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The End of my Addiction

Alcoholism Survivor


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Hiya All

My name is liam deveney and over the last 21 days i have worked up to a maintenance dose of 120mg of baclofen daily. i have had several nights drinking during this period and for the first time since i was 16 i feel satisfied with a few drinks.

i am in a state of shock right now as 1 drink would send me into a 7 day round the clock binge requiring detox. One emotion i have noticed which maybe some people can relate to is i feel guilty as someone who has been in AA for 14 years.

its almost like I'm indoctrinated into believing I'm a evil man if i drink but all ive ever wanted to do is drink in social situation without risking my life. I also feel a disconnect with AA Friends as if i talk to them thier conditioning will probably assume

I'm deluding myself. i am having an identity crisis right now as if I'm not liam the alcoholic who am i? if I'm not the person who hurt everyone who loved him through choice but through a diseased brain then what happens to my self image

of a cruel selfish person? hope some one identifies with my I'm just introducing myself as i feel everyone in my world is skeptical and i need to someone to validate me that what I'm feelinging is others experience.

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I never bought into the whole AA thing.  I always thought of my alcoholism as a disease, not as a moral failure so I can’t say I understand how you’re feeling.  I just wanted to say that I’m very happy for you!

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Eh, you can still believe in moral failings if you'd like. In all seriousness, I think one of the positive aspects of AA is the focus on self-improvement - I don't think it helps one to stop drinking, but working on being a "better" person is great. And one of the nice things about not NEEDING a drink is that, well, you don't need to drink :D 

Not sure if you follow Moderation Management (kind of an anti-AA AA group), but their big thing is a 30 day abstinence period before starting to work on moderate drinking. And I also think that's a useful tool - go out, go to parties, whatever, but get used to being out and about without booze and then see if you even feel like working it back into your life as a "social" thing.

That's my two cents for now, and welcome!

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