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The End of my Addiction

Checking in - October


Felina
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Happy October, everybody! Let's all have a safe and sober month. What's going on in your world?

Also, just FYI I created a Checking In thread on the My Way Out board too. Seems silly, I know, but I just hate seeing the medication section languish over there. Feel free to stop by and post something :)

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Hi @Nicnak - I hit my switch at 190 mgs/day back in 2011 and stayed close to my switch dose for a month or so, but then titrated down WAY too fast and promptly relapsed. I spent a period of time in 2011/2012 experimenting with different dosages, but eventually settled at 140 mgs/day and stayed there for years. At that dose, I had an "off switch" and was able to drink moderately, but I wouldn't say I was truly indifferent. I went down to 120 mgs/day in January of this year. I definitely noticed a difference - alcohol tasted better to me. Instead of titrating back up I have been going for longer AF stretches and really found that I like myself better AF. Even small amounts of alcohol affect my mood and sleep for 24-48 hours afterwards. I don't see myself going below 120 anytime soon. I may actually go back up a little bit, because it felt safer to me.

Where are you on your baclofen journey now? I know you said you were going back up. I really hope it works for you. <3

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Hi @Felina 

im at 175mg a day now and definetly drinking less but still on 1 to 1.5 bottles of wine a day but really want that elusive switch.

Before when I switched it was emmediate,from drinking about 3 bottles one day to nothing the next

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Hello all and hope everyone is doing well out there. Can't believe it's October already - thanks for starting the check-in thread, @Felina. Here's to a sober month, or sober-ish, or whatever just all the best with your goals. Hope the switch comes soon for you, @Nicnak.

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A mixed start to October for me.  I decided to up my bac dose to see if I could find this mythical "switch".  I have remained sober on about 14 units/week. but found that I was still after 4+ years mentally counting units & I decided I wanted to be free of this permanently.

So.  I went up from 160 mg by about 10 mg every 3 days to 200 mg.  At that point I couldn't sleep, my back hurt & I had to take modafinil to function during the day.  I was certainly indifferent, but suspect that might have been because even the most miniscule amount of alcohol during the day would be disastrous if you're falling asleep on your feet.  And then I ended up using alcohol at night to help me finally fall asleep!  Overall a disastrous experiment.

I probably went up too fast, but thought after so many years on bac that I was fairly resistant to the SE.  Anyway, now I'm going back down again by 10 mg every 3 days.  I haven't been at 200 mg for more than about 3 days in total so I think I can safely go back down again by the same method.

I plan to stay at 160 for a while while I get my equilibrium back, then titrate down very slowly!  I need to give my back a chance to improve.

Anyone heard from Ne?  Seems a long time since she was here.

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@StuckinLA squirrels mean confusion.  Squirrel... what?  where?  My dog keeps 6 for squirrels because i unfortunately taught it that.  Mind you we have no squirrels except eating walnuts.  Years ago we had 3 dozen.

Ne1 I have no idea.

Edited by empyr3al
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Going up to 200mg tomorrow.Im pretty much used to bac whilst titrating up and didn’t really get any SE’s till about 150mg But now falling asleep at the drop of a hat and snoring a lot.My hubby doesn’t really like me being on bac as he’s worried about it me We I’ve been a bit weird on it in the past so didn’t tell him that I was starting on it again but had to come clean becaus of the snoring etc.I have a very stuffy nose annoying,embarrassing tickley cough.

I do wonder that maybe my lack of SE’s when going up means that I am used to bac and that’s maybe why I am having difficulty reaching indifference again when twice before I reached it at 180mg and 160mg.The second time I had been off it for 6 months.

Maybe some long termers like @terrykcan advise.Or maybe @Felina

 

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Well, 10 months AF today. I'm conflicted about celebrating or even marking milestones, there always feels like an implied "great now don't f*ck it up." Anyway, did want to mark it here regardless, I guess. Hope it's a good one out there, everyone.

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Happy October everyone.  Not much is new here. I’ve titrated down to 250mg and am staying here for awhile.  I’m AF and have to be now, but that’s OK.  At this amount of Baclofen, it’s not hard.

Congratulations @StuckinLA!!

There’s an interesting discussion over on MWO about CBD oil for anxiety. Does anyone use it or know a reputable source?

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Thanks, all. @Mom2JTx3 I do not know of a reputable source for CBD oil, though haven't looked really. I'm in CA and have a fresh medical rx. Haven't used it in a while, and never have tried the oil. Did try an edible once, maybe 5-6 months ago, and felt absolutely nothing. Anyway, maybe someone knows of something around here? Be careful with the synthetics, though, I've heard horror stories about those.

