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The End of my Addiction

April 2017 Checking In


Ne1
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Happy April Fool's Day! I feel like the fool. It's been a tough week. I'm hoping that April brings a little bit more equanimity in Ne-land. 

I go to a 7:30am meeting, M-F. Everything was unicorns and rainbows for the first couple of weeks after I got out of treatment. Really good way to start the day, with several people I admire running the show. And a couple of other women who are in similar situations; new-ish to sobriety, not on their first go-round, live nearby and as a bonus, I really like one of them a lot. 

Then The Bully showed up. I won't go into details, because they're irrelevant. But he's a physically imposing guy, pissed off at the world in general, but with years of sobriety and a grudge. People started leaving. I can't stand a bully. And I don't back down in the face of one. But it's anxiety-inducing and totally exhausting. Things worked out, sort of, with a business meeting and a consensus that his behavior was unacceptable blah, blah, blah. But I am still torn between my natural inclination, to face him down, and what I think is my need for serenity to start my day. If I leave, he wins. If I stay, I lose. I can't decide. And since it's tainting my life in other ways, I think I should run. It reminds me a lot of the situation some of us faced on the other forum, which resulted in the creation of this one. That wasn't a win-win, either. But it was a good compromise. 

I've nominally decided to start meditating for a couple of hours each day. It's based on Kyle Cease's experiment with 100 days of daily meditation, for two hours each day. He's got a lot to sell, these days, because he's created a whole industry out of it (and good for him!). But the bottom line is that he sat, with his eyes closed, in his bed or a comfy chair, for two hours every single day. I like the idea. Simple. Not easy, but not rocket science, and no money or special equipment involved. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPBd3BtSFw4

It feels like a fun thing that I'm starting on April Fool's Day. 

Other than that, today, and this whole month, holds lots of yard work and maybe, just maybe, getting a job. But probably not. ;) 

 

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@Ne1 My experience with people like the guy you describe is that underneath they have pretty fragile egos, and they are at their most abrasive when faced with an anxiety-provoking situation, like being the new guy in a group. He needs to be faced, but perhaps not "faced down," as anything that pokes at his armor will cause him to shore up his defense (being a bully). If you can find a way to confront him in a "non-confrontational" way, that could help to soften him up! But don't flee from the situation just because of someone else's stupid insecurities.

Kudos to you for being able to meditate for two hours! I tried once to do it for 20 minutes a day, but failed miserably. But perhaps it's one of those things where failure is the object, only a little less so, as Beckett said of writing: "Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

 

 

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AA meetings are supposed to be where all us AL-addicted people come together based on our common wish to be rid of a horrible addiction. Yet just like almost any other group, it's a bit like Noah's Ark – there's two of every kind. Including bullies. You don't say exactly what he's doing @Ne1 but I can imagine it's not pleasant. I agree with @EraserHead, it's not a good outcome when you tackle such a person head-on. It must be hard and damn frustrating to have such a loon blundering around distracting you from the meeting. I hope it works out.

I'm sober and actually happy at the moment. I had a great chat to my sister this afternoon, she's as vague as all get-out, always a good hour-plus late to family get-togethers etc but she really is a beautiful person. She remined me about my wife, that she really needs help. I've been so cross with my better half and her drinking that I had overlooked that fundemantal truth. She needs help,and yes she needs to get on with getting that help but I can be there to support her and not grumble around the place being pissed off with her all the time. It doesn't help anyone.

So I'm in a weird place right now. Dealing with Al-addicton from the other side of the fence. I know a few others of you here have been or are in this situation too but man it's difficult. You'd think I'd totally get it but it's like I never knew what it is like to crave a drink. 

I'm very lucky. I found Baclofen and it is finally working for me (stopping Effexor made a BIG difference).

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Thanks, @EraserHead and @MJM. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I guess the question really is not HOW I'm going to deal with him, but IF I'm going to deal with him? Is it necessary? No. Do I need to go to this particular meeting? Nope. I feel some sort of responsibility to the group, but I'm not sure that's a valid feeling. And MJM, he's a straight out bully. Mean to people, interrupts, put his fist in a 70-year-old woman's face the other day, and told me to (and I quote) "Shut your big, fat mouth." (That didn't go over well. And no, I'm not going to let it slide.) I've been encouraged to pray for him, to remember that he's sick, etc. I'm thinking they don't mean praying a la Arya Stark... 

