though. Hope ya'll are doing the same, or better.

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On 2/5/2017 at 5:42 PM, Molly78 said:

I think that's sort of what I meant about it being an addiction.  Imagine sitting down with an alcoholic & asking "why drinking all day is more important than anything else?"  They wouldn't be able to tell you why - just that it is!

Well, yes, I have that conversation with both my son and my wife. Neither of them have an answer.  I can't even have a discussion about it. They don't seem to be able to see the issue. It just is, as you say. 

I find my son's situationn hugely frustrating, but I blame, well, everyone, including myself.  

I didn't realize when I met my wife, what her physical condition meant.  She had suffered a stroke and had some limitation on her left side and she was recently divorced.  She was trying to sell her house because she wanted to move back to Scotland and her kids had gone back to go to school after the divorce etc and she had been having a rough time. I thought that things would settle down after we got together and she became less anxious.  She was a bit of a binge drinker, time of the month, that sort of thing and had huge problems with temper around that time, for a few days a month.  These went away when she fell pregnant so I figured it was "hormonal".  The social services had intervened on a voluntary basis with her kids and organized their return to Scotland because of issue over her former boyfriend who ended up going to jail for six months for assaulting her.  

 

Because of this history, the social services, upon learning that she was pregnant, decided that our child should also be under their purview.  We had letters and visits from about the six month mark of the pregnancy and this didn't help as it continued from thereon and just made her more and more anxious.   Things got worse and when our son was 3 we moved to Scotland.  I had been told to put my son into a nursery from the age of 18 months and I had to drop him off at 8 am and I picked him up at 6 pm.  When we go to Scotland, this continued, and the situation got worse.  i had to agree to put him in a nursery and I also had to agree that at no time would he be exposed to my wife in an alcoholic state or be left alone with her, ever. In other words, I was told the only way we could continue as a family was if I had effective custody and kept our son away from my wife at all times, that they were never to be alone together.  What that resulted in was devastating for my wife, psychologically. She was effectively made into a stranger in her own family.  Things got worse for a few years and I really thought she was going to die from alcoholism.  I would get my son from nursery and put him in a room at home with the TV on so he could watch children's shows and then sort out dinner and look after my wife, who was bedridden most of the time, usually about three out of every four weeks.  Her only periods of sobriety were when she became so ill from drinking that she became physically ill and she would have a few days of vomiting and then a few days where she was sober and relatively ok, and would swear never to drink again, but would stock up on booze within a few days.  

 

For my son, it meant he was raise pretty much by me, but I would leave him on his own almost all the time because I was always having to work around the house or look after my wife, or be too exhausted to do anything with him.  I took him to football and coached on a Saturday morning and took him swimming, but that was about it.  I don't feel a great bond with him.  I suppose I have seen him as someone I have to protect and I have seen his mother as more of a "patient".  I became her registered carer in the end.  I just feel that he has developed a very isolated personality.  I wouldn't know how to diagnose it.  I feel his development, emotionally and intellectually, may have been affected.  He has no desire to do anything outside the house, never played with kids in the neighbourhood.  We did buy him a bicycle and after my wife began recovering, we would take him out to a National Trust house and let him ride around on the weekends.   

 

I have mixed feelings about it.  He can do well at school.  He was the worst kid in the class academically in Scotland.  At age 10 he could not do any of the times tables except the 2x and 5x.  He was being bullied relentlessly by another child, never did any school assignments.  I had to do them all for him.  Here, last year, he had an 87% average and is now studying Turkish and German.  He was doing French as well but wasn't doing so well.  He gets 100% on his Art exams, for some reason.  I can't see it at all.  I don't think he has any artistic ability at all but his teacher thinks he is "magic".  The curriculum here is much more rigourous than Scotland as well. They have four sets of exams a year with study weeks and they do the Cambridge curriculum, I think they call it.  He does go sailing in the summer so that is one thing, but the rest of the time he just sits on his bed from morning to night playing video games.

 

I keep thinking I can tweek this situation and it's all going to fall into place. Maybe I'll buy a table tennis table???   I try to interest him in things on Youtube.  Even the swimming pool doesn't attract him.  I give up.  I picked up his history book and tried to go through a bit of it with him before the last exam, asked him a few questions, about the rise of Hitler etc.  He could barely describe who he was or what Mussolini was so I got upset and told him to read the thing properly.  He just sat with the book open, while still playing video games.  He got 47% on the exam.  That is typical. Whenever I tried to study with him he would do worse.  I gave up and my wife studied with him and then his grades went up and he got an Honours certificate last year.  