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Well,I went up to 200mg on Sunday and hey presto!.... on Monday I was indifferent.I really thought I wouldn’t get there again and I’m so relieved.But I’m also apprehensive,we will just have to see how it goes.

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@Mom2JTx3,thank you

This whole baclofen journey has been a rocky ride and it’s not a one fits all medication so I can see getting it licensed for alcohol is going to be very hard.

This is my third time indifferent,First was 180mg then 160 now 200.But I’m between times I have gone up to as much as 280mg without a switch.My brain was very confused at this much bac!!....

SE’s now are falling asleep a lot.Was in the front room the other evening and decided to do some sit-ups (don’t ask!!)..next thing I know is my son coming in and telling me to go to bed,He prob thought I was drunk:(

A bit of confusion but not to bad and of course the usual constipation 

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@Nicnak that's fantastic, congratulations! :sorcerer: I know this has been a difficult ride for you.   So glad to hear you didn't need to go up to 280 again.

Unsolicited advice: I'm thinking you probably should stay abstinent and stay at your switch dose for a good long while if you can stand it. And if you titrate down, do it sloooowly. I would venture a guess that titrating down too fast post-switch is one of the biggest baclofen mistakes. I was certainly guilty of that.  

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

@StuckinLAI haven't kept-up. What happened with the girlfriend? I'm actually dating someone -- someone NICE (which is a change for me -- I tend to go for "edgy"/witty/etc). She's quite pretty, too. Alas, she has a downfall -- she gets blinding drunk somewhere between 3 and six glasses of wine. It's like someone hitting an electrical toggle switch. This is the part that's not fun. I'm cautiously optimistic. Or, perhaps, pessimistically hopeful? Anyway... time will tell. I've been focusing on activities that are non-booze-centric. It's a fscked-up place to live -- not fully-committed because caution is warranted. Ugh. Let me know...  Oh, and I'm so grateful to hear that you're doing well! I hope that the writing -- or wherever you're focusing your energy -- is going well.

 

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Hey thanks, @BarrelChested. So glad you've found a nice girl, hopefully the 3-6 glasses doesn't happen too often to be annoying? My girl is doing all right. We're in an ok place. She has a tight group of friends and she spends a lot of time with them, hanging out and gaming - video and D&D, she dove into D&D like a swan after fish (do swan's duck into water for fish? I just combined the image of bird + water + "swan dive"). Anyway, between that and me being pretty busy that doesn't leave much time for us. But that's fine. I've been reading a lot, more or less directed toward the classes I'm teaching right now or will be soon. Haven't written much, other than job application letters. A lot of those. Looking forward to November, when the apps are done and I'll have some time for my own work. 

But things are good. Like, surprisingly good. Still think often about booze, but holding strong. Looking forward to December, when the first AF year is behind me. Just to see what that's like.

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Oh and Barrel, re: my last post about store-bought coffee I can hear you screaming into the computer screen: "Make your own cold brew!" I know, I know, working on it.

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My wife is ok.  We had a lousy summer what with her mother nearly dying and ending up in a care home. There were no relapses.  

The weight problem is still there and she is depressed from time to time. She's decided to have cosmetic surgery in December including a tummy tuck and lipo.  Too many kids and a sweet tooth.

It rained heavily here.  It's only the second rainfall we've had since March as far as I can remember.  It's been a real roaster of a summer. 

I'm working on some property stuff, hoping to make some cash but I'm not holding my breath. We have been picking olives to take to the local press to make into olive oil. 

 

This is really odd.  My son has never had much in the way of athletic talent or interest and tends to be very quiet, staying in his room. A year ago he started playing video games intensely and his grade at school dropped. He got some very poor marks on a few exams and we got very worried.  One of his worst subjects was always English. His handwriting is not so good and he couldn't write a descent paragraph about anything.  I became very angry and depressed about it because he rarely came out of his bedroom except to go to school and he seemed to be getting worse at everything.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago he was given an assignment to write a 500 word descriptive essay. It could not have a plot or story line or any dialogue.  He spent about a week doing it and handed it in. I had no idea he was even doing it.  So, my wife tells me that, when he handed it in, the teacher read it and asked if he'd plagiarised it.  My son said that he had not.  Apparently,  the teacher said it was so well written that he should get an A+ for it.  I thought, "yeah, yeah, sure".  I figured the teacher was just joking or being a bit silly. Then, I read the thing.  It was unbelievable.  It read like something a novelist had written.  I read through it and it was engrossing.  I just did not know what to think.  I ended up asking if he had plagiarised it...lol   Weird...