Don't get me wrong. I've been to hundreds of meetings over the last twenty+ years. I've seen lots of crazy stuff. And I've got lots and lots of issues with AA and the program. But I love a room full of drunks. I get a lot out of it, and like to think I have something to offer. If nothing else, the peer support in 3D makes a difference in my life and gets me out of the house. But this guy? Seriously troubled.

I met up with a group from rehab last night. That's never happened before, despite several stints in rehabs. It was really, really nice. And remarkably, we're all doing pretty okay. I mean, a slip or two, but no major relapses. Lots of drama in cleaning up the wreckage of the past, but everyone is still plugging along. Amazing to meet up with them. 

MJM, my husband's judgment and resentment and anger, both before and after I got sober, is a real problem in our relationship. He acts as though I haven't picked him up off the floor, metaphorically and literally, MANY times in our lives. I get it that he's indifferent, thanks to baclofen, and I'm not. I get it that it sucked for him for a long time. But really? His anger and resentment before I got sober really contributed to my sense of isolation and anger back then, too. Not that I know what he could have done differently. I don't know. I think I would've left him. Or made him leave. I'm not sure. When I got sober in 2011 and he didn't, and wouldn't try, I was planning on divorce, actively working toward it, until he finally decided to try baclofen. Three months later he was indifferent, our lives changed dramatically and things were better than ever. Better than I knew they could be, truth be told. It's a shame she can't take baclofen. 

I know it's got to be really hard. I can't suggest things that might help, other than what your sister said. I think one big difference is that I was never in denial about my own active alcoholism and looked everywhere and tried everything before I went to rehab. I only went because I needed to be in a place where I couldn't drink, no matter what. (Though I've checked out early in the past because I couldn't take it, and drank on the way home in the cab...) Rehabs, generally, don't work as advertised. But I'm so glad I could go and that I actually went. I reminded myself that if I'd had a different disease, say heart disease, or some other chronic illness, I'd do rehab without hesitation, with no guarantees of long term success or health. But it's a good jump start. Or was for me anyway. 

But it's not always all about me. :-/

Meditated for 90 minutes yesterday. Not bad. No revelations! Fell asleep for a minute or two. ha! Won't be doing it in bed today. 

Peace out, peeps. 

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Ne, I met a lot of bullies in AA.  I think they are the ones still feeling deprived and resent the world in general.  Stand firm, as I know you will.  My husband didn't really like me when I sobered up.  He is/was very passive-aggressive and lost the need/ability to be cruel.  I feel for you.  AA is right when they say alcoholism is a family disease on many levels.

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Hello all. Sounds like we're hanging in there, peeps. That's good to hear.

Got back from New York last night. Had a good trip. Actually a pretty fantastic trip. Really cool dinner with a (somewhat) famous person, a journalist and indie news anchor. She is a remarkable woman. Did some sightseeing, spent some time with my mom.

Now back at home and very unmotivated to do anything, yet all the things need to be done. In the back of my head these past months I think I'd been psyching myself up to stay dry through NY. Because of the way things played out last December, with my parents coming out here to look after me and all that, and because I'd be in NY with my mom, I'd kind of told myself to just get through this trip sober.

Well, once I did this emptiness and a craving for a drink hit hard last night as I got back. And lasted through today. And I just feel empty and tired and really run down. Don't feel like doing anything at all. Not even watching TV. Forced myself out of the house for cigarettes even though I didn't even need any, and went to the grocery for bananas. Got some wasabi peas and some vegan ice cream. Cashew milk snickerdoodle. OMFG so good. But that doesn't make for much of a lunch. Or dinner, for that matter. Washed the car in my parking spot - had the car since November and I think this might be the first time I've washed it. Hate to admit, but it does look pretty good clean. Especially with the windows tinted, which I had done last week before leaving.