What the H.  I have no idea what I am doing. I can't engage with him.  Things have been so bad since about October time that my wife hasn't helped him study at all.  it may be that going from the lower school into year 10 there is a big change in the difficulty of the course material. They do fewer courses but it seems the exams are of higher degree of difficulty. Or maybe teen aged boys are just 'thick" and more interested in games.  Who knows.  Maybe it's me and I expect to much.  I was very keen to do well at school at that age for some reason.  

Maybe I should read a book on it???  I have to say that I had an older brother who dragged me up and my father was an ex-Fleet Air Arm/rugby scrum half/tennis player, all rounder and my mother and her side of the family were exceptionally bright academically.   I, on the other hand, have married an alcoholic and spend a lot of my time just moping about feeling sorry for myself. Hmmmm.....

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I have to post this. 

We've had  a serious relapse, now over.   What happens takes me back to when we started using baclofen and just couldn't figure out what the dosage was, when to take it etc etc.  It was all totally baffling and could have made us give up on it.

So, my wife ran out of booze. Seems she snuck out and got a supply of vodka and went through it and after a few days, nearly a week, started to come to her senses.  I said to her that it seems the idea of getting her onto Campral didn't work. Then she said that the day she bought the booze  was the day she stopped taking Campral.  She thought she had run out of it.  I found it and she's now back to normal, sane and sober. 

The problem with treatment of alcoholism with baclofen has always been that it's impossible to say with any exactness precisely what is going on in the brain of someone taking it. There are simply too many unknowns and to truly understand what was going on, one would have to develop a real time portable brain scanning device.  Without that, one is simply relying on guessing what is going on in the brain, and trial and error, essentially guesswork.  On top of that, the external factors which affect the need for increased dosage are random and unquantifiable in their effects.

The subtlety of all of this is something which is on the one hand extremely difficult to deal with and on the other hand, leads to a view that the drug doesn't work and a lot of disparagement for people who support its use for constantly saying that the dosage must be the problem.

I remember reading in the Merck Manual or somewhere, that in very serious cases of alcoholism, detox must be undertaken in hospitals.  My view is that this is such a serious issue, that all detox using drugs should be conducted by doctors, preferably in a hospital and there must be a stronger push to get this drug accepted for use and to get government to insist that alcoholics be given equal rights along with other people suffering from other "treatable" illnesses. It simply is not right that the progress towards a public medicine response is being left to be blown about by the winds of public opinion in a few news articles and social media forums, and there is no real effort at all except in France, to take this seriously. It is a shame, a disgrace and it has to stop.

Edited by Otter
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I want to say something also about the attitude some 12 steppers take towards baclofen users.  They complain that the meds crowd will say, "just take more baclofen" if someone complains it isn't working.

I find that annoying, insulting and false.  We all have spent collectively tens of thousands of hours on the forums, researching, dealing with dosage.  We understand the difficulties of getting it right. People coming to it for the first time don't understand the difficulties that the treatment regime and the lack of medical response presents.  

So, after all this, one gets a comment that we're somehow to be faulted for simply repeating advice "take more" suggests to me that the people saying this, the people who haven't tried it, doubt it, nay say and disparage drug treatment, have no idea what they are talking about and are proceeding in total ignorance.

Baclofen treatment may be extraordinarily tricky to master but for some/most alcoholism untreated is a terrifying descent into an abyss which has a painful death at its bottom.  I make this point because it's really important in what is for a lot of baclofen users a life-long treatment, that the help out there gets better and people are not forced by this illness to give up careers, spend all of their time dealing with the illness and its treatment with no help at all.  And, the last thing I want to do is to go  back to a place where I have to listen to people who disparage what we are doing, and display their own ignorance of what "dose dependent" means, when they abuse us by saying we are repeating a mantra, "take more".  It' not that simple and no one says it is.  

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Well, things have moved on.  One of the big problems we have had is with the wreckage this illness has caused in our family life.   Over the weekend we found out that my wife's other daughter is coming here to live, with her husband, permanently.  And, so is my mother in law.  We put a deposit on an apartment just up the road from us for her and we will have to hire a carer to live with her as she is pretty far gone mentally.  This means that my wife who is the eldest child is now back in control of her family and is now going to be looking after her own mum and will have both of her daughters and all the grandkids nearby.  Wow!.  