Edited by Otter
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@Otter something similar happened to me in high school.  I was a huge computer geek in the mid 90's, hacker, BBS', gopher, archie, veronica.  I could build diagnose fix any thing from a Tandy 1000 to a 386.  I even soldered my own hypno style glasses that set your brain frequency to active or like asleep.  I spent hours and hours programming and getting access to things I should never have had.  I hacked the school's computer class network and shut it down for a week and the teacher blamed it on alumni that had just visited.  So I'm a huge computer geek.  Now I say this because I compare it to your son and video games.  My grades sucked and my attendence was horrific and nearly got expelled.  Now when I was in class I would essentially teach my religion class just after lunch (hehe, smoke break).  Well I never ever did home work.  The only homework I did was for media class because it was computers and corel draw and early video type editing as we had "the high tech" in the day.  Well I flunked many many courses.  BUT, when it came down to writing an independent study paper worth 50% of my grade for my class.  I wrote mine and a friend of mine's and got 100+ % ... I wrote about how someone with ADHD cannot write a paper (lol), and about "The Cycle of Cocaine Addiction".  Well I passed myself and my friend in 2 days of writing.  The one teacher knew I wrote my friends paper because there is no way he could speak like me with the vernacular and language.  So anyways the head of the department was convinced I plagarized it and my teacher stood up for me because she knew exactly what I wrote.  Long story short is that unless it interests you, you don't bother as a teenager.  The consequences don't seem dire.  Leads to a whole different conversation about teaching styles used in european countries where you study only what interests you.  So for me it was boredom.  I had been to a private school already and this was all just rediculous.  I have a tendency to answer questions that are supposed to be a sentence with an entire thesis style paper.  So that got me into some hot water when I did apply myself.  I was talking way above my teachers heads at some points.  Boredom.

So your son may have a hidden skill that is really only applied when neccessary.  I never graduated high school and ended up years later doing a GED which petrified me but I scored well over 90% across the board on it.  I had no idea why I was afraid of it.  I have 130+ IQ.  I hope your son finds what interests him as thats hugely important.

I might add that even though I didn't technically graduate high school (2 short of 30 or so), the way I speak to people they assume that I've been to some sort of university.  So its not all learned in school and doing home work.  I turned out successful and was billed out for ages at $225 CAD an hour because I specialized and no one was the wiser.  Now my ex wife always said "for someone so smart, why do you do what you do (drink)".  Answer.  Anxiety.

Edited by empyr3al
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16 hours ago, empyr3al said:

 

 

16 hours ago, empyr3al said:

@Otter something similar happened to me in high school.  I was a huge computer geek in the mid 90's, hacker, BBS', gopher, archie, veronica.  I could build diagnose fix any thing from a Tandy 1000 to a 386.  I even soldered my own hypno style glasses that set your brain frequency to active or like asleep.  I spent hours and hours programming and getting access to things I should never have had.  I hacked the school's computer class network and shut it down for a week and the teacher blamed it on alumni that had just visited.  So I'm a huge computer geek.  Now I say this because I compare it to your son and video games.  My grades sucked and my attendence was horrific and nearly got expelled.  Now when I was in class I would essentially teach my religion class just after lunch (hehe, smoke break).  Well I never ever did home work.  The only homework I did was for media class because it was computers and corel draw and early video type editing as we had "the high tech" in the day.  Well I flunked many many courses.  BUT, when it came down to writing an independent study paper worth 50% of my grade for my class.  I wrote mine and a friend of mine's and got 100+ % ... I wrote about how someone with ADHD cannot write a paper (lol), and about "The Cycle of Cocaine Addiction".  Well I passed myself and my friend in 2 days of writing.  The one teacher knew I wrote my friends paper because there is no way he could speak like me with the vernacular and language.  So anyways the head of the department was convinced I plagarized it and my teacher stood up for me because she knew exactly what I wrote.  Long story short is that unless it interests you, you don't bother as a teenager.  The consequences don't seem dire.  Leads to a whole different conversation about teaching styles used in european countries where you study only what interests you.  So for me it was boredom.  I had been to a private school already and this was all just rediculous.  I have a tendency to answer questions that are supposed to be a sentence with an entire thesis style paper.  So that got me into some hot water when I did apply myself.  I was talking way above my teachers heads at some points.  Boredom.

So your son may have a hidden skill that is really only applied when neccessary.  I never graduated high school and ended up years later doing a GED which petrified me but I scored well over 90% across the board on it.  I had no idea why I was afraid of it.  I have 130+ IQ.  I hope your son finds what interests him as thats hugely important.

I might add that even though I didn't technically graduate high school (2 short of 30 or so), the way I speak to people they assume that I've been to some sort of university.  So its not all learned in school and doing home work.  I turned out successful and was billed out for ages at $225 CAD an hour because I specialized and no one was the wiser.  Now my ex wife always said "for someone so smart, why do you do what you do (drink)".  Answer.  Anxiety.