That's about it. School starts this week. And lots of work to do with this nonprofit I've gotten myself roped into. Probably over-committing myself there.

Have a good one.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hahahaha. Good for you guys :) 

I've been keeping my head down, nose to the grindstone and whatnot. Trying to get work done, some days more successful than others. Been thinking about liquor *a lot* and a little down overall. But hanging in.

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@StuckinLA Brother, I hear you! I've been making steady (albeit not especially quick) progress with Naltrexone. Then,  a gout attack hit. You couldn't PAY me to drink, right now. It just wouldn't happen. But don't imagine for a second that I'm not thinking about booze. Although the attack has mostly subsided and the pain is more of an annoyance (but still bracing at times)... the desire give the world a Johnny Cash middle finger and get fsck-you drunk remains. It's strong, at moments -- fleeting moments... but they recur.  I've been doing this (drinking) to excess for... a few decades. I guess that it's not reasonable to expect to change so quickly. Except that I'm 'murikan (I want it now, I want it for free, and kiss my @ss in the process because I'm obviously better than you -- just because I am).

Hang in there. I hope that my account of my experience shows you that you're not alone. We live in a society that's conditioned to over-simplify things and expect quick&easy solutions to everything. Life ain't a 1950s TV dinner (unfortunately). It's time to rearrange an old song and make it swing.
 

 

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Yeah, wull, anyhoo.  

 

I am on my own here.  My wife is at her daughter's with our son and they are babysitting the grandkids while my daughter in law and our other daughter's husband are at the hospital with my mother in law.

 

I did say...

 

We all went out to Easter lunch at a fancy hotel overlooking the med.  Beautiful. Great food. Then we went back to the daughter's place. I fell asleep on the sofa. Then my wife came in and asked if I had seen her mother, who had go up in a temper, claiming we'all had ruined her life and said she wanted to go home. She has a rented place just up the road.  My wife went one way and I went the other and I heard my MIL howling and screaming in pain and I could see a pair of fat white legs on the ground through the bushes in the garden.  She was lying flat on her face saying she had broken her arm and couldn't move, it was so painful.  I then had a conversation with the back of her head.  I asked where she was going and she "home".  I asked "which home".  She replied, "that's precisely the point".  

 

We called an ambulance as she's now strapped up and ready to be put to bed so I'm off to pick up my wife, who is fine.  Seems the Campral and Bac combo is working quite well.  We still have about 20 construction workers on all sides and there's a generator grinding away next door at 9pm on Easter Sunday.  The whole area is like a construction site in all directions.  

 

Other than that, things are marvellous. lol  Oh yeah, 59 cruise missiles went up from just in front of my house the other day.  

 

 

 

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Yes, but it's a bit stressful at the moment.  My MIL has sustained a fractured left arm.  She's back in her house now but needs two people to dress her and the woman who was hired to look after her during the day didn't turn up today and sent her teenage daughters instead.  Apparently she has another job!

Then our neighbour's kids decided to stand in front of our house a couple of hours ago and taunt our dogs who react by barking.  My wife went out and told them off and then asked if they wanted to see the dogs.  They said "yes" so she let them out and the father had a fit and started throwing stones at the dogs and then threatened to call the police.  I went out and told him to keep his kids away from our house because it's not a zoo. The big dogs have jumped the fence and one of them is a neurotic German Shepherd who has bitten quite a few people...  I think the kids are spoiled and the parents are insensitive "big heads" because they think nothing of parking up in front of our gates and looking through at the dogs who then bark at them until we have to get up and go out to see what is going on.  It's become a regular occurrence so heaven knows how this is going to pan out.  I didn't need this but the stress of yesterday and the noise, dust and smoke from the surrounding building sites is getting to us. They don't have electricity so they run generators all day and into the night and there are between 10 to 20 workers crawling all over the sites, on the roofs with direct views down on us. it seems never ending, to be honest.