 

I said to her today,  "You won".  She got her health back and has now had everything handed over to her that she had wanted for so long.  Not sure we'll cope but psychologically it has been a huge shift from when no one would entrust her with anything and no one wanted to have anything to do with her or us. 

It's so painful to have an illness used against you.  She always said it was not the alcohol but an anxiety disorder and the shunning by the whole family made things 1000 times worse for us.  

Watch this space.  The good thing is that the MIL is selling up which frees up a lot of cash and she has a good pension so we should be able to provide her with a good life here.  Up until now my wife had the feeling she was going to be disinherited which caused massive anxiety.  Now she can control her mother's finances and since her mother is now unable to make a will since she is pretty much gaga, there's no chance of her disinheriting my wife.  Such a relief.   I don't think it has sunk in yet.  We've got to get her in to a neurologist because she's been diagnosed with Lewey body sndrome which is Alzheimers.  There's a new treatment for it as well....a combo of baclofen and Campral.  Funny thing isn't it?  But, in the UK, she didn't even get a neurological referral.  Here you can see a neurologist without a referral by dropping into a local hospital and paying about £50.  

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@Otter Wow!  Unbelievable.  When I first read that she was coming I thought 'oh no'  she has been so miserable to you both in the past.  However if it's what your wife wants, then more power to her.  Good luck.  It's not easy dealing dealing with someone with Alzheimer's  Remember what happened to me with all the stress!  Tell your wife to watch out for that.  L theanine  for stress. :) 

 

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10 hours ago, Mom2JTx3 said:

@Otter Wow!  Unbelievable.  When I first read that she was coming I thought 'oh no'  she has been so miserable to you both in the past.  However if it's what your wife wants, then more power to her.  Good luck.  It's not easy dealing dealing with someone with Alzheimer's  Remember what happened to me with all the stress!  Tell your wife to watch out for that.  L theanine  for stress. :) 

 

Thanks.  Yes, it's a worry.  But there was no choice.  There's only one sister back home and she works so there's no one to look after her and she's taken to doing dangerous things with the stove and to going outside with her suitcase. She seems not to know where she is and thinks there are people living in the attic.  At least there will be six adults her and a carer to look after her.  I am hoping that her stress levels will reduce from having full time care in her apartment and she will be able to think straight.  The weather in Glasgow is so dismal with so little sun that it may affect her.   This family issue has been the worst aspect of the illness since the response is always that it is a failure of willpower.  They still don't accept it and jump on any relapse as vidication of the years of abuse and scorn they piled on her.   It's so isolating to be left caring for someone who is so desperately ill and the family are the worst in terms of sympathy.  My parent and my brother were very supportive, no matter what.  They just weren't judgemental at all about it but her family are the sort who have to be in the front pew of the church and this was a major embarrassment for them so took out their frustrations on her.  Typical, unfortunately.  I can't say i hold out much hope and it could turn into a long term agony, but my wife is very excited.  She feels needed again. We'll see how long it lasts. I think all children crave their parents approval and she never got it.  Probably the root cause of her problems, frankly.  Oh well...watch this space.  lol

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6 hours ago, Otter said:

Is it just you and me here these days?  Seems awfully quiet.  

I've been checking in occasionally and meaning to post- but I got myself into a pretty shitty situation last month which just recently got partially resolved. I'd rather not say anything until I know I'm out of the woods. 

 

At this point I can just say that my risk tolerance and long term outlook are going to be much different in the future. Life did not turn out to be the clever little science project I could plan on a spreadsheet like I was hoping for. 

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10 hours ago, fredson said:

I've been checking in occasionally and meaning to post- but I got myself into a pretty shitty situation last month which just recently got partially resolved. I'd rather not say anything until I know I'm out of the woods. 

 

At this point I can just say that my risk tolerance and long term outlook are going to be much different in the future. Life did not turn out to be the clever little science project I could plan on a spreadsheet like I was hoping for. 

I have adopted a philosophy of letting go.  I just can't fight anymore.   Just seeing where it takes me, down the path of least resistance.  Baclofen started it. I stopped worrying and it's become a mindset.  Something always comes up.

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It is quiet around here.