Thanks.  It's interesting to see it from another angle.  There's definitely an anxiety theme in our family.  He's very shy and introverted.  He hardly speaks and I can hardly say anything without upsetting him. It would be nice if he had a skill of some sort.  I wonder whether the computer stuff is of some benefit after all.  He is very good at concentrating on what he's involved in and not leting people distract him. I'm the opposite. I can't sit still or concentrate on something for very long without wanting to do something else.

I would have guessed you had some academic training beyond high school.  Not that finishing high school means anything.  It's just a piece of paper and it doesn't make a person any smarter than what they are.  I went to university, for instance with a guy who got into trouble with the law over cannabis and dropped out.  In his mid twenties after he got married, he went to university and was in my classes.  Really nice guy.  A real free spirit, hippy type.  He did very well, probably because he was more mature, became president of the student council, got into law school and last I heard he was worth about $300 million having set up an internet based system like PayPal but for gambling.  The university degrees, in the end, were not what made him his fortune.  I write to him constantly  begging for money but... lol, just kidding.

 

 

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Interesting.  In terms of family dynamics and anxiety. I can only speak personally, and don't mean any offense and this is completely hypothetical other than the facts I personally experienced.

I was raised by my mother who was in university for her masters in social work and we would discuss topics and "psychoanalyze" situations.  I learned language from my mother and from in depth typing conversations as a system operator of a BBS (if you know what that is, pre internet, direct phone to phone computer systems).  So I learned to type and talk and describe things in a different manor.  The private school had higher expectations than the high school I ended up in (which i did for social reasons and cost).  So the high schools general population expectations were vastly different and for me and it was a difficult adjustment in expectations.  I was already primed for university and spoke and wrote like it.  Like I said, I would answer simple questions with complete summaries and backup information and over did expectations.  That's where the boredom came in.  Sorry, tangent to explain some things.  Back to family dynamics.  Friends would come over and listen to our family converse just for amusement because it was so theoretical and the language was insane (no not swearing).  So we did not have super anxiety although it was underlying.  Back to personal experiences.  I would hide for hours doing tech and that was not my homework so I could avoid being told to do my homework.  The anxiety for me was the pressure that my family could not afford to send me to university and I was under constant self induced pressure to figure out what I was supposed to do post high school.  It totally ruined my grade 11 and 12 (hence the not graduating).  I quelled my anxieties with the wrong crowd using a variety of soft drugs and some hallucinogens and alcohol.  People referred to me as Jesus lol.  I was respected believe it or not which was another pressure because they leaned on me for answers when I couldn't figure out my own (turns out maybe that was my skill).  I ended up getting a great job during the summer and just never bothered finishing school. I was exceptionally good at speaking to people and explaining things and well a custom hearing and sensory skill set that I kept at it.  I eventually did a trade school a decade later to expand my options which I blew away (just like you described your friend in uni did).  Maturity definitely changes approach.  The pressure kids have coming up to post graduation is intense if they don't have a path setup.  So maybe, just maybe your son is feeling a lot of pressure and doesn't know which way to go?  The brain is proven to develop at a rate we didn't expect (until 25 or so) and the way we have the system setup is generally wrong as extreme life choices need to be made during formative years.  In my opinion, without a guardian or a person a kid respects and has no fear of can assist.  I was lucky as I ended up working with the son (1 year different) of the owner of a very large company (within reason) and I was treated like a peer, so given every opportunity and asset to do what I do best.  Interesting to have skills recognized that others fail to see.

So yeah, starting conversation with your son might be difficult as he might feel as he is a failure or is afraid?  Its hard to break a fear based system when maybe your son doesn't have the answers for you that he feels you expect.  Quite possibly is using video games as a shelter?  I'm not sure, nor is it my business.  There is actually a program locally here for video game addiction just like drug addiction or gambling addiction.  Seems the root causes are almost all the same.  Now if you take your son to a doctor they will just give him a pill.  Thats not the solution generally imho.  Its finding a place to fit so you don't seek solace in something misguided. 

Yeah, learning general knowledge if its beyond just console gaming (xbox) and other skills creates who you are.  Hand, eye coordination is an asset from video games.  No one asked me to learn to solder, I taught myself electronics.  Grateful to my parents who would spend thousands of dollars on computer tech every year.  I knew more than what my school offered.  I excelled at chemistry, physics, biology, computer tech and media.  English and fiction was not for me, hence the 2 credits (english fiction).  Best of luck for your son, and maybe finding someone for him to talk to that he has no fear or expectations (ie pressure) to have answers to.

Again its just personal experience and some introspection that may or may not apply.  I really should mind my own business sometimes ;)

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I’ve had to discontinue as the constipation is too bad.Dont know of anyone on here with such a severe reaction except baclofen an even he didn’t have it so bad 

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