I tend to take the high road with these sorts of things, until it gets too much,  but I have a greater capacity for coping with stress.  I'd build high fences but we've discovered that our boundary fences, which are just chicken wire. are in the wrong place and we can't do much about it until the right of way at the front is finished and this neighbour has stopped bringing building materials down it in huge trucks.  I've put up sheets of fabric supported by bamboo poles to keep these people from looking in but it's a battle to keep them up, what with the constant wind here.  We get cyclones and twisters which flatten everything that's not made of stone or cemented down.   The bac does seem to be working but I have a feeling the Campral is also helping because she seems more "normal" than she ever has. She's becoming much more insightful about how she'd been sneaking out for booze while I was away from the house and she's very proud of being able to resist this.  I think that not having my MIL here is a good thing. It's allowed our daughter to realise that the big bust up last summer wasn't actually anything to do with my wife drinking.  The MIL is pulling the same stunt with everyone; throwing hissy fits and stomping off.  It's sad but I warned my sister-in-law that this was going to happen and that she needed very close supervision to the point of being kept almost under house arrest but the MIL is too stubborn at the moment.  Not sure what to do because she goes on and on about imaginary people in her house and in the garden, and animals. She even feeds the imaginary children.  What on earth does one do about someone who is just plain nuts?

Stay tuned...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Otter
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On 4/14/2017 at 11:52 PM, Mom2JTx3 said:

Nope :). Maybe it's the nice weather.  We're all outside.  How are you??

It's raining today. So here I am! You're right that the last several weeks I've been working like a day-laborer around the house. Given the fact that I'm sun-phobic, heat-sensitive, and out of shape it's been an exercise in pain. By the end of the day I'm spent. And if I don't start first thing in the morning, nothing's getting done. Since that's usually my sit-and-type-time, I haven't been online. Also, I'm still going to that 7:30am meeting. The bully left in a huff because, "I know where I'm not wanted!" At least I can give him credit for a little bit of insight. Very little. But enough. And I didn't even have to make a concerted attack! He dug his own demise. It was interesting to watch, rather than to instigate. Against my 'nature'. ;) 

On 4/16/2017 at 10:29 AM, BarrelChested said:

...I've been doing this (drinking) to excess for... a few decades. I guess that it's not reasonable to expect to change so quickly. Except that I'm 'murikan (I want it now, I want it for free, and kiss my @ss in the process because I'm obviously better than you -- just because I am).

One of the things I abhor about 12-step programs is that they take the human condition (wanting it now, for free, with the idea that I am the exception to the rule [and a disconnection from...something greater]) and turn it into a diagnosis of alcoholism rather than being human. And being back in the rooms reminds me it's not alcoholism, though I have finally had to admit that there is something to that stereotype which I've always resisted. Can't change the fact that our prefrontal cortexes are compromised, you know? Anyway... 

I read a post from @Nicnak somewhere about not having reached a switch and wanted to comment but am too lazy (or time-pressured?) to look. The first time I reached indifference, it wasn't a switch. I know lots of people experience that on/off thing. I didn't. I was taking 320mg of baclofen, it took me 4 months to get there, and I had all kinds of side effects. One day I was just too damn tired, and the weather was too damn miserable, for me to stop to get beer on my way home from work. (I've told this story a million times. Forgive the repetition. I just think it might be relevant.) It was a decision. Granted, I comforted myself with the fact that I had several hours to be able to change my mind if I decided I was too uncomfortable and wanted to run to 7-11 for some booze. But I didn't. And I didn't want to. I tried the same experiment the next day, with the same comfortable thought that it was there if I changed my mind. I didn't. And then that happened for the next six days before I decided that I was actually indifferent. Meaning, I didn't care if I drank or not. That doesn't mean I didn't think about it! Or wonder if I was going to. It was just a minute by minute (ODAT) thing. 

Then I titrated down too far, life got completely overwhelming, depression entered... I titrated up to ungodly amounts of baclofen, but still kept drinking. Titrated down and then up again. Still drinking. Couldn't make the decision to stop, got to the point where I gave up trying. Life just sucked too much. So off to rehab... Just to get the time abstinent. Not because I thought it would be any great solution. It ain't. I loved it, though. Seriously. It shocked me. I mostly followed the rules, too. Even the stupid, ridiculous ones. Like the fact that women couldn't wear yoga pants or leggings. (Yes. Sexist bull shit right there. Don't think I didn't feel like raging against the machine. And don't get me started about my "doctor". The guy might have had the degree, but wore an AA lapel pin on his suit every god damn day. omg. I actively detest that man. anyway.) I DID break the rules, a major one, by sneaking in and taking baclofen. Wasn't prescribed where I went, and I wasn't taking the gamble that I would be able to resist craving without it once I was out of lock-down. 