I've been anxious depressed the last 1.5 weeks. The anxiety is just a gnawing at my stomach, but it's enough, and I feel down. I've started an online course for depression and I see my psychologist again in a week. Life has lost its colour. I have tried to exercise, doing 30min fast walking every couple of days, but that doesn't seem enough. I've started smoking again, not good, but that seems to give me some reprieve from the gnawing stomach.

And I drank last night; not quite a bottle of wine, so less than half what I would 'normally'.

@Otter you have mentioned in recent posts how life doesn't just go on normally after Baclofen as if nothing ever happened and I have to agree. I have just drunk again obviously but even after months I've had w/out drinking life is not easy. It's like I don't have a release anymore.

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It *is* quiet around here. Sorry about the depression, @MJM. Not sure what to say, really. Things are a bit colorless here, too, so I sympathize. I'm not on bac, not drinking either, and there just isn't much to be happy or excited about these days. I've been trying to read a lot at night, instead of watching TV. and trying to exercise a little. That's about it, doesn't really help.

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Otter,

you have definitely received your share of adversity.  If I may offer this? when kids grow up in alcoholic families they suffer from abandonment and anger issues which are exaggerated in teens.  They think discipline is hypocritical with memories of dysfunction.   It behooves you and your wife to reach out because life is a series of relationship.  He needs to be emotionally stable to have adult friends, marry happily, etc.  Through your writing I can sense your attitude on giving up.  His disrespect and immersion into video games are indicators.  I hate video games and a study including law students and the ones who played games were much lower achievers.  There won't be an immediate fix, but it is truly worth the effort.

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@Otter I too have a 14 year old son addicted to video games.  It's a constant battle and I'm usually too exhausted to fight.  His 18 year old brother was the same way until he became interested in girls and a social life, hoping something similar happens with this one.  It sounds like there is a bit of a balance with the sailing.  My son starts baseball soon and hopefully, he'll play on three teams.    He's applying for summer jobs too.  Maybe a job would be good for your son.  Good luck.  I don't have any answers, for sure. 

 

I am still battling depression.  I started mirtazapine 15mg a little over three weeks ago.  The first four days 7.5 and since 15mg at night.  I didn't think it was working, not for depression or appetite and it made my sleep worse, mostly on 15mg.  My Dr. said to reduce to 7.5 beginning that night.  Something happened that afternoon though, I started to feel better.  It was like a switch was thrown. I made dinner that night, caught up some housework, spent time with my husband. And it was so EASY. So I continued on the 15mg dose. This great mood lasted about  a week and I was so happy, so grateful to feel better.  The whole world changed for me.  I  was still struggling with sleep and not much appetite yet, but to have the depression lift was worth all of that.  Then today the depression was back.  The funny thing is I slept pretty well last night.  I have been trying all day to fight back--I raked and bagged leaves for 2 hours, I went out shopping,  I've tried calling people.  I don't know what happened.  I'm just staying on 15mg until I see my Dr next week.    Those with knowledge of pharmacology, do you think this is a bad med for me or I need to bump the dose to 30?  My Dr. says the next thing we try is lithium.  Does this sound right?  This short respite from the depression has given me hope though. I know happiness is possible and could be right around the corner.  I just need to figure out how to balance the chemicals in my brain.  

 

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Hello everyone.  It has been quiet, but has picked up the last couple of days :). I've been super busy at work so haven't had a ton of time.  The recent buyout has been nerve wracking although my boss is convinced both he and I will be fine.  He's on track to maintain his senior management position so fingers crossed.

Im sorry so many of us have struggled with depression.  Is it Baclofen or residual effects of alcoholism?  I've wanted to reduce my Baclofen but am afraid as I over drank on a couple of occasions and have a bad reaction when I do.  I pace the floor around the clock afterwards.  It's like Baclofen + alcohol = speed.  It's awful.  Sometimes I wish I had tried Naltrexone so I wouldn't be stuck taking so much Bac every day.  Do you think we can switch over going forward?  I guess not.

We need some nice weather so we can get outside.  Maybe we all need to take a trip to see @Otter! 

Congratulations Stuck on your continued abstinence!  Is the girl still in the picture?

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Last year starting June I was indifferent for 4 months and lost over 3 stone.Buf I lost my indifference slowly and now this is my second attempt in 2 months to reach indifference,I'm not drinking anything like I used to but that's a conscious effort.I just want that indifference back and I know I will get it but also become boring at the same time 

 

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