So now I'm on 280mg. I'm not indifferent, I don't think. It's impossible to tell without trying to drink, and I don't want to do that. Not worth the test... I definitely haven't reached a switch. Got Mexican takeout last week after spending all damn day in the dirt and I was amazed that I didn't buy some Corona. (Don't judge. You know it's the perfect hot-day, post-yardwork, Mexican-food beverage. Watch the commercials, people! ;) ) (And margaritas! Dear God I will always miss margaritas. Sorry if that's TMI.) 

I couldn't have made the decision, then or now, not to drink without baclofen. The majority of the people I've kept in touch with from rehab have slipped in one way or another. One person didn't drink, but took every drug/med she had in the house. Another smokes pot regularly. Not passing judgment at all. Just saying that meds work, at least for me. BUT unlike so many others, I have to decide. Bummer, but there it is. And I'm still having normal drinking thoughts and concerns: wedding in the fall, bachelorette weekend in Chicago in August... cold beer on hot day after hard work...

@Otter, sorry to hear about the ongoing frustrations of life. Happy to hear that your wife is doing well. 

@StuckinLA, how're things going? I figure you're doing well when you're not writing here regularly. You tend to be much more prolific drunk. HA! Is that rude? I figure it means you're spending your time writing words IRL, and a good thing. Though I miss your words here. How goes the activism? I've joined a group of concerned women, but haven't attended yet. Not sure how that's going to play out, yet.

Break in the rain, and I'm off to walk the pup. 

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I don't think I've said this before, but @Alice22, your experience and shared info was a big part of my being able to almost willingly check into rehab, and embrace the experience. Especially a 12-step one. Really, really appreciate the thoughts you wrote on here and private encouragement, too. Of course, it helped that I put my hand through the window in a fit of drunken rage about having to go, and the resulting humiliation/shame/pain. I've never intentionally hurt myself before. Not that I thought I was going to end up with a huge scar and nerve damage. My husband did the same thing several years ago, similar circumstances, and had nothing but a few scrapes. I suppose it helps to know how to punch things? Or I'm that uncoordinated? I digress. Thanks, Alice.  

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6 hours ago, Ne1 said:

I couldn't have made the decision, then or now, not to drink without baclofen.

That's almost exactly my experience as well.  Stopped drinking, started bac, got by knowing that as I titrated up, each day would get easier - & it did.  Maybe a bit of it was placebo effect at the beginning, but long term it just got easier to not drink with each day that passed.

It's important we share our individual experiences with bac, otherwise a sort of myth starts to arise about this magical "switch" - I know some people experience this, but many of us don't, & this doesn't mean the treatment isn't effective.

@Ne1 I'm glad you're back - it's been so quiet without you, & I mean that as a compliment!!

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Hi Ne 

I happened to look into the forum today and read up on your recent journey. As one who has *known* you for a long time, I am sorry to read what you've been going through. I hope the bac works soon and everything else works and you find some peace and happiness. Perhaps even a job!

Best wishes,

Cassander

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On 4/23/2017 at 8:32 AM, Ne1 said:

The first time I reached indifference, it wasn't a switch. I know lots of people experience that on/off thing. I didn't. 

This was similar to my experience reaching indifference the first time around Dec/Jan 2016.  I didn't NEED to drink, but I still had the habit/thought to do so and did.   Then my doc wanted to run some tests and I didn't know what they all were, so I figured I'd go AF totally just in case.  That was it.  I just had to make the decision.  It wasn't hard.  I still had fleeting thoughts, but it was helpful to have a goal to break the habit.  When I relapsed a few months later due to stress, and started titrating up again, I had the switch thing happen and it threw me right into DTs and the hospital.  Oops.  It all worked out though. :) 

Happy Tuesday everyone.  It's a beautiful day today, but I'm working so am checking in here.

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Hi all. Nice to see you back, @Ne1. Glad you're up and out and about. It's always nice to find that people haven't been posting for good reasons :)

Not much going on here. Been working, trying to write just about every morning. Also continuing to do some work and attend meetings for the nonprofit group I'm bumming around with. Been getting high lately, with this old, dry weed leftover in my desk for a couple years since the time I had a prescription. Been nice to take the edge off a little, 'cause man I've been wanting a drink.

What else. Spending too much money, as always. I shaved off my beard, not sure why. Maybe because I have a birthday coming up and realized I hadn't seen my face in a couple years. I've had a shaving brush since Christmas, and it's actually a lot of fun to use on my whole face :D. So of course I just now ordered a straight razor, and going to need some advice from @BarrelChested so I don't slit my damned throat.

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11 hours ago, StuckinLA said:

So of course I just now ordered a straight razor, and going to need some advice

Never, ever shave in a hurry, when you're hungover (from any thing), or just feel out-of-sorts.  Shaving brings focus to the moment. It cannot work any other way.  Remember and respect this... and you'll be fine.  Also, I recommend that you buy a shavette. This is what barbers have to use; they replace the blade for each customer.  A shavette uses double-edged blades snapped in-half. Feather is high-quality Japanese steel that's very sharp (you absolutely want this) and holds an edge. Honing and stropping gets old, too.  Uh, and a shavette costs $25 instead of $250.

Personally, I drank for the past two nights.  It's been more than a month... because of gout (still going). I haven't been able to touch "the other" due to the possibility of a test.  Finally, I just thought, "damn it, I want to cut loose a little." @Mom2JTx3 nailed it:

 

14 hours ago, Mom2JTx3 said:

 I didn't NEED to drink, but I still had the habit/thought to do so and did.

 

So... I had three drinks... and I just lost interest.  The following night, I joined a friend moving away, arriving late. I had two shots and a cider -- the quick shovel-smack in the face was nice (even with the Naltrexone). I then went home (having exceeded my driving limit; I was very close). At home, I had the cider I bought from the previous night. I drank two... and just lost interest. It was a let-down. It wasn't what I remembered. It didn't taste that great (probably influenced by Nal)... and it was just a little sad/boring.  I don't know.

While I haven't been posting much, I've been silently "stalking" -- reading other peoples' posts.  What did y'all think of that post about needing help to quit smoking pot?  I can't imagine being able to afford to smoke 3/4oz per day (let alone the ability to do so -- nor have I ever met anyone able to do that). I don't know whether that was a legitimate story... and, so, said nothing.  One of the best things about this group is that we're all supportive... and I'd rather that not change. No one seems to need/want to be a turd... Which is sadly rare, these days. Y'all rawk.

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My MIL has now been in hospital for a week.  She has a fractured shoulder and her dementia is rampant.  She has no idea where she is, and is on Tramadol, Avil and a saline drip.  She is hardly eating and hardly opens her eyes or talks. When she does, she talks nonsense.  She has Lewey Body snydrome.

I looked up dementia treatment and it seems there are quite a few patent applications going through for baclofen and Campral.

Here's one:

COMBINATION OF BACLOFEN, ACAMPROSATE AND MEDIUM CHAIN TRIGLYCERIDES FOR THE TREATMENT OF NEUROLOGICAL DISORDERS

United States Patent Application 20160354335

Kind Code:

A1

Abstract:

The present invention relates to combinations and methods for the treatment of neurological disorders related Amyloid beta toxicity and/or neuronal death and/or glucose impaired neuronal metabolism. More specifically, the present invention relates to novel combinatorial therapies of Alzheimer's disease, Alzheimer's disease related disorders, frontotemporal dementia, Parkinson's disease, Lewy body dementia, Huntington's disease, peripheral neuropathies, alcoholism or alcohol withdrawal, neurological manifestations of drug abuse or drug abuse withdrawal, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, multiple sclerosis, spinal cord injury, epilepsy, traumatic brain injury or brain ischemic events based on baclofen, acamprosate and at least one medium chain triglyceride.

 

I was talking to the doctor about her and he said that she can't be treated.  Then he reeled off her sypmtoms, anxiety about not knowing where she is and having no one familiar around her leading to violent aggression.  As I listened I just thought, well, those are the symptoms of a problem with a part of the brain, and you don't know what part that is or anything about treating it.  It's still pointless talking to doctors about this treatment. God knows when it ever will be.  

 

My wife wants to bring her home. I have told her that I fear the worst, to be honest.  Her deterioration is so rapid and so severe.  We go in each day thinking it's going to get better but it just looks worse and worse.  I do wonder whether this is a result of the Tramadol, which is an opiate.  The doctor says the demantia is worse because of the shoulder injury and pain from it. 

I don't know how this is going to pan out.  None of the family will have her living with them.  She only wants to be with others, not us and we are the only ones who will have her.   My wife and her just clash and always have.  My wife is the sort who always shows kindness and love towards her mother.  Her mother has no feelings and just gives back insults and abuse.  It just crushes my wife.  It's why she married when she did and has no self confidence.  The MIL is a bully and there's just no changing her so bringing her home could be a disaster, even if it is what my wife wants.  The rest of the family want to fly her home to a very expensive nursing home where she'll have only one person visiting her, if at all, as the rest of us are now living here.  The kids have no interest in this, just want quiet lives.  My wife and I are concerned that if this is the end, then it would be cruel to put her somewhere in a care home with no one around her.

Anyway, my wife is doing very well and coping with this without recourse to drink and not even talking about cravings. So... all good....  well maybe not.

 

Edited by Otter
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@Otter DON'T DO IT!!!   It's very difficult to deal with a person with dementia and all that comes with it even if the person is relatively easy to deal with like my Mom.  This would be a nightmare.  It will impact your son as well.   I know how difficult and stressful it is for my kids living with my Mom and she is sweet as pie.  

You told me that I should have avoided the extra stress in my life when I relapsed after my Mom moved in.  That was good advice, yes?  ^_^

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@Otter - listen to @Mom2JTx3! That sounds like a nightmare. She needs a much higher level of care than your family could possibly provide.

Now that I have a prescription for baclofen that I can run through insurance, I wanted to share a segment from my most recent EOB from BCBS. I am completely WTF-ing over the gross charges for 180 20mg tablets of baclofen. Can anyone explain where on earth they would get these dollar amounts for an old generic? Even the $55 total between me and BCBS seems high.

 

bac.jpg

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@OtterI haven't posted in a while and  I was lurking here when I read about the dilemma you and your wife are facing with your MIL. I absolutely echo what @Mom2JTx3 and @Felina said.  DO NOT DO IT!!!  I speak from experience.  My grandmother (my dad's mother) had dementia when she came to live us my last two years of high school.  Two of the worst years of my life!!!! OMG!!!  My mother was a stay-at-home mom, and my dad just EXPECTED my mother and I to take care of my often less-than-grateful grandmother.  My mom had NO life.   It was a good thing that she was a moderate drinker who liked her cheap, low AL wine at night and that experience didn't bump her into alcoholic drinking.  I was FULL OF RESENTMENT.  I know that if I had had a drinking problem while my grandma lived with us, the problem would have escalated. Mom2JTx3 is right in that the situation will have a monumentally negative affect on your son.  He will probably become bitter and resentful as I did.  All of a sudden, our household got dumped on its head because our grandma came first...all the time. Can you imagine having to take care of your wife if she relapsed AND your MIL at the same time?????  A total nightmare it will be.  You and your family members can afford a nice  facility where she will be well cared for....do it....just do it... and do not look back.   She has TOO MANY ISSUES that you and your wife are not equipped to care for effectively without losing your minds and your wife's sobriety.  Please listen to us.  We know what we are talking about.:hug:

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I don't think we have a choice.  She looks like she's going to pass away any moment and we can't just see this happen in a hospital all on her own.  The deterioration is rapid.  My mother only lasted two months after my father died.  It's now just over a year since my father in law died and the decline now is visible daily. She's not even speaking or moving and the doctor is telling us to take her home...  

On top of that is the fact that she's not being give anything to help with this neurological condition.  I've done a bit of googling and MCT or medium chain triglygeride oil is basically coconut oil.  You can buy it on the internet and probably in health stores.    https://wellnessmama.com/98671/mct-oil-benefits/

 

If she continues on a downward path then she needs to be with family.  If she gets better then we can hire someone to look after her and move her into an apartment nearby.  In either case, we would have someone here to help out.  It's not something I have any desire to do but I can't see any alternative. The family just want to ship her back to a nursing home but we can equally put her in one here at a fraction of the cost.  It's about £500 a month here for full care in a hospital here and £4000 back in the UK. And there will be only one visitor instead of six of us here, plus three great grand children.  It's not going to be long term in our home but if she does improve that should start happening over the next month or so and I can cope with that. 

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@Cassander So nice to *see* you. Thanks for your kind words. Wish my experience wasn’t such a bummer. I always feel like I’ve let people down, and then try to internalize the truth, which is that relapse is the rule rather than the exception. And, well, I’m doing my best… Things are greatly improved over the last months and looking good. And tho I’m not earning a paycheck, there are several things I’m working on that keep me busy and engaged. And even hopeful and excited. So there’s that!

@Mom2JTx3 Funny that it worked so well it made you sick. I mean, not funny, but funny. 

@StuckinLA You’re such a luddite I’m surprised you still open your computer. ;)  I like BC’s very practical advice. Glad you’re still sober. If I think too much about it, and honestly, reading and posting on the forums makes me think too much about it, I could easily see myself drinking. Like now. But whatever. I’m not going to, so I just move on to the next thing that grabs my attention. One of the benefits of being easily distractable, I suppose.

@BarrelChested I’ve been meaning to get back to your thread for eons. Sorry about the gout. That sounds incredibly miserable. Glad the drinking didn’t work out as planned. I have definitely had that experience, and while it’s disappointing in the moment, it’s a relief in the big picture. Especially given that if it had worked out, you’d just extend this gout attack and be that much more miserable.  Yes, this is a cool environment here. I like it a lot, too. I lurk, too.

@Felina SO RIDICULOUS. And also, just lies. I just got a bill for the urinalysises (urinalyses?)  I had done while in rehab. $680 each, x3, not covered by insurance because it wasn’t done at a participating provider. They think I’m going to pay $2000, in addition to what rehab cost us, (also thousands, even with insurance coverage) for a test that I could get done for, what, $30? Never going to happen. I’ll file bankruptcy before I pay them a goddamn dime. I realize that’s not rational. Whatever.

@Rusty thanks for stopping by! :hug: 

@Otter I think you’ve gotten sound advice. I know you’ll do what you think is best, but I hope you take a long-term view of things. My grandmother lived near death for a looong time. I was and am very grateful that she was in a retirement community and was able to transition there all the way through hospice, and finally, death.

Without question, the tramadol could be having a negative effect. Google it. Opiates, sedatives, benzos... Gosh, just about everything (especially mind-meds) can have a deleterious effect on the elderly. No question. 

23 hours ago, Otter said:

COMBINATION OF BACLOFEN, ACAMPROSATE AND MEDIUM CHAIN TRIGLYCERIDES FOR THE TREATMENT OF NEUROLOGICAL DISORDERS

I rolled my eyes when I first read that you found that patent application. I mean, is there any limit to what can be found online? Then I googled the info and Holy Wow. There’s a whole lot of information about those three ingredients and it’s incredibly compelling. Nice find! And thanks for sharing. I ordered MCT oil. Btw, there IS a difference between MCT oil and coconut oil. I spent hours following rabbit trails and reading info and research about MCT oil. Too much to go into here, but suffice it to say that I decided it was worth it to get actual MCT oil made from coconuts (not palm) rather than stick with plain coconut oil. BUT it may not be appropriate for an elderly person. Causes GI distress and has to be… titrated up. FWIW, here’s an Amazon link to what I ordered: https://www.amazon.com/Viva-Naturals-Non-GMO-Pure-Coconut/dp/B00MGW5UVY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493216132&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=mct+oil&psc=1

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